Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Things that make me smile # 1

So I am inspired by couple of website like and I kind of realised I was being way too cynical for my own good.

I have decided to make a list of things that make me smile and generally make me happy. That way, when I feel low, I can go through them and feel happy again! :) And considering my history with mood swings, I think it is an awesome idea! :D

So let us start with the first thing today.

Calvin And Hobbes.

Unfortunately, the examiners at my CA exams lack, what people calls, sense of humour, this will not really work in my favour. But if you ever had a chance to look at the question papers they set, you will realise that they have quite a sadistic sense of humour.

But, something like this might not be a bad idea when asked to interpret one of those lousy income tax laws and company laws! :D

So yes, Calvin and Hobbes make me smile every single time I read them. One of my most priced possession is the entire collection of calvin and hobbes which i got for little less than 7,000 rupees. :P My dad still doesnt get it why would anyone spend so much on comics! :)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

If you have extra, give it to me!

So everyone is talking about the billion dollar home of Mukesh Ambani - Antilia in Mumbai.

So much that it has its own wikipedia entry.

I have a few questions to ask him, though:

1. What you have constructed there is more like a Black and Scholes Mathematical Model - part ugly, part beautiful. Only in your case, this building is a little bit more on the uglier side. Who gave you the idea? Were you drunk on petroleum when you approved the design?

2. I don't want to get into the moral thingies like how many hungry the amount you spend on that would've fed, but honestly, do you think this is actually worth it? I mean, it doesn't have trees! And those indoor/hanging gardens could not be considered. The way you might've climbed trees in the ancestral village, will your grandchildren even know what a tree is? Oh, wait, will you show them on the big screen of your mini theatre. You'll still not have crazy peacocks dancing in your backyard, because you *wont* have a backyard.

3. How will you keep lizards away from your mansion? If you have a sureshot solution, please contact me on the mail address in the profile. No spam, please.

4. Your parking place has space for 160 cars. And you also have a helipad. Why did you leave your planes away? Won't they feel left out? Why didn't you build a hangar for your aircraft also? Am sure you could've easily got a few more floors for it.

5. Will you be using a Tata Nano car to move around in your house? It seems like quite a good idea to me. It will fit in your elevators, too. After all, covering the whole house on foot will be quite a task, and am sure wont be able to finish it off in one day! :p

6. How many hours in a day are you going to actually spend in your home that you spent so much on it? Or was it your ego?

7. Have you planned how will you divide your property between your kids? Once bitten, twice shy. Am sure you know how hard it can be for brothers who are at war over property - you've had first hand experience! And am also sure that your kids would be smart enough to learn from your mistakes. But on second thoughts, your this residential property will stand tall like it is for years to come - because *no one* wants to buy ugly houses.

Sigh, I could actually go on and on about whining about the ugliness of your new house, but I must stop it here, because here comes the most important question, if you have so much extra money to spend on something like that, how about giving some of it to me. Then I can go and get myself the new phone and camera I've been eyeing and also a couple of extra million rupees in my bank account wont hurt... :)

ps - I'll take care of the taxes - after all, I am the shattered accountant in the making.

*dramatic exit*

Monday, October 18, 2010

Good Vs. Evil

So the country celebrated Dushera yesterday. The victory of good over evil. Ram, the good, fought and won over Ravan. Of the many gods, Ram is one of my least favourite gods. Anyone who disrespects woman, is not my favourite, not even if it is God and even if it was all symbolic mumbo jumbo. No wonder, he had to reborn as Krishna to make good of his mistakes.

Also, like the character of Karna from Mahabharat, I am always partial towards Ravan. Of course he was a rakshas, and like many generalisations, like all gujaratis break into garbas randomly, rakshasas are always potrayed as scary men with/without horns and generally someone who could give the Great Khali a run for his money.

But I think Ravan is also one of the most misunderstood men. He was quite a scholar, and his symbolic ten heads is for his knowledge, which was in such abundance that one head wasn't enough! And since he was a part Brahmin, I think I might have some familial ties with him... maybe he was somehow related to me.. :D

And what wrong did he do anyway? Kidnap Sita? But, she was kidnapped because she had a crazy man like Ram as husband and Lakshman as brother in law, who went about chopping off noses of scary looking women like Soorpankha, in the forest.

And Sita, who was perhaps hallucinating when she saw something like a golden deer, and Ram went off to search for it, needed a shrink, more than anything. C'mon, living like that in forest could do things you couldn't even dream of. I think Ravan kind of kidnapped Sita just so she could stay around more people and that could help her recover.

But keeping all the mythology things aside, as talking about Ram and things/places associated with him is like treading on sensitive grounds, lets talk about the symbolic good and evil.

What is good and what is evil? We're all good and we're all evil. I am evil to that baby cockroach which I killed in the morning, and that lizard is an evil to me which gives me sleepless nights if it enters my bedroom. All I am saying is that good and evil is quite a subjective matter, and more often than not, all in our minds.

So yesterday when a tv news channel announced as they showed live Ravan Dahan from some maidan in Delhi, 'Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Desh ke mukhiya, ne Raavan Dahan kiya, isse hamare desh mein se jo bhi buraiya hai, uspe humein jeet mile'. Right, first off, if that were true, that news channel would've been shut instantly. So we all talk about the 'bad'ness in the society. Corruption, caste system, poverty, violence, crime against women and children, etc.

Who commits these crimes? Who infects the 'society'? People do. We choose to overlook the evil, if it does not affect us. But before we start cleansing the society at large, we first need to cleanse ourselves. Get rid of negative thoughts from your mind, and rest of the things will fall into place.

Now, though I don't quite agree with the metaphors used, one line from the Raam Leela song from Swades which is very memorable is,

"Mann se Raavan jo nikaale, Raam uske mann mein hai".

So in this festive season, cleanse your souls. Mental floss will help prevent moral decay! :)

Disclaimer : no offence meant to any religion. Please don't burn my effigies on the roads - that will create air pollution.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Cooking Lessons 1

So I decided to make Rajma for dinner tonight. You can easily find out the recipe from the internet and so I am not going to repeat it here. Also, I've altered it a bit because I forgot the sequence of ingredients to be put into the pan, but then again, since it turned out to be awesome, I concluded that I am definitely a good cook.

But as they say, everyday there is a new lesson to be learnt. I have learnt a few things today. No, none of that learnn from water how to blend into surroundings and learn from mustard seeds how to be small but powerful. No, none of this school assembly shit. What I have actually learnt are some awesomely important lessons, like :

1. It is insanely difficult to get rid of garlic smell from your fingers. Wash your hands repeatedly with dettol to get rid of the smell. Your hands will smell all hospital-y, but at least, you wont smell of garlic.

2. Crushing green chillies, garlic and ginger together is an awesome idea. But after using your hands to clear off the mixture, wash your hands thoroughly (read repeatedly with dettol) before rubbing your eyes with the same fingers. Trust me, you do not want to experience that. ow.

3. Always have your mom nearby. Only she knows where the ingredients are. So when you run out of some masala in the middle of your cooking, refill is just a yell away. Mothers are also a peculiar character. They have this feeling of ownership to the kitchen and feel threatened by your presence in the kitchen, and may try all sort of tactics to discourage you, be strong. You are up against a powerful force, but patience is all that is needed. Remember, you might be in her place someday.

Thats all in the cooking class today, more later! :D I'm going off to gobble down what I've cooked :D

Monday, October 11, 2010

Navratri Blah Blah

So the festival season is on. I am one of those loserly persons who doesn't find the festivals exciting. For me, festivals mean crazy traffic even at midnight, excessive use of loud speakers which play lame filmy songs, giant insects which appear out of nowhere to find their way right inside your clothes even before you have time to react, and basically, too much chaos.

Now a lot of people love this chaos of Navratri. Those who like all this madness wait for the whole year just so they can dance themselves silly in these 9 nights. For a lot of people they not only match steps during these nights, but also end up finding their match! When we were in school, our crazy principals used to give us lectures and Dos and Don'ts during Navratri. One of their favourite gyaanline was "Your dancing partner is not your life partner". Whenever she would utter these pearls of wisdom, the 14 year olds would giggle. Sigh.

Also, it is eve teasers haven. On seeing pretty women in backless cholis they all feel that htey have died and reached heaven. But in Amdavad, I think the eve teasers aren't bold enough to go on a groping rampage. Not taht I am complaining.

But somehow, getting dressed up is just not me. I hate to put my feet in the grass/ground because, well, they get dirty, and I don't like that feeling. I don't like the jewellery. The necklaces and all - they kind of suffocate me. So, I am the kind of person who wouuld prefer doing garba in trackpants and t-shirt, wearing sneakers (with socks).

But, having said that, I would really like to go out for a midnight drive, have a cup of chai and maska bun, or go to manekchowk in the old city and have their pav bhaji and experience teh vibrancy of the place at midnight.

So, anyone out there in Ahmedabad? :)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Open Letter to Rahul Gandhi

Dear Rahul Gandhi,

How are you? Let me first compliment you. You are one of the few good looking politicians of our country - there I feel so much better now! :D

Though its a different thing that you are a politician by default because of the surname you have, and you also chose to be with Congress. What has happened to your cousin, Varun is quite depressing because he was a silly boy. He got into wrong party at a wrong time. Because, if you look at it, you both have such big mouths that you could put both your feet into your mouth and still have enough space to accomodate this too

Anyhoo. Now, I understand that Narendra Modi isn't one of your favourite persons in the world, and trust me, the feeling must be mutual. But you have to accept that that man can beat you in debate anyday.

But next time you say something like calling Rashtriya Samajsewa Sangh, fanatic organisation like SIMI (not to be mistaken for Simi Garewal - hehe), you'd better do some research to save yourself the embarrassment. Not that I am an RSS supporter or even care two hoots about them.

All I am saying is, that if you want to be popular in Gujarat, you'll have to try new tricks. You cannot point fingers at Narendra Modi and get away with that - people here love him way too much than a lot of people who hate him. Bet half the people come to the gatherings you address only to see how you look like in person. Not necessarily because they support you. Like c'mon, even I would attend your public address only to see if you are half as good looking as you are in your photographs! :D

Because, trust me, going by the history of congress leaders in Gujarat, people would rather go for a crazy Hindu motormouth leader than people like Shankarsinh Vaghela, who was also a part of BJP once, but I aint a big fan of him.

Gujarat has not had a stable Congress CM since 95 onwards, of which 9 years Gujarat has been ruled by Narendra Modi. One of the few people to hold a stable government. So, you cannot beat his popularity. Putting him down will only be a point in his favour.

To win hearts in Gujarat, you dont need to put others down - or tell what you will do - but for a change, let people do good, and also be generally nice. Yes, I know Modi can get too much at times, and his comebacks are quite tempting, but do learn the pranayam technique of breathing - you'll feel better. :)

Oh, and next time you visit Ahmedabad, how about giving me a call? :D I can give you so much more gyaan then! :D
Till then,

Good luck,

Nirwa Mehta,

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Bigg Boss Season 4

One of the prime reasons for me to watch Bigg Boss is Salman Khan - that's because - the guy does not know the existence of the word "politically correct". Whether his scripts are scripted or not, he comes across very spontaneous and awesomely adorable.

Now, I have always maintained that the season one participants were the best - because of obvious reasons. Rakhi Sawant created a new God called Jhejhus and her super drama when some guy ground garlic in her tea mug. The way she rolled over the floor crying makes me smile whenever I am in a sad situation. :P Needless to say, I have actively followed her show - Rakhi Ka Swayamvar and I was so inpired that I thought of having my own swayamvar too - that wouldn't be such a bad idea! I mean, if douchebags like Rakhi and Rahul Mahajan can have contenders willing to marry them, I am sure I will find someone too. Now, that would be so awesome. I digress.

So coming back to Bigg Boss season four. My immediate thoughts on the show are like this:

1. I have become a fan of Seema Parihar. I mean, she is a formar daaku. How many of us have seen a daaku before? And I would be actually scared to be around her - she does look menacing. Oh, and the way her eyes looked around whever people nominated her - my god, bet even Rahul Bhatt pissed in his pants! And all those who've nominated her - they think she will not come out adn see the episodes? Dude, they are all dead now! :P

2. Ashmit Patel is here to clear his name from the MMS scandal. Yeah, right. And he says that 'woh mera pyaar thi'. Double, yeah, right. Btw, Manoj Tiwari, you fool, the woman in question was Riya Sen, aka Donald Duck of Indian Cinema. As salman rightly pointed out, he cried. The very first day, and everyone around consoled him. Retards, all of them.

3. That lawyer dude. Now, he is Kasab's lawyer and states clearly that the court had appointed him. Thinks he's the wisest of everyone present and acts like the grand daddy of them all. Next week, its his turn to go out.

4. Davinder Singh aka bunty chor - oye lucky, lucky oye! right, with all the abuses he hurled towards BB4, he is evicted. I think he was just scandalised that he would have to live with Seema Parihar and that Begam man/woman and that scared the shit out of him and chose this way to get out of the place before he goes mad.

5. Rahul Bhatt - I have saved the best for the last. Last year, my favourite contestant was Kamal R Khan, the Deshdrohi superhero. For obvious reasons - he was the only entertaining person around. And the fact that he even enacted some of his movie scenes so sincerly shows how he geniunely thinks he is awesome. Rahul Bhatt, I would say, is the muscular version of KRK. He also is the missing link between apes and humans. Those bulging muscles - ew, so so so gross! I am almost tempted to go and pierce a needle to see if he deflates! Or next year, at IPL, instead of MRF Blimp, we could float Rahul Bhatt. I can totally see that Rahul will showoff his dudeness by roaming around the house topless to show off his muscles, which he obviously thinks are sexy. *pukes*

In other news, the commonwealth games opening ceremony was awesome - much pride came when the indian contingent walked in the stadium, cheered adn clapped loudly even when i was alone! :D And kalmadi - is it just me or anyone else also think that he address delhi CM as Mr. Sheila Dixit? :P And I am not even mentioning Abdul Kalam Azad here. Oh, and the pinky pink Prince Charles and the expressionless prez and MMS.

Anyhoo - more fun to be coming over the next 3 months till BB4 is on! :) More updates, later!