Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Denial: Best Medicine

They say laughter is the best medicine.

In my case, laughter stems from denial.  I am in a perpetual state of denial, not accepting realities like I am truly lonely.

Because if I accept it, I will break. And how will I keep up this cheery look.  

Don't get me wrong.  I am usually a happy person.  I am easily amused, and a friend once told me "you are an addiction, your presence brightens up the room" and I don't know how to laugh like a lady.  I laugh madly.  And it is genuine laughter.

But that doesn't mean I cannot be truly lonely within.  It kind of sucks.

Especially because for someone like me who easily falls in love (and I call it love because of all the chemicals it releases in my brain - it's science), usually with people I barely know and I will never have the courage to walk up and say how I feel, the feelings not being reciprocated leaves a very deep empty space.

And then I wake up feeling sad and deciding I will never let myself fall in love.  Because if I do not fall in love, I will not have to go through the heartbreak of not having someone fall back in love with me.

Denial.  That love is not for me. That I will never come across someone who loves me back.  And it is good that way.

If I go about without any expectations, lesser disappointments in life.

Now that I have it out of my system, let me write a funny tweet because I am such a fun person.

Edit: Log on to reddit, and here's a thread I see. And totally shattering the bubble. It's a thread asking what are obvious signs that someone's into you.  Apparently, today I learnt no one has ever been into me. OMG. THIS IS LIKE THE SADDEST DAY EVER OR WHAT

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2ggrky/whats_an_obvious_yet_often_overlooked_sign_that/?limit=500 Here's the link for your kind perusal and get the fuck off.

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