Sunday, December 28, 2014

Goodbye 2014!

So one of the best years is coming to an end and here's a video blog on the same.

Except is say nothing that you don't already know.

Took an hour to upload the damned thing - do take time out to watch it. :p

I'll go sleep now. Good night.

↵ Use original player
← Replay

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

The mystery called SH71

So last weekend we went on a temple trail.  On our way back, we decided to go to Vadnagar.  Narendra Modi's hometown, and the only reason I wanted to go there was to check out the lake where he allegedly swam with crocodiles. I was so excited. :P

Anyway, so you got to take a detour from Mehsana to reach Vadnagar if you're coming from Patan. Now, on our way back, we come across a signboard which said Ahmedabad - 73 Gandhinagar 53 (straight arrow) and Mehsana was 12 km on our right.  If we would've reached Mehsana, Ahmedabad would've been 90 kms away on the National Highway.  Been on that route enough times to know the way.

But Ahmedabad straight was very tempting.  We were essentially cutting off 12+20 odd kms and after driving for over 500 kms, skipping those 32 kms was too good an offer to not take it up.

We were also in need of tea because I had decided we will stop for tea/coffee once we reach civilization (dude, Vadnagar to Visnagar road was terrible and I just wanted to reach normal road before sunset).

We go straight.  And there are no Bhagyodays or Asopalavs on the way.  (Fun fact: On Gujarat highways, you'd find more "Hotel Bhagyodays" than trucks.)

In fact, there are just trees on both the sides and very few cars.  It is a single lane road.  But very well maintained one.  No potholes, proper signboards (mostly pointing Ahmedabad and Gandhinagar).

The three of us (self and self's parents) were not sure where this road will lead us.  One signboard came telling us this is State Highway 71.  (note: at this time, we had drained out our phone batteries using Google maps to reach Vadnagar and out - so no other way to find out where we are heading except follow the signboards.)

Hmm. SH71.  Wonder where it will exit.

"Chiloda circle" - announced my dad.

where the hell is Chiloda circle.

"we may come out of the lane next to Nirma University" - I said very very confidently.

However, as we reached nearer to Gandhinagar, I saw a sign that made me immensely happy.

Mahatma Mandir - straight 12 km.

OMG. NEVER was I so happy to spot the signboard to Mahatma Mandir. (Those of you who follow me on Twitter, you may have known my love for this place.  #sarcasm)

I got very, very excited because Gandhinagar could get confusing and I know my way back to the city from Mahatma Mandir because of the countless times I've been there for covering events.

When Mahatma Mandir came in sight, I proudly showed it off to my parents and showed them how we have to talk the entire complex to enter because #security and how it is annoying and wondered if they would allow me to use the loo.   I even had my press i-card and wondered if that can allow me access.  But decided against it. Not gonna step inside that place unless I really need to.

Now I was in a known territory.  I knew my way back.

And we all now know where SH71 ends.

Apparently, all roads these days lead to Mahatma Mandir.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The 1000 steps of faith

Few days back my parents asked me to join them on a religious tour.  I was bribed with a visit to Rani Ki Vaav (the UNESCO world heritage site) and Vadnagar (because totally wanted to see the lake where Prime Minister Narendra Modi allegedly swam with crocodiles) and a break from city life.

I agreed.

The temple trail also included Ambaji temple.  It is one of the 51 Shaktipeeths.

Right across the temple is the Gabbar Hill, which is believed that the heart of Sati fell here after the Tandav dance and all.

It has over 1,000 steps to reach the top.  Other option is a ropeway, which takes like 3 minutes, but it is called "Udan Khatola" - not going to risk my life by sitting in something called "Udan Khatola".  When dad proposed the idea of temple trail including Ambaji, I decided I'll climb the 1,000 steps.  On a whim.

And once you decide, you want to finish it off, and don't want to have regrets for rest of your life.  I want to live with more "ah, well" than "what if".  Coincidentally, my aunt was visiting Ambaji the same weekend, and the enthu potato that she is, she immediately agreed to join me on the 1000 step climb.  I insisted the parents take the ropeway. (they've done the Udan Khatola ride before and had no qualms riding on it again.)

En route to Ambaji, wherever we stopped for breaks, you could see that the #GharWapasi is happening right here right now.  Too many NRIs.  It is easy to spot an NRI, btw.  Will write another post on it some day.

Anyway, somewhere on the way, parents decided they will join me in the climb.  Because why not.

So at around 3:45 pm we start the climb.  The steps were uneven, most were higher than others.  Some place they were really narrow and I had to tell myself over and over not to look down.  Even if it was to just see how long way we have come.  You really don't want to faint and fall into the valley. We stopped a few times, absorbed the beautiful, beautiful Aravalli Hills.  Aravalli Hills are the ancient most mountain range in India.  These mountains have witnessed history! It was a humbling moment to stand there, panting, sweating and still finding the strength and courage to continue the climb.

Gravity, my dear friends, is a bitch.

I have heard a lot of people say that "Mataji ka bulawa aata hai, tab hi aa sakte hai".  In that moment, when we climbed the top, lungs burning, face turned red like tomato, I could feel that maybe there is some truth to it.  Having lived less than 200 km from the temple and passed through the road a few times en route to Mount Abu, I still had never been to Gabbar Hill.  Had very vague memories of Ambaji temple, if at all.

I bowed down my head at the top of the hill and said a silent thank you.  To no one in particular.  Just thank you.

(btw, later that night, at Ambaji temple, people were doing garba in the premises.  Some were dressed as if attending wedding! They were here to celebrate visiting the temple, because "Maa Amba" had willed for them to come.  The faith of people in God is truly amazing.  I am not sure if I am religious or agnostic.  And honestly, I don't want to question it either.  But people like those chanting "Jai Ambe" while climbing the hill - bare feet - have unquestionable faith.  It made me want to be little less cynical.  It made me want to believe that things do happen if you have faith.  Faith.)

The climbing this hill was another personal achievement.  As someone who could not walk down the Abby Falls in Coorg without panting and had to take pain killers at end of day while vacationing in Thailand and Bali because feet would ache after 2 hours in a mall few years back, the fact that I did this after driving 250 kms and did not need any medication to walk on my own feet the next day - no blisters, no ache, no rashes.  Next day I drove 350 kms back home, after visiting few other places.

I only had the sweet soreness of muscles for having to work so much.  No "pain".

As someone who has started a journey to fitness two years back, I am extremely proud of myself.  This has reaffirmed my faith in myself.  Faith.  I guess, sometimes, all we need is faith.

I am so glad we did this.  I feel so so so proud of myself right now. :-)

I got this. :-)

Saturday, December 13, 2014

When the hunter becomes the hunted

Everyone knows mothers have these superpowers through which they know exactly where your pair of missing earrings are.  Or those important documents which you had kept at a safe, but easily accessible place, which you have forgotten about, are located.

Sometimes I think she hides things only so she can come at last moment to discover stuff and show how superior she is to us.

Mothers are strange that way.

Anyway, so last night, I got home and thought of catching up with my parents.  They had already gone to sleep, but I could hear the radio from their room and thought they might still be awake.  I knocked and mom was staring into her new smart phone screen and reading forwarded messages on WhatsApp.  This is the same mother who thought my computer would burst into flames if I sit in front of it for too long. (good days)

So for next 20 minutes we chat up, update each other on the day's events.. if anything interesting happened.

Just when I was about to go, dad tells me mom may not be able to sleep well tonight.  Why, I ask.

Well, dad has to take some medicines before sleeping and as mom was handing over the tablets, one of them fell down and is now missing.  The missing tablet will not let her sleep.

Knowing fully well how these things make us all anxious, he now turned off the lights and pretended to snore.

No, we need to find out the tablet or even *I* wouldn't be able to sleep.  One tiny pink coloured tablet.

So, we turn on the lights.  And mom and I lie down on the floor after giving strict instructions to dad to not step downstair and hinder our attempts to retrieve the tablet.

At this point, mom and I, both are lying flat on our tummy on the floor, trying to look around for the tablet.  Sprawled across on the floor like that, we both looked like crocodiles.  The three of us could not stop laughing.  Various attempts under various lighting conditions were carried out to find that tablet, and after 20 minutes, we gave up.

With a heavy heart we had to get up from the floor and try and sleep peacefully.

Next day, Mom tried for an hour more, with broom and all other ammunition, to find the tablet, still couldn't.

Even the maid couldn't find it.

So, right now, one tablet has gone missing in the house and I am not able to sleep with the fact that I cannot find the missing tablet.

Where could it go.

But, more than me, it is my mother who is upset.  She cannot believe *SHE* could not find it.

She is afraid she is losing her Midas touch at Lost & Found superpowers she possesses.

At least tonight, I will sleep with the consolation that शिकारी खुद यहाँ शिकार हो गया।

Also, Friday night. <3 favourite="" most="" my="" of="" p="" part="" the="" week.="">
Have a great weekend, ya'll. <3 p="">

Monday, December 8, 2014

The world doesn't need the United Nations

Technically, the UN is around to increase international cooperation and to make efforts to avoid conflicts.

Talking of conflicts, the world may or may not be on the verge of a third world war.  Almost all countries are conflicting with each other.  

These are the times I am glad my internal conflicts are not as bad as Pakistan's internal conflicts.  (there, there, Pakistan, Big brother prays for you sometimes.)

Anyway, the point is, ancient India has not only predicted the modern technologies but has also shown light on how to tackle conflicts.

I think the most potent amongst them is the "kasam".

Well, yea, so one kasam made Lord Ram go for vanvas, which led to Sita getting kidnapped by Ravan which led Ram taking on an entire country to bring back his wife (dude, how romantic is waging a war against an entire country to bring back your wife) but then, you can never underestimate the power of one kasam.

If one kasam can lead to a war, surely the same kasam can stop wars.  

Kasams have definitely stopped many a love stories from taking off. "बेटा, तुम्हे मेरी कसम. उस लड़की से बात मत करना। अगर तुमने उससे बात की तो तु मेरा मारा मूह देखेगा।" and the kasam fearing son (because being godfearing is too mainstream) will not talk to her because आई शपथ is most powerful weapon.

I say, replace the UN with an Association of Kasam Giving Mothers (AKGM for short, because all cool things need to be abbreviated) and let an Indian mother (because no one beats Indian mothers in giving kasams) be the head of the association (no, my mom is not up for the position - I am offering her precious services to the Army as a radar system to find out things long lost or something like that - or maybe lost and found department. In her case, it would be always found department.) and the world would be a peaceful place.

I am so proud of my ideas. I have no idea why I am not given a Nobel for being just awesome. Or just existing and making this world a nice place one day at a time.

On an aside, today as I was coming back from my jog/walk, a stray dog saw me and ran for his life.  It's like a reverse dog chase. After years of struggling with getting chased by stray dogs, for the first time I probably scared a dog away.  Best. Monday. Ever.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Existence in multiple dimensions

I have a theory we exist in multiple dimensions at the same time.  I also believe that Chaos Theory is actually just another way of talking about law of Karma. 

Does this mean we have absolutely no control over what is happening? Do we decide certain things because we are 'meant' to? Whatever happened to the fact that the sole reason I pursued chartered accountancy for so long was because my dad wanted me to. In hindsight, I could have decided not to pursue. I could have chosen not to study at all and flunk in all papers and could've given it up even before I started. But then I didn't. *I* didn't.

Similarly, one mundane event today could snowball into a significant event tomorrow. How do we know which event is mundane/insignificant today? And what all could it lead to? Wouldn't it be fantastic if we knew exactly what would be the outcome of that decision you took today? Is it *you* from another dimension, another time space, coming to you to nudge you to take that decision? What did you do in that dimension to reach that place, and why would you try and influence your own decisions? Aren't you yourself violating the principles of free will?

*takes break to snort caffeine*

Are dreams the communication medium for different mediums? Like that one time when I woke up after I dreamt of being involved in car crash and then having a blue-green bruise on my back where I had dreamt I had hurt myself? And then later same day on my way back from Gandhinagar when I took another turn than my usual way and the dream I had earlier in the morning flashed before my eyes with one slight realisation where the accident site would have been on my usual route back home.  Now I don't quite believe in supernaturals (but I don't watch horror movies either - why would anyone in right frame of mind want to watch something that scares you? Aren't humans scary enough that you want the supernaturals?) but was that me from another dimension telling me to not take that route?

*snorts bournvita*

Similarly people. Isn't it said you meet everyone for a reason? Who comes up with such stuff? Are you trying to tell me I have no control over the kind of people I have come across? Well, not really. I had no choice in choosing classmates - it was school and college admission process - and really classmates were terrible.  And co-workers either. So basically, I really have no choice.  

But why do we meet/talk to people we do? Why does everything need to have a stupid lesson? And those who are in our lives for very short period? Like the 2 month long endless conversations only to be abandoned abruptly? Or brief 2 liner emails once every few months even after knowing them for years? 

And those of you (other than the usual suspects who read the blog despite the randomness *insert heart* S, R, M, S, I'm talking about you - others, I don't know who you are - if you're a fan, send a mail, I'd be delighted - first name last name at gmail dot com and lord Goga will bless) who read this blog and enlighten yourselves periodically with the endless gyaan I have to give - why are you here? Why did you choose my blog to read at this very moment!

Omg. So much to discuss, so much to say, I need some sugar rush.

Anyway, I will go now.  Mostly because it is Sunday and I want to watch TV and must claim the remote before dad does.  


Friday, November 21, 2014

My Tryst With Destiny

I had the pleasure of using an autorickshaw today.  You see, when you have a ride of your own, you kind of forget how autorickshaw don't have a seatbelt and no one sitting inside it wears a helmet.

I may have died and resurrected a few times in the span of 20 minute ride I undertook.

Hell hath no fury like an angry Amdavadi ricksha-walo.  Also, no one is in more rush than an Amdavadi rickshaw-walo.  I am almost sure we were in the air for a few seconds because of the jet speed the auto was almost flying at.  Totally naming all future autos as rickocopters.

You also do not want to come in way of a Ricky Martin who has chosen to ride on that road that moment.  If you are, you get waved at.  I noticed the kaka (as all auto drivers are fondly called, or bhai, maybe) wave randomly at people.  At first I thought he knew the pretty ladies in the cars he was waving at.  Or the weird dude in silver Honda City who waved at me.  Then I realised he was waving at them as if to say "dekh ke chalo" because autorickshaws in Ahmedabad do not have brakes.  They stop at the will of the driver, and the driver never wishes for such events.

Effects of FDI in Gujarat
No one thinks that an auto rickshaw is a technological wonder.  It works on three wheels. THREE.  How do you even balance things on uneven things like that? No one questioned the design of the three wheeled wonder? How?

Having said that, have you seen/heard this Kishore Kumar song where he is extremely excaaaaaaaite as being an Amdavadi Rickshawalo?

Asrani is Amdavadi Rickshawalo and he is showing around the city.  Interestingly, most of these iconic place are still around.  Some of these places have witnessed history being created and watching such videos make me immensely proud.

Anyway, coming back to the Amdavadi Rickshawalas, some of them might be responsible for making some of the people sitting on the fence become believers.  I almost knocked on the Pearly Gates and came back.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, thank you for lending me your eyes. (because lending ears is too mainstream, also you guys read this, didn't hear it, so.)

Aap jaa sakte hai, namaste.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Rules for pedestrians

We have driving rules.  Why not walking rules?

Just because people choose to walk does not mean they are never at fault in case of an accident.  Why should they be excused from following the rules? Are there even rules in place?

Jaywalkers.  Like really.  Pappa's rasta. No, walk towards the edge. Not in middle of the road.  Your life is *not* my responsibility.  Don't take me wrong - I am a very careful driver, but then, roads are for driving, walkways/footpaths are for walking - please respect!

Zebra crossing. It is there for a reason. Cross when pedestrian crossing light goes green, and yes, if you wait, it does go green. Stop running across the road like headless chicken.  One time I even saw a cow walk up to a crossing to cross the road. Surely you could too.

No earphones, please.  Because then you could not hear the incessant honking because you are in middle of traffic because of your music. I don't care - just listen in the comfort of your home. Not in middle of the road. Thank you very much.

Same goes with cyclists too.  Not your pappa's rasta - please respect others on the road too.

I am bored now.


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

How To: #1

How to survive attending a wedding where the only person you know there is the bride (and you are not the bride in question)

I am great with giving advice.  It's like so much gyaan, so little audience.

With the upcoming shaadi season, I am sure some of you may be invited to weddings where the only person you know there is the bride (or groom) and there is no way you could not attend it.

See, they took time out of their life, preparing for the big step in their lives, to think of you and to invite you.  So you must go there.  Be part of their important day.

But being amongst complete strangers terrifies you.  Or maybe it does not and it is just me.  But then in case it does, here's what you could do.

1.  Be on time.  You see, the late you reach, the more people will be there (because most people come late to shaadis) and lesser the people, higher the chances you may get some moments with the bride/groom.

2.  Be few minutes earlier and go meet the bride/groom before they enter the mandap.  Chances are you will end up leaving before the entire wedding ceremony is over.  So go, meet her/him, wish them personally, and if the person isn't a bridezilla/groomzilla, maybe hug them. Hugs are nice.

3.  Going to meet the bride/groom in their room also helps in other ways.  Like you may get to use the cleaner washroom.  (okay, in my defense, I drink a lot of water.)

4.  Go find the second most dressed lady.  Chances are bride's mother.  Go say hello.  Introduce yourself.  Say you got to go, she will give nice blessings like god bless you and leave.

5.  This is a good time to introspect and think about your life choices.  There you are, attending someone's wedding, wondering if the people around could be spotted from Mars because of the bling they're wearing?

6.  You may or may not come across your high school crush, who may now be married, and you try and slink away as if you never there in the first place.

Anyway, chances are you (I) will stand out in such places.  I was least dressed, wearing this new FabIndia jacket I got last week, which is apparently men's jacket (I knew it was men's jacket when I got it) and wearing plain cottons.  I am bound to stand out.  But today I chose to fight my awkwardness and be part of someone's big day.  I have realised I do not need to try to fit in.

Also, if and when I do get married, I'm getting married in my trackpants and t-shirt.

Also, if you want me to write guides on which awkward situation you want to get out of, write to me, and I will give gyaan.

I accept cash, gift and phooti kaudis as payments.


Saturday, November 15, 2014

Deconstructing Hindi Songs: Gutar Gutar

I have grown up watching terrible Hindi movies.  They are my guilty pleasure.  I know they are terrible, but there is hardly anything I could do to stop myself from watching them.

Mithun has been a variable constant in the guilty pleasure terrible movies I have enjoyed.  One such movie is called Dalaal. I will not get into the details of the movie because if you've not seen it, you're probably better off that way.

But then, the movie also gave us the brilliant song, "Gutar gutar".

It is a song about pigeon going gutar gutar because he can.

First watch this video.  Then watch the video I have posted below it.  Then again watch the song and sing yourself to sleep, while thrusting your pelvis like a maniac on sugar rush.  Seriously, whats with the steps. It's like even their abs must be having abs now.

This is the original song:

This is my blog.  Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen. Good night. *hugs*

Friday, November 14, 2014

Childhood trauma vs now

Repressed childhood traumatic incidents affect us as we grow older and shape our lives.  I am willing to bet half my habits and quirks are a reason of semi traumatic and traumatic events from childhood.

Like the one time.. when I was 3 year old and had fractured my hand.. and went to school with a plaster in my right hand.. and the teacher called me up in front of the class.. and told everyone in the class to be "brave like her".  No, just don't. Don't put me in a spot like that.  Ever since that day I was terrified of teacher calling out my name.  So much that when I was in senior kg, I would hide behind toys during attendance times because I could not understand why does the teacher have to call out my name every single day!

Of course, the fear of having to stand up in a class and speak remained till I graduated from college.  Even now spotlight on me makes me most nervous.

Then there was the dog incident.  The one time my cousin put a ferocious barking doberman, named Blondie because Hitler's dog was Blondie, yes, we Mehtas are eccentric - said cousin now has a great dane and is named Babulal, in my lap.  The dog barked so close to the face of a two year old me, I am still traumatised.  Dogs petrify me.  Of course, one of my many talents are imitating a dog's bark.  And sometimes they bark back at me. I am sure I mean something in their language.  I speak the #Woofletongue  But I am improving.  Last year I let a 2 month old lab pup lick my toes.  So all cool there.

Or that one time when I almost drowned.  Standard 6 class picnic to waterpark.  The slide ride kind of dropped me in water heads down and since I didn't know swimming, I struggled to put my feet on the floor (not too deep, must be barely 2-3 feet deep, the water) and I could not get up.  In those moments I knew I was dying.  Till a classmate of mine pulled me out of water.  God bless her soul.  Some day, when I see her again, I will thank her.  I'm sure she has no recollection of saving my life, but I am eternally grateful to her.  However, I am still terrified of water.  Water level below ankle deep scares me.  Oceans are terrifying, also because oceans are so mysterious and we have no clue what all exists under and they are so huge and so scary.  I would like to get over the fear someday, though.

So socially awkward - the misfit.  Spent entire school life trying to fit in.  I could not relate to most of my classmates because all they wanted to do was talk about boys and all I wanted to do was talk about internet and the world of mysteries.  They would fight and get into arguments over who said what and I had terrible memory to have any recollection on who said what.  I then became a recluse and spend most of my school and college life and even after that being a loner.  Till I accepted that I am different from them, I am a fashion disaster, wear my adidas with salwar kameez because I know I have to walk when I've to go to Gandhinagar, I do not know how to apply make up and look pretty, I do not know how to dress up.  But it is fine.  I am okay at being the awkward one.  I have embraced my weirdness.

Okay, now I am getting hungry.  Just woke up and because today is Children's Day I thought why not blog.

Also today is Friday.  Must bring out my new video. EXCAAAAITE.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Monday morning musings

Because why not.

So with parents out on vacation, and in last 24 hours my cumulative human interaction has been less than 30 seconds.

It has been a while since I wrote something here - I hope you have seen my video blogs - which are basically some of the most boring and wtf inducing moments you will spend in your life.

So I have been wondering lately.  Of the risks I have taken and not taken.  Of the decisions I've made. Not all of them have been wise, but if you weren't to take risks, have you truly lived?

And if you truly want something, when do you know it is time to cling on to it or to let it go? As I've said, hope is a terrible thing at times.  But if it weren't for hope, would we have the inclination to go on with our lives?

Why couldn't our lives be as dramatic as our movies? Like, if an important event were to happen, there would be music and maybe some aarti in the background with dhols and nagaras to give us a hint that dude, this event is important for your life - make sure you don't screw it up.

Men claim they cannot pick up subtle hints women leave them when they're interested - well, guess what! Even us women can't pick up hints the universe sends us.  Willing to bet universe is a lady but then I am not sure if that would a sexist comment and offensive to internet crusaders.

At this point in life I'd like some clarity.  For a change, I do not want to take things as they come.  I want to be prepared for what life throws up at me.

I wish I had read the terms and conditions before I signed up for this life.

PS: I am not sad or anything - just that not talking to a human for too long makes me philosophical and hence I have realised I kind of sort of like people.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Deconstructing Songs: Jaani Dushman Ek Anokhi Kahani

It is Friday evening and I am back.  I wanted to write a normal blog in between but I just got little too tied up.  Was traveling last two days in godforsaken Naliya - but I saw wind farm of Suzlon and that was amazing.  I LOVE TECHNOLOGY! Even more if it is green technology.  The roads were great, and thankfully, Vodafone network was also pretty decent.  About time we find a solution where batteries get charged at will, though.

Anyway, so this weekend, we have a Jaani Dushman track playing for you.  Jaani Dushman is a wonderful movie.  Once when I was a kid my dad saw me watch this movie and scolded me for watching movies that may spoil my imagination.  Not sure if he thought I'll start believing in such stuff.  But then he also brought me up believing in God, who could be as imaginary as you and I are real.

I must not blaspheme.

Anyway, so iMovies needs an update and I don't have the patience for it right now, hence even though I had initially planned I'll edit both the videos together, I am losing out on patience there.

So, first is the song in question.  Watch it in its totality.

And here's my deconstruction of the same. Excuse me, I'm just a little tired tonight.


Have fun, you guys. Also, here's the whole movie, in case anyone wants to check it out. (first few minutes of the movie are phenomenal)


Saturday, November 1, 2014

Deconstructing Songs: Madam X

So I am a little tired right now. Been out and about since 6 am and strange headache since afternoon and strange bleeding from my nose which is a little terrifying, but I am not gonna see a doc because I don't like docs.

Anyway, if I die, please let Salman Khan know I love him and that if he would have married me, I would have totally driven him around because clearly I'm a better driver with better track record.

I digress.

So, Madam X is a wonderful movie. It is  my go-to movie when I am feeling low and I need some surrealism and Jaani Dushman just won't cut it.  (not saying it's bad, just that you need to be in a jaani dushman kinda mood to enjoy it.)

So, here's Madam X followed by my video blog (watch first 15-20 minutes of Madam X (please, please, please) before heading off to watch my video, and you may choose to return to watch full movie later on.
And here's my video. I hope you like it.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Video Blog: Khalnayika

Good afternoon and kiss to all.

Today we Gujaratis celebrate our new year and show how truly secular we are, we dress up like Christmas tree during Diwali.

So.. I played around a little with iMovies and this is my first attempt at clipping and trimming and joining videos, and I am little nervous about this too.  It's a 10 minute long video because I have also incorporated the song in the video.

As I said, I'm still learning, please to be kind and hope you guys like this video.


On that note, happy festivities!

Thursday, October 23, 2014


Last Diwali was the first Diwali in the longest time when I didn't have an exam to prepare for.  First it was school (along with Diwali vacation homework) and then it was Chartered Accountancy exams which would start the day after Diwali, almost always.

Last Diwali I was "relieved".

These post-Diwali exams were usually followed by depressing results in January (which would come after Uttarayan - like really, all the festivals of my life have been ruined by exams.  Maybe I am not too fond of festivals because of these annoying exams).

Today, for the first time, I am happy.

I am happy about Diwali.  I am not stressed about impending exams. (not that I had them last year, but last year I was not used to it - you see, I didn't know how a Diwali without exams felt like.)

This year, I am happy about the festivities.  Even though I don't burst crackers myself (because childhood trauma of burning those snakes always led to throat infection and even now, the smoke has nicely started giving me headache already and really, bombs are stupid and I don't like them and I like the pretty stuff in the sky and I like diyas and I like rangolis.) I actually don't mind people around being happy.

I am okay with the smoke filling my lungs (I am almost sure I'm falling ill tomorrow) because you know what? Diwali comes just once a year.

And I am not moral policing about air pollution and all that, but really, if why not spread cheer instead of whining about things? People *WILL* burst crackers, let them.

Today, when I wished everyone who crossed my path a happy Diwali, there was a genuine smile on their face.

A smile I never saw before.  Mostly because I wouldn't meet people and be holed up in my room studying (browsing internet).

Today, from neighbour uncle (who I can neither confirm nor deny being fond of) to the raddiwala (who addresses my mom as "mummy" - wtf) to watchmen at my office building (yes, working today) to my boss to the steward at Chocolate Room who took our orders to every person I met - I wished them all.  I felt happy. (okay, even whatsapping the wishes to people and/or calling them also made me happy)

Because why not?  How hard is it to smile and wish? How hard is it to spread the cheer? It really doesn't take too much of an effort.

So go ahead - wish the people you care about.  Wish even those you don't care about. It doesn't hurt. :-)

Also, इस दिवाली फुलझरी बने, जलाएं नहीं।

Tuesday, October 21, 2014


"Consider the fact that for 3.8 billion years, a period of time older than the Earth's mountains and rivers and oceans, every one of your forebears on both sides has been attractive enough to find a mate, healthy enough to reproduce, and sufficiently blessed by fate and circumstances to live long enough to do so. Not one of your pertinent ancestors was squashed, devoured, drowned, starved, stranded, stuck fast, untimely wounded, or otherwise deflected from its life's quest of delivering a tiny charge of genetic material to the right partner at the right moment in order to perpetuate the only possible sequence of hereditary combinations that could result -- eventually, astoundingly, and all too briefly -- in you."

So, basically, you are reading this blog at this time because you are meant to do it at this time. What does it say about people who walk in and out our lives?

What makes you connect to someone a 1000 or 15000 km away from you? Is there truly a meaning to this madness? Some sense to this chaos we live in?

Do we really not have anything in our control? Or have things happened because they were in our control and we made them happen?

Like, you are reading this blog because you saw the link at the time and you clicked on it - you were meant to be on this page? But at the same time, you were on this page because *I* created it.

What were the forces of universe that got us together at this time?

Should we try to find a meaning - a reason - to why is this happening - or - should we just see how it evolves eventually?

Like, let the fucking universe do its fucking magic?

Btw, if you're listening, universe, for a change, work *FOR* me. Okay?

Friday, October 17, 2014

Video Blog: Deconstructing Songs


So I decided to start a video blog.  Because I am kind of awesome like that, and because I have nothing better to do on a Friday evening because I am #ForeverAlone and why not spread the awesomeness around.

Since it is my first entry, please be kind. I know there is a lot of scope for improvement and it doesn't essentially deconstruct the song in the way it should, but mah blog mah rulz.

This is the first song I've decided to deconstruct. Listen to what I have to say.

PS: Did you see the fan behind me?

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Moving on and starting over

I think this is what I need to do.  Moving on with life could happen if I just leave this place and start all over.  New place, new people, new job.

Like closing a chapter in my life so I can finally move on to better things.  Not that I'm sad in any way. (well, maybe a little, for all the rejections and abandonments I've had over time, but I'm willing to believe that the 7 1/2 shani dasha just got over and better things are stored in for me.)

How do I go about it, though? I don't even know where to begin my search.  I don't have the courage to quit my job, buy a one way ticket to another country and start over.  I am too scared of not knowing what I'll do, or how will I sustain myself without a job on hand.  Like really, how do you move to a new place and not know how you're going to pay your rent and bills?

The idea is a very romantic one - very filmy.  To be able to do it.

I want to do it.

But I'm realistic in a way.  I need to know there will be some source of finance for me to do that.  So, how does it work!

Also, is there any way to get out of this #foreveralone cycle? Am I that weird that I scare away everyone?

Monday, October 6, 2014

One Is Up For Adoption

That my mother is a lady of multiple talents is known.

She also has an uncanny ability to magically make things appear and disappear at her own will.  There is no other explanation for things to go missing and appearing back into your room.

I have a feeling she counts the number of flowers on each plant in the garden every single day because today she tells me the hibiscus plant had 18 flowers, and one flower had 9 petals (normal petal count is 5).  She said this with so much excitement that I am not sure which one of us is the mother.

Anyway, so last night, a pillow in my room went missing.

You see, I was busy watching CID as my parents went to sleep and I went to my room well past midnight.  I didn't turn on the lights because if I don't see any entities standing near the mirror, ready to spook me, then they don't exist.  I nicely saw an episode of Criminal Minds as I oiled my hair in the darkness.

An hour or so later, I decided to crawl on to the bed and go through askreddit and read myself to sleep.

But as I got on the bed and tried to find the pillow to prop up, I realised the pillow was missing. OMG.

Where is my pillow? It is my protective gear.  I hug it as I sleep.  It also acts as a shield against the early morning sunlight which is reflected off the mirror-ey windows of neighbour's bedroom that is right across from my room.  I don't draw the curtains because if I don't see the sunlight, I will never wake up.

But where is the pillow? Do I look under the bed.. and see if it developed a mind of its own and rolled under?

But then what if I look under the bed and see a couple of pairs of eyes staring at me.  You see, if you don't see them, the others don't exist.  (no, really, I don't quite believe in ghosts, but dude, you never know what's under your bed, ok?)

Somehow I managed to sleep. I had to hug the spare square pillow (missing pillow is a cylindrical shaped one) and it sucked.  And then I woke up as soon as the first ray of light reflected off the neighbour's window.

Oh, no, my pillow.

But where is my pillow?

Maybe the mother would know.

Now that it is morning and she has had her daily dose of adrenaline rush of putting clothes into the washing machine, let me ask if she has any clue what happened to the pillow.

I walk down groggily, even as my father tells me I look like Lalita Pawar this fine morning.

And then as I ask mom, "mummy, where's the blue pillow?"

"Oh, that, I gave it to Mathur," she said matter-of-factly.

Mathur is the raddiwala.

What? Why?

Why give the raddiwala my pillow? MY PILLOW.

"He said mummy, spare pillow ho to dena,"




Nobody loves me.

I am up for adoption.

Anyone willing?

Monday, September 29, 2014

Hope and Regret

Hope is the single largest contributing factor to regret.  The more hope you have, the more regrets it leads to.

Like, wanting something so bad that you hope to achieve it. You go out of your comfort zone to make things happen and then they don't. Because it was just you wishing for it.

And the regret that you wish you hadn't gone out of your comfort zone.

Or the other way round. If you do not go out of your comfort zone, to make things happen, the regret that you wish you had taken that one step to fight for what you truly believe in and get it.

I am not sure which regret is worse.

I am inclined towards the latter. The former, it was just the free will of other beings involved which didn't make things happen. At least I will not regret I did not do anything.

But the latter.  How do you live with the regret for the rest of your life.  That some thing was so close to attainment and you just let it slip away because you were afraid of getting out of your comfort zone?

Isn't life what happens out of the comfort zone?

What stops us from giving ourselves that one chance that we truly deserve? Of course, the omnipresent fear of failure.

So, basically, we spend the rest of our lives in hopes and regrets because of fear of failures.

No wonder many a love stories never took off because of fear of failure.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Why this WhatsApp forwarded message made me laugh like a maniac.

So I usually don't care much about forwarded messages.  Especially when they are part of my family group. Most are sexist jokes and I do not find them funny, but ever since I reached the zen state of mind where I give up trying to correct other individuals and accepting their stupidity as a lesson for their karma, I have been happier.

But then, today morning this forwarded message caught my attention (and for a brief moment, I was tempted to roll back up and read other forwarded messages to get my dose of daily laughter (omg, the dosage has gone up, I laugh way more than I thought I could - expecting my cheeks to develop 8 pack abs any moment) but then better sense prevailed).

Anyhooooo. Coming back.

So, this forwarded message made me laugh on various levels.  Firstly, the joke is kinda funny. Not because the lady thinks her tongue is the shatra, but that she was putting kumkum-chawal on it. I almost had an image of a ferocious lady (looking verrrrmuch similar to Lashkar E Foiba, who incidentally forwarded this message) put the said objects on her tongue. OMG. It is howlarious. You have to know my aunt and my entire extended family to know why this is insanely hilarious.

I do not hate my family, ok? I am allowed to make fun of them because I am related to them. At least I am not sitting in a corner and plotting to murder them, unlike my criminally inclined psychotic nephew, who already has blueprint of getting me killed in his head. (no, seriously, if anything were to happen, please to point needle of suspicion towards him, but then in all possibilities I will rise from the ashes like a phoenix because I am awesome like that even in death.)

Anyway, so this particular joke - there is a pumpkin in it. Please to explain why. I mean, I like putting random emojis too, and omg, is that why I find it funny? because of the stupid random emoji placement I can so well relate to? OMG. I AM WARMING UP TO MY FAMILY!

So, a pumpkin. In a joke about Parshuram Jayanti. I have no idea why this is funny, but it is.

Then there's a bug. It has no reason to be there, but it is still there - and then people ask me why I append the snake emoji at the end of messages/tweets.

There is also paw prints. I DID NOT KNOW PARSHURAM WAS A DOG LOVER! OMG.

I know I started trying to decipher why this whatsapp forwarded message is funny, but then, I digressed midway - like always - and now I do not know what to say anymore.

OMG. I am so so so tempted to scroll up and find other gems, but must. control.

In other news, it is Monday today. Almost 7 days to next Monday. OMG.

Hi. #Hi #HIGH

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Welcome to Ahmedabad, Xi!

Dear President,

Welcome to Ahmedabad.  I am glad you chose to visit the lovely city of Ahmedabad.  It looks lovely today, especially the routes you will be taking.  Actually, just the routes you will be taking.

The hotel you are staying at, right next to it, is a very narrow lane. (fun fact: the lane was once home to a giant goat who loved to chew tobacco.) The lane is usually so congested, today it will be shut down completely.  Even though you will not take the narrow lane (because we have six lane flyovers in the city, why would you take a single lane narrow gully).

The lake right across your hotel - it is usually full of people and activity - the food stalls around the lane serve some of the best food.  Too bad you won't be able to either see how we Amdavadis find joy in simple pani puri and or even taste it for that matter.  You see, you will be fed traditional Gujarati food (and you must hope that it is not altered to suit to your Chinese taste buds as Chinese food is altered to suit our taste buds).

The Riverfront where you and your delegation will meet the who's who of Indian corporates is next to the Sabarmati river.  The river, on an average day, stinks.  It also has floating garbage which is at various stages of decay.  Today, it is clean.  Maybe next time, you could visit the holy city of Varanasi.

Also, talking of the Riverfront, please notice those statues of flamingos, asiatic lions and one mystery animal which I think looks like a donkey, but could be a nilgai.  It is the proof how we Gujaratis live in harmony with nature. (also, as I write this I realise I live like some 300 kms from the lions and omg, that is so awesome. )

We Amdavadis, however, are very glad you have come down.  The roads are re-carpeted. Some of them, at least.  It has made us believe that the roads which are ruined overnight in a few hours of rain (or sometimes mysteriously even though there are no rains, like really, how does it work - the roads getting damaged - who steals away the excavated part in the pot hole? how can it magically disappear?) can also be repaired overnight.

That Gujarat has the magical ability of developing nice roads overnight.  I always knew we were awesome like that.  Wish we knew how to get things done, though.

Oh, and while you are at it, do understand that your country has kind of - sort of ruined some of our local businesses, like ceramic industry, because the CNG prices in the state are so high, and the fuel cost increases the cost of production, forcing a lot of small units to shut down.  Gujarat manufactures about 70 percent of India's ceramic.  Of course, thanks to anti-dumping duty, they are surviving, for now.  But there are other things too.  I am not sure they are too happy with the grand welcome you are getting.

Oh, and while we are at it, we are welcoming just you and your delegation that is officially coming over.  Not the intrusion at the border.  Please keep that in check.  That is not welcomed.

Hope you enjoy your stay here.



(PS: Views entirely personal)

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Denial: Best Medicine

They say laughter is the best medicine.

In my case, laughter stems from denial.  I am in a perpetual state of denial, not accepting realities like I am truly lonely.

Because if I accept it, I will break. And how will I keep up this cheery look.  

Don't get me wrong.  I am usually a happy person.  I am easily amused, and a friend once told me "you are an addiction, your presence brightens up the room" and I don't know how to laugh like a lady.  I laugh madly.  And it is genuine laughter.

But that doesn't mean I cannot be truly lonely within.  It kind of sucks.

Especially because for someone like me who easily falls in love (and I call it love because of all the chemicals it releases in my brain - it's science), usually with people I barely know and I will never have the courage to walk up and say how I feel, the feelings not being reciprocated leaves a very deep empty space.

And then I wake up feeling sad and deciding I will never let myself fall in love.  Because if I do not fall in love, I will not have to go through the heartbreak of not having someone fall back in love with me.

Denial.  That love is not for me. That I will never come across someone who loves me back.  And it is good that way.

If I go about without any expectations, lesser disappointments in life.

Now that I have it out of my system, let me write a funny tweet because I am such a fun person.

Edit: Log on to reddit, and here's a thread I see. And totally shattering the bubble. It's a thread asking what are obvious signs that someone's into you.  Apparently, today I learnt no one has ever been into me. OMG. THIS IS LIKE THE SADDEST DAY EVER OR WHAT Here's the link for your kind perusal and get the fuck off.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Friday night musings

So it is that time of the week I wish that never ends.  Friday evenings are the best. It means there are two days of no office, and there is no need for you to actually get out of your bed and do any sort of work.  But the anticipation of weekend gives so much adrenaline rush to me that I am like the energizer bunny on steroids on Friday evenings and I feel the most drained out on Sunday evenings because I suddenly feel that the two days are over and next day is Monday.

Normally I would start talking how Monday is two days away because I tend to be pessimistic like that.  Some times I start talking how next Monday is 7 days away on Monday mornings because I like to live in the future like that because living in the moment is too mainstream.

No, I have not smoked up anything (some people who had witnessed the recent bout of laughter, where I gave my own rendition of Asha Bhonsle (or is it Bhosle, pls to Google and tell me) and Lata Mangeshkar and S P Balasubramaniam hits at midnight in middle of the road. I am also kind of sad no one thought it would be a nice idea to give me 2 rupees to shut my mouth.  Not even a phooti kaudi. Anyway, I digress and when this happened I thought of other funnies and then I could not stop laughing and omg, my head started hurting because of too much blood and even my cheeks got tender because they were aching for being in constant position of stupid laughter and I swear I might have actually died for a few seconds there by just laughing. Some day, if we ever meet, dear reader, I shall sing for you because I am generous like that) (heh, did you realise the bracket was still open? heh. My genius knows no boundaries. omg.) and I am generally in a great mood mostly because I have sort of perfected the art of putting kohl in my eyes.

You may want to check out my instagram on and the latest picture which I put up of my eyes only because Navratri is coming up and I am totally going to pose like Maa Durga.  There are also lot of selfies in my album because no one else takes my pictures. Like, really. TOTALLY MARRYING A GUY WHO TAKES NICE PICTURES OF SELF.

Anyway, there is so much I want to do over the weekend. First of all, instagram for Android is getting updated. Not that it's important. But whatsapp is also getting updated. Like really, aren't any of you readers a secret admirer of mine? (cute, single, age appropriate, non-creepy guys only pls) Anyway, I get distracted.

So coming back, while those things are getting updated, I thought I will write this blog because I just had a cup of coffee and as you all know, caffeine is my drug, and omg, HI.

So, I am wondering what should I do all night. Should I watch back to back Castle episodes? Or Criminal Minds episodes? Or read Game of Thrones? Or read 1984 (OMG BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING. HI MODI OR OBAMA OR CIA OR CBI (LOL) OR WHOEVER IS READING THIS! the passenger side door of my car is not working, pls to send someone to fix it, also, half a dozen cupcakes to go with it won't be bad. And maybe transfer a zillion dollars to my bank account so I can travel the world and give it all back to you by spending on exorbitant stuffs - but anyway, just get the car door fixed - and also this disgusting smell of damp carpet doesn't go away - smells like burnt rubber and/or dead animal - pls to do the needful - I AM CUTE)

So coming back, what should I do.

Sometimes I wish I had multiple eyes and multiple compartments of brains so I can see/read multiple things at same time and each compartment of my brain can process individual information (of course, high speed censorship-free internet to do all these multiple tasks is a given) at one go and I can like do all I want to in this one lifetime. Because so much to do, so much to read and so much to watch and so little time.

OMG. 10 minutes to midnight. Let me go check if apps on my phone are updated.

Okay, updated. Even phone charged by 43 percent. This shall last me through the weekend. NO ONE CALLS ME!

I have still not decided what shall I do now. I want to actually lie down, but then WHO LIES DOWN ON FRIDAY NIGHTS?

Okay, I will go.

I will watch Castle. Season 3 last 2-3 episodes left.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Things that keep me awake

I have issues.

While a lot of what I say or do does not make sense, and I am perfectly fine with rest of the world not making sense because I like chaos over order, but then when I realise there is something that just does not make sense and I want to make sense and I cannot make sense I spend sleepless nights.

I have many such things that keep me awake all night.

No, it is not something as lame as what is the purpose of life. Dude, the purpose of your fucking life is to make sure you do not die.

But have you ever noticed how the oxygen, which is the single most important thing to keep you alive, is slowly killing you by the process of oxidation? Maybe we should all practice slow breathing techniques and hold our breath or something and fool oxygen or something.

Anyway. So today morning I woke up and decided I wanted to watch TV.  Parents returning today so I am going to soak in all the television I can before I leave for airport to pick them up.  And while I was watching TV, this wild song appeared out of nowhere.

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There are few things about this song that don't make sense.  Why is Hema and Shatrughan Sinha selling Chanachor garam in a jail when Manoj Kumar is about to be hanged? And why are they so excited about selling chanachor garam when Kumar may be killed as soon as the frolicking is over?

Also, Dilip Kumar. Means why.

Why spike chanachor garam? If I were an Angrezo ke zamane ki jailor, they'd need paani puri to lure me or something. Chanachor garam is just not as exciting.

Also, why are they so excited at the prospect of the chanachor garams having a mind of their own? mera chana hai apni marzi ka. Dude, what is it? An unruly teenager?

Why is chane ki aankh sharabi? why does it have haal (or is it gaal?) gulaabi? And why is then like a kudi punjabi? WHY DOES IT NAACHO CHHANAN CHHANAN?

Is this chanachor garam some sort of creative euphemism for something I've not figured out now?

Like I realised how the zubaan pe laaga namak isaaq ka from Omkara has such an indecent interpretation is this song also something else? IS CHANA SOMETHING ELSE?

ARE THEY REFERRING TO THEMSELVES AS CHANA? If I were to refer to myself as a food item, I'd probably call myself cookie or something. I AM A TOUGH COOKIE TO BREAK.

It is because of songs like these that I have issues.  Anxiety issues among other issues.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Home Alone Diaries

So my parents are visiting sister in Bangalore.  They are returning on Sunday and I still have the weekend by myself to enjoy my freedom.

Which includes watching whatever the shit I want to watch on TV.  Especially since I am not made to sit through Sasural Simar Ka.  Former Balika Vadhu, the girl-woman Avika Gor, needs one tight slap for acting at least 10 years older than she is.

Anyway, I digress.

Best part is, the upcoming weekend.  I have no idea what I want to do over the weekend starting tonight.

It has been a while since I went out for a coffee by myself.  But then, since I am home alone, I can always make myself a cup of coffee and drink it, which will be a coffee date with myself.  But that's no fun. Because if I go to this Zen cafe next to Sundervan (I love leaving my online footprints in the hopes that my secret admirer will bump into me someday) (and also because it is my favourite hangout spot) I will at least see some faces.  I may not like many people, but I do like being surrounded by people.  And then there are many others like me who keep visiting that place - a lot of times on their own. It's like a den for the #ForeverAlones who like being by themselves.

But I will go to Zen tonight.. right after office, I think. Maybe I should take my Mac to office today (see how strategically I included how I have a Mac? Because it is such a pretty device, it should be talked about) so I can sit at Zen and write the manuscript of the next best seller.

There is no excitement in life in general.  No adrenaline rush. There has to be something thrilling, which could potentially put your life in danger, but then you survive because if my life cannot be a romantic comedy, it could at least be a thriller, right?

I am almost hoping for something to happen.  Because life is boring.  And boring is just boring.

On that note, I'll make a move, CID episode is running on Sony right now. OMG EXCAAAAAITE.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

India 2020

Every great leader has a vision for India in 2020.

The first time someone had a vision for India in 2020 was at the turn of the century when the 20 years looked too long.  Well, for last 10 years, India was stuck in a limbo, except dial up internet was replaced by WiFi. <3 p="">
But as future #WorldPresident, I have a vision too.  And though adjusting for last 10 years of #PolicyParalysis (I love the word, and also showing off how such a hot shot journalist I am now) I should actually be laying down vision for India 2030, but 2020 has a good ring to it.

Anyhooo. So what do I envision as India's future?

Here are some pointers.

1.  Pedestrians will come to realise that roads are not their pappa's jaagir.  And that their safety, especially when they are jaywalking with earphones plugged in, is not in the hands of the motorists.  Maybe we will create a separate layer of land above the current land, like flyover/skywalk type, but covering entire earth and the pedestrians can do whatever the shit they want on their own land.  Just stop walking on the roads.

2.  Every individual to have a climate, temperature controlled capsule which they can wear.  Like personal orb of sort which they wear around and it keeps them cool as they want.

3.  Ahmedabad may be declared remote territory of the Sun.  Because there can be no other reason why it is so fucking hot here.

4.  Autorickshaws to be replaced by Rickocopters (an autorickshaw and helicopter hybrid) which runs on paan pichkaaris as fuel.  This will solve multiple problems.  Ricky Martins (Autorickshaw drivers) will stop paan pichkaari on the road.  And since the autorickshaws cannot possibly go any faster on the road as they have exhausted the highest speed humany possible for something as terrifying as the three-wheeled wonder that it is, getting them off the road and on the air may just solve half the world's problems.

Or OMG. They can join the jaywalking pedestrians on the layer parallel to the earth.

5.  Cars will start running on sheer willpower.  Because renewable sources of energy is too mainstream.  Also because it will totally advocate the law of attraction.

6.  Which brings me to myself, because I am India and India is me and I should totally be able to earn just enough to travel the world, buy all the gadgets I want and watch romantic comedy and criminal drama movies.  By that time, should also totally trick someone to fall in louuuw with me.

I am bored now. Also, got to take shower because it is Saturday and is it really a Saturday if your mother has no errands lined up for you to run?

Oh and did I tell you parents to be in Bangalore till next weekend. WHEEEEEE. I am home alone and totally going to partaaaaay.


I have no friends. :|

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

To the silent readers

Dear silent readers of this blog,

I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for being there.

Do drop in a line some day, if you ever feel like talking to me, ok? I'd love to know you guys. What you do, where you're from.. as long as you love me.. sorry, I digress. I mean, do write to me.  I'd really, really like to know you guys and if ever I meet you, I'd treat you to a coffee (sorry, Ahmedabad mein no alcoholic beverages, legally available, that is)

Yea? So write to me? nirwamehta at gmail dot com?

I'm in a generally great mood today. <3 nbsp="" p="">

Monday, August 11, 2014

Shikhandi And Other Tales They Don't Tell You

As someone who loves Hindu mythology, Shikhandi And Other Tales They Don't Tell You by Devdutt Patnaik is a lovely read.

And having known someone who is a homosexual and his everyday struggles.. and everyone who tells him how Hinduism is against it and how the law makes his existence illegal, reading about how queerness was just a way of life, even for Gods, just makes you realise how much is lost in interpretation.

And how our ancient scriptures, the folk tales and the epics were actually way too modern (not necessarily for the Pushpak Viman came before Wright Brothers theory) than their modern day interpretations are.

The collection of 30 stories, with commentary on the same, questioning the translation, interpretations we grew up reading, is a delightful read.

Nature does not differentiate, nature includes all.  Democracy is more like people in power trying to decide what is right and what is wrong and pass off their own thoughts as laws.

Patnaik's latest book is a quick read, giving you lovely insights without really being preachy because queerness is a delicate subject.

Handled very, very well, I'll give this book a four stars out of five.

Name: Shikhandi And Other Tales They Don't Tell You
Author: Devdutt Patnaik
Price: Rs. 299
Courtesy: Flipkart

Sunday, July 20, 2014


It was darker than usual that evening.  The sky was covered with clouds which threatened to open up to rains any moment.  All eyes looked up to the sky with hopeful eyes.  The monsoon had been delayed by more than a month.  Soon it started drizzling.  The parched earth soaked up every drop of water that came its way.

Just as I stepped out of office, the drizzle turned into a very heavy rainfall, as if compensating for the lack of rainfall in last few weeks.  Or maybe the rain gods just wanted to see the happiness on everyone's faces.

For someone who isn't really fond of rains (the mud and mosquitoes and other unknown bugs that accompany the rains is not really my idea of fun), I was glad to walked over to my car with the heavy downpour drenching me.  

There were narrow streams of rainwater everywhere which took me back to my childhood where I would make paper boats out of newspapers (heh) and let them sail on the streams.

Of course, now, stepping on those streams is like walking into unchartered territory as you may never know which dead creature you may be stepping on.

As I walked towards my car, I suddenly felt I stepped on an unfamiliar surface.  It took me a while to register that my right foot was on the road and I was not wearing my flipflops (black converse, in case you were curious).  My first reaction was to call ACP Pradyuman to solve the mystery of my missing chappal, but then quickly dismissed it when I realised Dr. Salunkhe may be called to take my x-ray or some such exotic test.

As if adding to the mystery, the streetlights went off.  Only that there were no streetlights there to begin with.  I realised later that there are no streetlights in the street.  But unless you are trying to find something in the dark you don't realise there is no source of light normally in that place.

I was desperate and stood still for the fear of stepping on to an unknown animal poop with no protective gear on my feet. (#funfact: I once stepped onto a cow poo and till date no one in office knows my feet were the source of the intoxicating smell that filled the dingy little room)

And then, like a saviour, a car with high beams on approached from the opposite side.  And like a deer caught in headlights, I froze.  Because 20 feet away, my flipflops were floating away to glory, like Titanic on her maiden (and only) journey. (wait, is it okay to make light of tragedies that happened over a century ago?)

But it was still good 20 feet away.  How I wish I were Deepika Padukone and could reach my flipflops with just one lunge.  But it was not meant to be.

There was not a second to waste.  Because every second I stood there, my flipflop was catching speed downstream moving away from me.

That is when I took the leap of faith and prayed to myself (bhagwan hum sab mein baste hai) and walked over and before the crush (no, real life crush, whose name I don't know) could see what happened.  Not that he was around anyway.  But why take a chance?

So kids, always be careful when you get nostalgic when you become adults, okay?  #ProTip

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Marriage - Divorce - Remarriage

I have a problem.  With the society at large.

The society which encourages people to stay in an abusive relationship because even now, even in the urban educated youth, 'divorce is the "kaala dhabba" in the family's name'.

The society which worries, that two people, who have no love, no respect for each other, and where one is abusive towards the other, should remain married because, "who will remarry them if they get divorced?"

The society which thinks that a woman who gets divorced will only be able to get married to a guy who is a divorced man himself.  Because 'it is difficult otherwise.'

The society where divorce still is someone's 'fault' and not lack of compatibility. (no, not talking about the abusive partner here) because really, if the person is educated, has good job, earns well, how does compatibility matter?

This society which I talk of is made up of well qualified individuals.

I have seen family and friends from close counters who have gone through the divorce ordeal.  It is not easy. And really, sometimes, it is just two people who fell irrevocably out of love.  Why should you deny someone another chance to find love only because "society" thinks so?

The other day my sister was insisting I create a matrimonial profile.  Because while I want to believe in a You've Got Mail love story, she is more realistic about life.  So she has taken upon herself to find me a groom. (yes, all those interested, kindly get in touch with her). Before she could ask, I told her I am open to marrying someone who has been through divorce.  Not trying to be a moral police here, but why should being a 'divorced' person be someone's identity? Could lack of compatibility not a possibility?

Having said that, it is an individual's will whether he/she wants to marry someone who's divorced.  My problem is with the society, who thinks a divorced person only 'deserves' another divorced person to marry. Thereby discriminating against them.

I have come across men (and women) who have been through divorce and they are the loveliest people, and men (and women) who have never been married before and are such jerks that I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with them.

I am not sure if it is rest of India problem or only the Gujarati chauvinist community which produces such gems who think too highly of themselves and consider themselves the purest forms of beings but I feel we have a long way to go.

A very long way.

Sunday, June 22, 2014


Have you ever wondered if your black is the same as my black? Or your taste of sugar is the same as mine?

We all agree sugar tastes sweet, but is your sweet the same as mine? What if it tastes salty to you, but for you, every sweet thing you ate has been salty, but you have just grown up believing that salty is actually sweet and hence you never realised.

What if the red I see is different from the red you see? Maybe both of us see the same red, but different shades? What if what is red to me is actually blue to you but you have always known what you see as blue as red and hence even though we are seeing the same stuff, we are actually seeing different stuffs but are never realising shit like that.

Similarly smell, touch and hearing. Are we all in sync here?

What if you see something else written here, but are able to comprehend because your brain was trained to comprehend it that way.

Doesn't it ever freak you out?

I sometimes do. Especially when I tell people that some people blink loudly. I mean, you cannot hear them, but they blink it so loudly, you can hear them.

And there are times when I think I could taste colours. Not really taste them, but sometimes I think that if I could taste them, some colours would taste and smell like that. 

I think orange would taste bitter.  That is the only colour I have figured out the taste of. 

Maybe I should just go sleep.

The entity reading this as I type this also wants me to sleep so it can stare at me as I sleep.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Missed Connection: The world needs more of these

I am an eternal romantic.  Pathetic one too.

I would like to blame it on the Yash Chopra and Karan Johar movies I grew up watching, for my misplaced sense of love and romance and happily ever after.  But then, if watching violent movies don't make you a murderer, watching rom-coms shouldn't make you a pathetic romantic loser, no?

Is being romantic bad? Is it bad that I have hopes that some day I will come across someone who will truly, madly, deeply fall in love with me?  Is it wrong to be hopeful?

Especially when you know where your flaws are. I know I am not the kind of person guys fall in love with.  I am not pretty, wear sexy clothes, updated with fashion trends.

I wear loose simple cotton clothes, and most of the times, footwear which is more comfortable than trendy. I carry a backpack around. I am more likely to be found sitting alone in a cafe than partying with a bunch of friends. (mostly because I live in Gujarat where the only place you can possibly party is also cafes. Also because I don't have a lot of friends.)

One time this guy was drinking black coffee by himself at Zen cafe (yes, that's my favourite, in case you haven't figured it out yet). He was just sitting there. Possibly waiting for his friends.  Where we looked at each other. Locked eyes, and then I looked away. Because.

A friend joined me in few minutes and he was still sitting there, sipping his coffee, casually glancing towards me.  Extremely strong peripheral vision. I glanced back too. Because that's what I do when I get conscious. 

Few minutes later, his friends (presumably) joined him.  A chatty bunch they are. Cacophony of sounds, including the whiniest voice emerged from that corner.  This guy is still the quietest one.  He probably came in early to soak in the silence before the noise comes in.  From the corner of my eye I can still glance towards me every few minutes.

Few minutes later the bunch of friends left.. I was still there with my friend.. (for someone who claims to be shy and introvert, I do tend to talk a lot) we left in another half an hour.. As we left the cafe, he was still there.. sitting on the concrete bench, right outside the cafe. Just staring into nothingness.

We looked at each other again. This time, a little longer than 2 second gaze.. and this time too, I was the first to look away.

After that day, I have seen him a few times at the same cafe.  But we have never interacted. 

Then for a month I didn't see him.. I didn't give much thought to it. (loljk, I sometimes wondered where he was - I find strangers fascinating)

Then one day I was meeting a friend.. this time, we chose a coffee day outlet near my house (in case you're wondering, Mansi circle - if you ever see me there, come say HI. I don't bite)

As I parked, I had a familiar feeling.. I looked around.. Yes, same guy, almost as surprised to see me there as I was to see him.  As my friend was waiting for me already, I went inside, and now it has been over a month and I've not seen him.

No, I'm not in love with him (though the post starts on love and romance), but the concept of missed connections.  What if there was a reason we were there at the same time?

What if there is a reason to why we come across people.  Is serendipity real?

What if I hadn't followed some people (on twitter, I don't follow people in real life, that's creepy. Internet roxxx) I have met in real life who have become some of my greatest friends?

What if I hadn't replied to some emails?

What if.

I know I may never see the guy at cafe again.  What if I had gathered enough courage to go up and say hi?  Could we have been friends now?

And in a very what-is-the-purpose-of-life style question, what if there is a reason you are reading this blog (other than that I plugged it on Twitter and you just clicked on it because I'm kind of cute)

More than the ifs, the world needs to ask more what ifs, because we truly live only once, and life is too short to think twice when your gut feeling says otherwise.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Saturday night emo

Everyone has shitty relatives.

Mine are even more so.

I have legit reasons to dislike (to put it mildly, because I don't really want to say hate because really, they don't quite deserve even the hatred) them, mostly because they are so hurtful and hateful and generally vicious.

I have always avoided confrontations of any sort. Have always lived in a shadow of an elder sibling who is known to have spoken her mind, and thus not widely loved in the family.  She's lovely, but if she doesn't like people (and she doesn't), she will kind of let it known. I, on the other hand, have mostly kept an air of indifference.  And a lot of times, genuinely liked some people I am related to at different points in time. (over time, I kind of start developing indifference even to them, but that's because they defy all laws of common sense)

Oh, and have I told you I'm kinda fluffy? Technically, overweight (ok, not technically because I have not even weighed myself in forever so, just assuming I fall in overweight range, and not morbidly obese or something) 

So, you see, all these years, the only thing that has defined my has been my weight.  Which is fine, as long as you also acknowledge other qualities I have (even though I am overly generous to myself and I kick humility out of window by ackowledging I have qualities). 

But even then, I was never recipient of mean comments from family mostly because their vanity never reached me.  You see, I was never the competition.  The competition of vanity was between elder sibling, one insanely stupid elder cousin and few aunts.  I was not even considered because, well, I have always been fluffy.  Who finds fluffy attractive anyway?

Now, I have managed to gain exponential weight in last one decade. It was perhaps one of the shittiest decade of my life. Not that I've had many.  But still.  A lot of personal and professional shit happening.  Too much to get into detail now.  (also, considering I've always eaten my feelings, I'd not bet on talking about it even now when I stopped doing it - I may need loads of coaxing and maybe few incentives (like the deathly hallows metal symbol for my harry potter theme keychain collection) to get me to speak up).

Now, this post is mostly to let the steam off.  Because one particular aunt has pissed me off to no extent.

And because mom wouldn't let me answer back (plus, I don't think I can really answer back - remember the confrontation issues? yea, I couldn't quite defend myself without breaking into tears).

This aunt has been particularly cruel.  Oh, and not to tell insanely vain who competes with her own daughter (who's 32 - and epitome of stupidity) and is basically pretty much messed up.

So last year, as I have said before, I started my journey to reclaim the life I had let go.  It sounds dramatic, and it is to some extent. It was that one moment when I decided to be little selfish and love myself more than I loved others. 

Anyway, first step was to reclaim my health. A time when I could not walk 2 kms in 30 minutes without going out of breath.  Yea, pretty bad.  January 2013 it was.  And for no other reason but to be able to do things I want to.  Travel across Europe - see the world - eat the food I want to eat - (yes, Pizza in Naples - just tomato sauce and cheese and that's it) live in New York - go to all the places I have only seen in romantic comedies - and why not? You only live once, right?

Coming back - it was in January that I started - by March, it was too hot to go for evening walks, and I started walking in mornings.  So, vicious aunt gets to know that I have started morning walks.  She calls up my mom and asks, "oh, does she want to get bariatric surgery done?" We have no idea where that came from.

Few things.

1.  You never asked me before why I let myself go this far.  If you were so concerned, why didn't you ask? Why didn't you intervene? Ever wondered what was eating me up?

2.  I have finally - on my own - started taking steps to better health - why the fuck would you suggest the extreme option?

Now, it may not seem like much to you, as a reader, but as someone who had just started out taking care of her life after 27 years, it sounded like a major blow - am I that much of a failure that I need surgical help to get healthy? Not helping. Not helping at all.

Thankfully she asked it to my Mom, who was equally hurt by the outrageous suggestion.  Mom told me not to pay much attention because "she is like that only". 

And honestly, I don't believe, "she doesn't mean bad in her heart, she just doesn't know what to say". Bullshit.  I know her well enough to know how much malice she has in her heart.

Now, I moved on. (no, I've never forgotten that, and never would)

Last Sunday we again had a family gathering.  Now, a day before I had gathered some comparative pictures of me from before my health journey to now.  (my victories have been non-scale - I refuse to get on the scale because I know that would be discouraging, but I've gone down two sizes in jeans, so that's something to be happy about, right?) And another aunt was going through pictures I had recently clicked at the gathering.  She stumbled upon my comparative pictures. (like, really, people should stop going through other people's pictures without permission. Especially when there are chances that the person may not like you)  And she was surprised and happy to see them.  When the vicious aunt comes to the room, this non-vicious aunt showed her my pics. 

Now, first of all, for first 4 minutes, vicious aunt refuses to believe I have lost any weight. Okay, maybe you see me often to not notice the change.

Then she sees the comparative pictures.  And still refuses to believe any changes.  "Must be the angle".

Okay, then. I don't need your validation, but it wouldn't hurt if you say one good thing at least once.

Then she adds, "why don't you lose the weight faster?"

I say, it will take its own pace, because I am not really aiming for that - I am just trying to be healthier, weight loss is an added bonus, which I am very happy about.  I am in a much better mental health than I was last year.

"But then don't you wish you would look nice? So that we can get you married?"

Excuse me?

Took me two seconds to recover from this blow before I said, "I anyway look nice." as I tried very hard not to cry.  Was I just told by someone my mother's age I am not married because I am not thin which makes me unattractive?

So apparently, only reason a 28 year old girl is unmarried is because she is fat.  Because obviously, the fact that I could be kind, sensitive, loving holds nothing in front of my body weight.  The only way to get me married is for me to lose weight.  And I have decided to lose weight is so I can find a good match to marry. Thank you for making my weight as my only identity. 

Fat shaming is one of the cruelest thing a fat person has to undergo.  "You are so funny, smart, intelligent.  If only you'd lose some weight." *proceeds to order a large pizza and eat it at one go*

But you know, despite being overweight, let me point out a few things I can do:

1. walk 5 kms in less than an hour (yes, I'm improving on timing)
2. 20 pushups. (not all the way to the floor, but on my toes - I'm improving on the intensity)
3. 20 burpees/suicide jumps
4. 8 tricep dips (yea, working on improving that too)
5. 30 crunches. (counting only the ones I can do without a break, and not losing form.)

few more things.  Oh, and know what? I plan to take part in the marathon next year for which I plan to start training soon.  Even if I don't run the full marathon, I'm totally running the dream run of 5 kms.  Trust me, I'll finish it in less than 30 minutes.  Why? Because I want to. Not because I have to.

I don't think I will ever be able to forgive her.  I have lost whatever little respect I had for her.

Oh, and yes, I do have stretch marks.  What if a guy finds it gross and doesn't want to marry me? (yes, that was also a concern)

Well, these are like my war wounds - I have fought near clinical depression. On my own. However flawed my coping mechanism was and is, I have fought my own battles without belittling others.  My wars. My wounds. I am proud of the fact that despite reaching the lowest of the low points in my life, I have tried to bounce back. 

And know what? It is okay.  If my being fluffy is a deal breaker for someone to fall in love with me, then so be it.  I am better off on my own, loving the internet. 

But I am willing to hope the world is not full of men whose only criteria for loving someone is how thin she is. And there will be someone who is willing to accept me for who I am. With all my weight.  (physical only, left the emotional baggage far behind - it was travelling Air India)  Though I sometimes wish there was at least someone who cared enough to scan through it.

Anyway, I don't know where this post is heading.

Ah, well, let me get back to internet.  Where no one is judging and everyone is weird and I don't have any hurtful relatives lurking around.

Anyway, gotta wake up early - planning an early morning bike ride. :D

Yay endorphins.