Saturday, July 5, 2014

Marriage - Divorce - Remarriage

I have a problem.  With the society at large.

The society which encourages people to stay in an abusive relationship because even now, even in the urban educated youth, 'divorce is the "kaala dhabba" in the family's name'.

The society which worries, that two people, who have no love, no respect for each other, and where one is abusive towards the other, should remain married because, "who will remarry them if they get divorced?"

The society which thinks that a woman who gets divorced will only be able to get married to a guy who is a divorced man himself.  Because 'it is difficult otherwise.'

The society where divorce still is someone's 'fault' and not lack of compatibility. (no, not talking about the abusive partner here) because really, if the person is educated, has good job, earns well, how does compatibility matter?

This society which I talk of is made up of well qualified individuals.

I have seen family and friends from close counters who have gone through the divorce ordeal.  It is not easy. And really, sometimes, it is just two people who fell irrevocably out of love.  Why should you deny someone another chance to find love only because "society" thinks so?

The other day my sister was insisting I create a matrimonial profile.  Because while I want to believe in a You've Got Mail love story, she is more realistic about life.  So she has taken upon herself to find me a groom. (yes, all those interested, kindly get in touch with her). Before she could ask, I told her I am open to marrying someone who has been through divorce.  Not trying to be a moral police here, but why should being a 'divorced' person be someone's identity? Could lack of compatibility not a possibility?

Having said that, it is an individual's will whether he/she wants to marry someone who's divorced.  My problem is with the society, who thinks a divorced person only 'deserves' another divorced person to marry. Thereby discriminating against them.

I have come across men (and women) who have been through divorce and they are the loveliest people, and men (and women) who have never been married before and are such jerks that I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with them.

I am not sure if it is rest of India problem or only the Gujarati chauvinist community which produces such gems who think too highly of themselves and consider themselves the purest forms of beings but I feel we have a long way to go.

A very long way.

1 comment:

satish said...

I remember this scene in GOT where Brian Stark and team have traveled miles in search of the three eyed raven.

'We will never reach there.' Says one of them.

The other looks around. 'We are already there.'

Whenever, I think I've given up on India, I come across something like your post above, and I feel we have come a long way.

But then, I'm most probably wrong.