Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Body Guard : Movie Review

I'm writing a movie review after a long time. But it has been a long time since I saw a movie where i left the theatre saying, 'what the fuck was that?'. And not in a good way.

So I am a Salman Khan fangirl, and let me say it upfront that dude, the only thing good about the movie body guard was Salman Khan. But seriously, what was the whole purpose of making this movie?

I'll leave the technicalities of the movie aside.. i have no clue on how i can judge the cinematography or whatever shit. But i'll tell you, the movie had NO story, which would have been okay, if it was a no story well told. Know what I mean?

Also, a spoiler alert, if you're planning to watch this film, you may want to read this after watching, so that your movie watching experience does not get clouded by my pointed questions.

1. Who the hell was that other girl? Was she kareena's friend? if yes, why was she staying with kareena, sleeping in her bed, using the same loo, even if the house is a hugeass house? why not another room? Till the end of the movie, i thought her sole purpose was to get killed by mistake by the goons (one of whom was aditya pancholi. yes, he had kajal in his eyes). but no, she brought in the twist in last 15 minutes making everyone go, 'what the fuck?'.

2. Aditya Pancholi reminds me. So in this sequence, he plans to kill kareena with the help of a toy helicopter. He was remotely handling the toy, with the hopes that the fan will kill kareena, but of course, man is faster than machine, and kareena runs away from a flying toy helicopter. Wouldn't it have been easier to have planted a bomb in the toy helicopter and flown it next to kareena and blow her off? Of course, they should've done that in the first 5 minutes of the movie. (ps, but then, after killing her, please give me all her kurtis, ok?)

3. Raj Babbar playing The Godfather. I rest my case.

4. Asrani. Asrani is at his creepmax best in last 15 minutes. Please watch the movie, and keep this point in mind, when he asks that kid, 'divya aunty (kareena) ko pehchana?' fucker, the kid has met divya aunty for the first time, how will he know? sapne aate hai? And even in the end, 'beta, divya aunty ko bye bola?' mind your own business, dude, why are you so obsessed with the kid saying things to divya aunty? huh? HUH?

5. Salman Khan <3 <3 <3 He's the best thing about the movie. But yaar, why did you have to run in that song? Priyatame, only Hrithik Roshan looks hot while running. You, on the other hand, look like you're jumping on a trampoline. Also, you are adorable, i loved the way you said "hello" while picking up the phone. At times, when i want to bug my sis, i also answer phone like that and keep saying hello in different ways. you reminded me of myself, and i wanted to pull my own cheeks then. yes, his point is completely random.

6. Lekin yaar, whatever you say, salman is a sweetheart. I dont remember any other actor commanding whistles in the theatre the way salman does. Audience in the theatre went crazy everytime he did/said something. That's the thing about a super star. I clapped a few times too. I didn't whistle, because i can only whistle the tapori whistle. This putting finger in mouth and whistling i need to learn.

In the meantime, please, if you're making any such mindless movies, at least have some stories or let them be well written.

But then, Atul Agnihotri has come a long way from his "Hello" days.

A must watch for Salman fans, you wont be disappointed, till last 15 minutes.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

How to show you are not my friend?

You hate my guts. In fact, you hate everything about me. Following me on twitter and being my friend on facebook was your guilty pleasure.

Or maybe I was your facebook friend because at some point I played farmville and you wanted me to be your neighbour so you could increase your farm size or hoped that someday I will send out those bushels of grapes or whatever shit you grew on your virtual farm.

But since you had hundreds of friends, you never quite realised I had you on limited profile list, where you could not have access to my wall, my photographs, and I had blocked and reported spam to all farmville and cityville notifications. Yeah. #win

You unfriended me once on facebook. But few weeks later, you again wanted one more neighbour in your farm. You added me again. Never quite realising I never got any of your notifications to join you as a neighbour. And seriously, I can't even tolerate you in real life, why would I want you as my neighbour in a virtual world? *shudders* Also, I was just being polite by accepting your friends request.

And then twitter. Ah, twitter. Lovely, lovely addiction. Even there you follow hundreds of people, while I'm baffled how people keep track of so many people they follow. I'm struggling, but slowly increasing the number cos there are so many awesome people out there!! I digress. So coming back to twitter.

As I mentioned before, you hate me, but going through my tweets, which doesn't have settings like limited profile, were open. You could read, laugh at my tweets, agree/disagree, but never reply. Why? Because you are way above me. It's below you to reply to my lowly tweets.

But you started hating me, and so you had to let me know. You unfollow me. But, every other hour, you visit the profile, read my tweets and burn yourself in anger towards me.

So, seriously, how old are you - emotionally and mentally? And how seriously do you take yourself? And Social Networking?

And not that it matters, but seriously, why are you so negative about everything in general? What is it about people and relationships that make you so insecure that you start taking virtual relationships so seriously?

If my presence didn't affect you, why go to such lengths to show you are not my friend? :-)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Second Freedom Struggle

Yeah, right.

All those who're going, "we support Anna Hazare in his struggle for getting us second independence", please go read up definitions of democracy. Also, before posting facebook statuses like act of police of putting anna in jail is undemocratic, please look up the definition of undemocratic also. I could post links here, but am just too bored.

I'm sick and tired of people comparing the delhi police arresting hazare and company with the british atrocities. Please go back to school and read history. There is a difference between fasting against britishraj, and fasting to armtwist the government in a theoretically fully functional democratic country.

I'm not justifying what the police or the government did.. but at the same time, what anna is doing is blackmailing. I've read bits and parts of the drafts of the bills, but since I've not read them fully, I shall refrain from commenting on them, but I remember anna had said long back that he will go on fast from 16th august if the bills are not passed. Now, that's a threat. Secondly, you refuse to accept the fact that the government has drafted a bill. If you don't agree with teh bill, show your outrage against the draft, getting it redrafted.. But giving such watertight deadlines, and refusing to acknowledge any steps taken in the direction is just arrogance.

Also as @shenoyn pointed out these guys are all talking about bringing those who're corrupt/taken bribes to task, what about those who've paid? What about the evil itself?

Oh, don't give me the at least some step is better than no step in that direction crap, I know all that shit. I support the cause, not the method. I want India to be a corruption free country, but I refuse to support Anna in his fasting mission.

I refuse to call this fasting drama a second struggle to freedom. We have already been freed 64 years back. It's because of that freedom that today I am able to write this blog, you are reading this, and Anna is fasting. The constitution of a soverign socialist secular democratic republic of India gives me the freedom to express myself. But it does not give me the freedom to coerce the government.

Yes, there are thousands of things wrong with the people running the country, and yes, we complain that we only have chosen them, and I don't even know what is the solution to that. But I refuse to support a fast unto death threat.

Just because someone wears white kurta/pajama and a Nehru topi, he doesn't become a Gandhian. I've known and met Gandhians in my life and they are very, very, humble and sensible people. How many other Gandhians are supporting hazare? Also, who decides he is a Gandhian? Just because he goes on a fast, he is a Gandhian? Gandhi was a great man. He was one of the men instrumental in getting us this freedom, with the help of truth and non violence. Not with threats or coercion.

Anyway, I'm done with my #outrage here. You may want to see what the rest of the internet world is searching for about Anna Hazare

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


I always find the drive to Gandhinagar soothing. The highway connecting Ahmedabad to Gandhinagar is beautiful and lovely trees and small time village theme restaurants on the way. The concrete building of Gujarat High Court is also on the way, with the Indian flag flying high. I've always been fascinated by the building. Further ahead, you will find corn sellers. Yea, boiled and roasted corn. Amdavadis love the American Corn served hot with spicy and tangy masala. And right before you enter the state capital, the beautiful Narmada Canal welcomes you. They have these boards written there to discourage those who come there to commit suicide. Yea, all these lakes and canals are favourite spots for committing suicides.

I've always found suicide to be the extreme form of action. What if someone suddenly changes his/her mind after taking the plunge. You jump into the river, and you suddenly feel, you want to live because you've had a brilliant idea, what could you do? Especially when you don't know swimming! For someone with a wavering mind like mine, contemplating suicide would be metaphorically committing suicide. (you got the gist, or should I explain more?)

So today, on my way back from work, as radio played main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya, I took a right turn towards Gandhinagar instead of the usual left towards home. It was drizzling and occasionally sudden gust of wind would bring down some heavy drops of water. The windshield would get all distorted with the rain and the wiper would clean it up in one swift motion. Had I been a philosopher, I would have said that that's exactly how we should see our life as. No matter how distorted our life seems, one swoosh of wiper and you'll be able to see your life clearly.

I hardly drove for twenty minutes when I saw the green board, "Welcome to Clean and Green Gandhingar". I didn't intend to drive this far. I looked at the phone screen to see what time it was (yea, I don't wear watches on regular basis). It was 10:40 pm. Whoa. I lost track of time, I guess. So I found the nearest exit and took a u-turn back to Ahmedabad.

There are certain songs which trigger off a series of thoughts and you get so absorbed in them that you get drifted in a completely different zone. Yea, getting into such spaces while driving on highways might not be the wisest thing to do. Especially when all the windows have started fogging and the visibility has considerably reduced.

So I was lost in my own thoughts when the car right behind me started flashing on high beam. Bugger, I thought, and decided not to give him side for being such an obnoxious driver. He started honking insanely and the flicking of headlights was blinding me. Alright, who am I teach a lesson to the crazy kids showing off their father's money? I gave the car it's way and the fancy new Audi A6 with the "Applied for Registration" stuck on the name plate zipped past honking itself to glory. Jerks.

Few minutes later I took the turn towards my home and there I saw it. A crowd of 25-30 people had suddenly gathered near what seemed like an accident sight.

A brand new Audi A6. Applied for registration.

Four men, aged between 23 to 26, died on the spot.

They were coming back from a 'ride' in the new car which got delivered today.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Dear Young Self,

Dear Young Self,

So you've grown up to be me, so whatever you've done, you've done it right. Of course, a lot of things could've been different. But then, it won't be as much fun, no?

But then, you should've read more books. You picked up reading quite late, and there are thousands of books which you wish you had read, you have bought them and they are resting nicely in the bookshelf. Pick them up and read. Trust me, you won't regret. And if your friends think you are a nerd, well, so be it. They've grown up being losers anyway.

Internet will be addictive. You will meet wonderful people through this medium. They'll become your greatest friends. But, then, they will remain just that. You will know only their internet identity and only what they tell you. Go out and meet real people, make real friends, have crush on people you've actually met/seen. Virtual identity is just that. Virtual.

Before you make career decisions, think. Ask yourself if you like it. Look up other options. Do not just blindly follow the decisions your dad makes for you. He may be knowing a lot of things, but then, he doesn't know everything. Learn to say no, or eventually, when you grow up, and you don't listen to your dad, you'll get distanced.

Along with accepting failure, learn to accept heartbreaks. You will come across men who will hurt you so much that you'll start up distrusting every other guy who comes in your life. Don't let one person's act scar you for life. Have faith in yourself, your heart will heal itself. You are stronger than you think.

Be a little selfish. Love yourself a little more than you love people around you. It's not wrong.

Enjoy the #smalljoys of life.

Keep in touch with your friends. I know you like to go into your shell and not keep in touch withe people, but it only harms you. Go out, make an effort to keep in touch with them. Meet them, call them up. You'll feel better.

But then, all said and done, just be your awesome self. You may want to regret a few decisions, but then in the hindsight, it always happens for a reason.

lots of love,

older, but not wiser,