Sunday, November 30, 2014

Existence in multiple dimensions

I have a theory we exist in multiple dimensions at the same time.  I also believe that Chaos Theory is actually just another way of talking about law of Karma. 

Does this mean we have absolutely no control over what is happening? Do we decide certain things because we are 'meant' to? Whatever happened to the fact that the sole reason I pursued chartered accountancy for so long was because my dad wanted me to. In hindsight, I could have decided not to pursue. I could have chosen not to study at all and flunk in all papers and could've given it up even before I started. But then I didn't. *I* didn't.

Similarly, one mundane event today could snowball into a significant event tomorrow. How do we know which event is mundane/insignificant today? And what all could it lead to? Wouldn't it be fantastic if we knew exactly what would be the outcome of that decision you took today? Is it *you* from another dimension, another time space, coming to you to nudge you to take that decision? What did you do in that dimension to reach that place, and why would you try and influence your own decisions? Aren't you yourself violating the principles of free will?

*takes break to snort caffeine*

Are dreams the communication medium for different mediums? Like that one time when I woke up after I dreamt of being involved in car crash and then having a blue-green bruise on my back where I had dreamt I had hurt myself? And then later same day on my way back from Gandhinagar when I took another turn than my usual way and the dream I had earlier in the morning flashed before my eyes with one slight realisation where the accident site would have been on my usual route back home.  Now I don't quite believe in supernaturals (but I don't watch horror movies either - why would anyone in right frame of mind want to watch something that scares you? Aren't humans scary enough that you want the supernaturals?) but was that me from another dimension telling me to not take that route?

*snorts bournvita*

Similarly people. Isn't it said you meet everyone for a reason? Who comes up with such stuff? Are you trying to tell me I have no control over the kind of people I have come across? Well, not really. I had no choice in choosing classmates - it was school and college admission process - and really classmates were terrible.  And co-workers either. So basically, I really have no choice.  

But why do we meet/talk to people we do? Why does everything need to have a stupid lesson? And those who are in our lives for very short period? Like the 2 month long endless conversations only to be abandoned abruptly? Or brief 2 liner emails once every few months even after knowing them for years? 

And those of you (other than the usual suspects who read the blog despite the randomness *insert heart* S, R, M, S, I'm talking about you - others, I don't know who you are - if you're a fan, send a mail, I'd be delighted - first name last name at gmail dot com and lord Goga will bless) who read this blog and enlighten yourselves periodically with the endless gyaan I have to give - why are you here? Why did you choose my blog to read at this very moment!

Omg. So much to discuss, so much to say, I need some sugar rush.

Anyway, I will go now.  Mostly because it is Sunday and I want to watch TV and must claim the remote before dad does.  


Friday, November 21, 2014

My Tryst With Destiny

I had the pleasure of using an autorickshaw today.  You see, when you have a ride of your own, you kind of forget how autorickshaw don't have a seatbelt and no one sitting inside it wears a helmet.

I may have died and resurrected a few times in the span of 20 minute ride I undertook.

Hell hath no fury like an angry Amdavadi ricksha-walo.  Also, no one is in more rush than an Amdavadi rickshaw-walo.  I am almost sure we were in the air for a few seconds because of the jet speed the auto was almost flying at.  Totally naming all future autos as rickocopters.

You also do not want to come in way of a Ricky Martin who has chosen to ride on that road that moment.  If you are, you get waved at.  I noticed the kaka (as all auto drivers are fondly called, or bhai, maybe) wave randomly at people.  At first I thought he knew the pretty ladies in the cars he was waving at.  Or the weird dude in silver Honda City who waved at me.  Then I realised he was waving at them as if to say "dekh ke chalo" because autorickshaws in Ahmedabad do not have brakes.  They stop at the will of the driver, and the driver never wishes for such events.

Effects of FDI in Gujarat
No one thinks that an auto rickshaw is a technological wonder.  It works on three wheels. THREE.  How do you even balance things on uneven things like that? No one questioned the design of the three wheeled wonder? How?

Having said that, have you seen/heard this Kishore Kumar song where he is extremely excaaaaaaaite as being an Amdavadi Rickshawalo?

Asrani is Amdavadi Rickshawalo and he is showing around the city.  Interestingly, most of these iconic place are still around.  Some of these places have witnessed history being created and watching such videos make me immensely proud.

Anyway, coming back to the Amdavadi Rickshawalas, some of them might be responsible for making some of the people sitting on the fence become believers.  I almost knocked on the Pearly Gates and came back.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, thank you for lending me your eyes. (because lending ears is too mainstream, also you guys read this, didn't hear it, so.)

Aap jaa sakte hai, namaste.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Rules for pedestrians

We have driving rules.  Why not walking rules?

Just because people choose to walk does not mean they are never at fault in case of an accident.  Why should they be excused from following the rules? Are there even rules in place?

Jaywalkers.  Like really.  Pappa's rasta. No, walk towards the edge. Not in middle of the road.  Your life is *not* my responsibility.  Don't take me wrong - I am a very careful driver, but then, roads are for driving, walkways/footpaths are for walking - please respect!

Zebra crossing. It is there for a reason. Cross when pedestrian crossing light goes green, and yes, if you wait, it does go green. Stop running across the road like headless chicken.  One time I even saw a cow walk up to a crossing to cross the road. Surely you could too.

No earphones, please.  Because then you could not hear the incessant honking because you are in middle of traffic because of your music. I don't care - just listen in the comfort of your home. Not in middle of the road. Thank you very much.

Same goes with cyclists too.  Not your pappa's rasta - please respect others on the road too.

I am bored now.


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

How To: #1

How to survive attending a wedding where the only person you know there is the bride (and you are not the bride in question)

I am great with giving advice.  It's like so much gyaan, so little audience.

With the upcoming shaadi season, I am sure some of you may be invited to weddings where the only person you know there is the bride (or groom) and there is no way you could not attend it.

See, they took time out of their life, preparing for the big step in their lives, to think of you and to invite you.  So you must go there.  Be part of their important day.

But being amongst complete strangers terrifies you.  Or maybe it does not and it is just me.  But then in case it does, here's what you could do.

1.  Be on time.  You see, the late you reach, the more people will be there (because most people come late to shaadis) and lesser the people, higher the chances you may get some moments with the bride/groom.

2.  Be few minutes earlier and go meet the bride/groom before they enter the mandap.  Chances are you will end up leaving before the entire wedding ceremony is over.  So go, meet her/him, wish them personally, and if the person isn't a bridezilla/groomzilla, maybe hug them. Hugs are nice.

3.  Going to meet the bride/groom in their room also helps in other ways.  Like you may get to use the cleaner washroom.  (okay, in my defense, I drink a lot of water.)

4.  Go find the second most dressed lady.  Chances are bride's mother.  Go say hello.  Introduce yourself.  Say you got to go, she will give nice blessings like god bless you and leave.

5.  This is a good time to introspect and think about your life choices.  There you are, attending someone's wedding, wondering if the people around could be spotted from Mars because of the bling they're wearing?

6.  You may or may not come across your high school crush, who may now be married, and you try and slink away as if you never there in the first place.

Anyway, chances are you (I) will stand out in such places.  I was least dressed, wearing this new FabIndia jacket I got last week, which is apparently men's jacket (I knew it was men's jacket when I got it) and wearing plain cottons.  I am bound to stand out.  But today I chose to fight my awkwardness and be part of someone's big day.  I have realised I do not need to try to fit in.

Also, if and when I do get married, I'm getting married in my trackpants and t-shirt.

Also, if you want me to write guides on which awkward situation you want to get out of, write to me, and I will give gyaan.

I accept cash, gift and phooti kaudis as payments.


Saturday, November 15, 2014

Deconstructing Hindi Songs: Gutar Gutar

I have grown up watching terrible Hindi movies.  They are my guilty pleasure.  I know they are terrible, but there is hardly anything I could do to stop myself from watching them.

Mithun has been a variable constant in the guilty pleasure terrible movies I have enjoyed.  One such movie is called Dalaal. I will not get into the details of the movie because if you've not seen it, you're probably better off that way.

But then, the movie also gave us the brilliant song, "Gutar gutar".

It is a song about pigeon going gutar gutar because he can.

First watch this video.  Then watch the video I have posted below it.  Then again watch the song and sing yourself to sleep, while thrusting your pelvis like a maniac on sugar rush.  Seriously, whats with the steps. It's like even their abs must be having abs now.

This is the original song:

This is my blog.  Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen. Good night. *hugs*

Friday, November 14, 2014

Childhood trauma vs now

Repressed childhood traumatic incidents affect us as we grow older and shape our lives.  I am willing to bet half my habits and quirks are a reason of semi traumatic and traumatic events from childhood.

Like the one time.. when I was 3 year old and had fractured my hand.. and went to school with a plaster in my right hand.. and the teacher called me up in front of the class.. and told everyone in the class to be "brave like her".  No, just don't. Don't put me in a spot like that.  Ever since that day I was terrified of teacher calling out my name.  So much that when I was in senior kg, I would hide behind toys during attendance times because I could not understand why does the teacher have to call out my name every single day!

Of course, the fear of having to stand up in a class and speak remained till I graduated from college.  Even now spotlight on me makes me most nervous.

Then there was the dog incident.  The one time my cousin put a ferocious barking doberman, named Blondie because Hitler's dog was Blondie, yes, we Mehtas are eccentric - said cousin now has a great dane and is named Babulal, in my lap.  The dog barked so close to the face of a two year old me, I am still traumatised.  Dogs petrify me.  Of course, one of my many talents are imitating a dog's bark.  And sometimes they bark back at me. I am sure I mean something in their language.  I speak the #Woofletongue  But I am improving.  Last year I let a 2 month old lab pup lick my toes.  So all cool there.

Or that one time when I almost drowned.  Standard 6 class picnic to waterpark.  The slide ride kind of dropped me in water heads down and since I didn't know swimming, I struggled to put my feet on the floor (not too deep, must be barely 2-3 feet deep, the water) and I could not get up.  In those moments I knew I was dying.  Till a classmate of mine pulled me out of water.  God bless her soul.  Some day, when I see her again, I will thank her.  I'm sure she has no recollection of saving my life, but I am eternally grateful to her.  However, I am still terrified of water.  Water level below ankle deep scares me.  Oceans are terrifying, also because oceans are so mysterious and we have no clue what all exists under and they are so huge and so scary.  I would like to get over the fear someday, though.

So socially awkward - the misfit.  Spent entire school life trying to fit in.  I could not relate to most of my classmates because all they wanted to do was talk about boys and all I wanted to do was talk about internet and the world of mysteries.  They would fight and get into arguments over who said what and I had terrible memory to have any recollection on who said what.  I then became a recluse and spend most of my school and college life and even after that being a loner.  Till I accepted that I am different from them, I am a fashion disaster, wear my adidas with salwar kameez because I know I have to walk when I've to go to Gandhinagar, I do not know how to apply make up and look pretty, I do not know how to dress up.  But it is fine.  I am okay at being the awkward one.  I have embraced my weirdness.

Okay, now I am getting hungry.  Just woke up and because today is Children's Day I thought why not blog.

Also today is Friday.  Must bring out my new video. EXCAAAAITE.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Monday morning musings

Because why not.

So with parents out on vacation, and in last 24 hours my cumulative human interaction has been less than 30 seconds.

It has been a while since I wrote something here - I hope you have seen my video blogs - which are basically some of the most boring and wtf inducing moments you will spend in your life.

So I have been wondering lately.  Of the risks I have taken and not taken.  Of the decisions I've made. Not all of them have been wise, but if you weren't to take risks, have you truly lived?

And if you truly want something, when do you know it is time to cling on to it or to let it go? As I've said, hope is a terrible thing at times.  But if it weren't for hope, would we have the inclination to go on with our lives?

Why couldn't our lives be as dramatic as our movies? Like, if an important event were to happen, there would be music and maybe some aarti in the background with dhols and nagaras to give us a hint that dude, this event is important for your life - make sure you don't screw it up.

Men claim they cannot pick up subtle hints women leave them when they're interested - well, guess what! Even us women can't pick up hints the universe sends us.  Willing to bet universe is a lady but then I am not sure if that would a sexist comment and offensive to internet crusaders.

At this point in life I'd like some clarity.  For a change, I do not want to take things as they come.  I want to be prepared for what life throws up at me.

I wish I had read the terms and conditions before I signed up for this life.

PS: I am not sad or anything - just that not talking to a human for too long makes me philosophical and hence I have realised I kind of sort of like people.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Deconstructing Songs: Jaani Dushman Ek Anokhi Kahani

It is Friday evening and I am back.  I wanted to write a normal blog in between but I just got little too tied up.  Was traveling last two days in godforsaken Naliya - but I saw wind farm of Suzlon and that was amazing.  I LOVE TECHNOLOGY! Even more if it is green technology.  The roads were great, and thankfully, Vodafone network was also pretty decent.  About time we find a solution where batteries get charged at will, though.

Anyway, so this weekend, we have a Jaani Dushman track playing for you.  Jaani Dushman is a wonderful movie.  Once when I was a kid my dad saw me watch this movie and scolded me for watching movies that may spoil my imagination.  Not sure if he thought I'll start believing in such stuff.  But then he also brought me up believing in God, who could be as imaginary as you and I are real.

I must not blaspheme.

Anyway, so iMovies needs an update and I don't have the patience for it right now, hence even though I had initially planned I'll edit both the videos together, I am losing out on patience there.

So, first is the song in question.  Watch it in its totality.

And here's my deconstruction of the same. Excuse me, I'm just a little tired tonight.


Have fun, you guys. Also, here's the whole movie, in case anyone wants to check it out. (first few minutes of the movie are phenomenal)


Saturday, November 1, 2014

Deconstructing Songs: Madam X

So I am a little tired right now. Been out and about since 6 am and strange headache since afternoon and strange bleeding from my nose which is a little terrifying, but I am not gonna see a doc because I don't like docs.

Anyway, if I die, please let Salman Khan know I love him and that if he would have married me, I would have totally driven him around because clearly I'm a better driver with better track record.

I digress.

So, Madam X is a wonderful movie. It is  my go-to movie when I am feeling low and I need some surrealism and Jaani Dushman just won't cut it.  (not saying it's bad, just that you need to be in a jaani dushman kinda mood to enjoy it.)

So, here's Madam X followed by my video blog (watch first 15-20 minutes of Madam X (please, please, please) before heading off to watch my video, and you may choose to return to watch full movie later on.
And here's my video. I hope you like it.