Saturday, December 13, 2014

When the hunter becomes the hunted

Everyone knows mothers have these superpowers through which they know exactly where your pair of missing earrings are.  Or those important documents which you had kept at a safe, but easily accessible place, which you have forgotten about, are located.

Sometimes I think she hides things only so she can come at last moment to discover stuff and show how superior she is to us.

Mothers are strange that way.

Anyway, so last night, I got home and thought of catching up with my parents.  They had already gone to sleep, but I could hear the radio from their room and thought they might still be awake.  I knocked and mom was staring into her new smart phone screen and reading forwarded messages on WhatsApp.  This is the same mother who thought my computer would burst into flames if I sit in front of it for too long. (good days)

So for next 20 minutes we chat up, update each other on the day's events.. if anything interesting happened.

Just when I was about to go, dad tells me mom may not be able to sleep well tonight.  Why, I ask.

Well, dad has to take some medicines before sleeping and as mom was handing over the tablets, one of them fell down and is now missing.  The missing tablet will not let her sleep.

Knowing fully well how these things make us all anxious, he now turned off the lights and pretended to snore.

No, we need to find out the tablet or even *I* wouldn't be able to sleep.  One tiny pink coloured tablet.

So, we turn on the lights.  And mom and I lie down on the floor after giving strict instructions to dad to not step downstair and hinder our attempts to retrieve the tablet.

At this point, mom and I, both are lying flat on our tummy on the floor, trying to look around for the tablet.  Sprawled across on the floor like that, we both looked like crocodiles.  The three of us could not stop laughing.  Various attempts under various lighting conditions were carried out to find that tablet, and after 20 minutes, we gave up.

With a heavy heart we had to get up from the floor and try and sleep peacefully.

Next day, Mom tried for an hour more, with broom and all other ammunition, to find the tablet, still couldn't.

Even the maid couldn't find it.

So, right now, one tablet has gone missing in the house and I am not able to sleep with the fact that I cannot find the missing tablet.

Where could it go.

But, more than me, it is my mother who is upset.  She cannot believe *SHE* could not find it.

She is afraid she is losing her Midas touch at Lost & Found superpowers she possesses.

At least tonight, I will sleep with the consolation that शिकारी खुद यहाँ शिकार हो गया।

Also, Friday night. <3 favourite="" most="" my="" of="" p="" part="" the="" week.="">
Have a great weekend, ya'll. <3 p="">

Monday, December 8, 2014

The world doesn't need the United Nations

Technically, the UN is around to increase international cooperation and to make efforts to avoid conflicts.

Talking of conflicts, the world may or may not be on the verge of a third world war.  Almost all countries are conflicting with each other.  

These are the times I am glad my internal conflicts are not as bad as Pakistan's internal conflicts.  (there, there, Pakistan, Big brother prays for you sometimes.)

Anyway, the point is, ancient India has not only predicted the modern technologies but has also shown light on how to tackle conflicts.

I think the most potent amongst them is the "kasam".

Well, yea, so one kasam made Lord Ram go for vanvas, which led to Sita getting kidnapped by Ravan which led Ram taking on an entire country to bring back his wife (dude, how romantic is waging a war against an entire country to bring back your wife) but then, you can never underestimate the power of one kasam.

If one kasam can lead to a war, surely the same kasam can stop wars.  

Kasams have definitely stopped many a love stories from taking off. "बेटा, तुम्हे मेरी कसम. उस लड़की से बात मत करना। अगर तुमने उससे बात की तो तु मेरा मारा मूह देखेगा।" and the kasam fearing son (because being godfearing is too mainstream) will not talk to her because आई शपथ is most powerful weapon.

I say, replace the UN with an Association of Kasam Giving Mothers (AKGM for short, because all cool things need to be abbreviated) and let an Indian mother (because no one beats Indian mothers in giving kasams) be the head of the association (no, my mom is not up for the position - I am offering her precious services to the Army as a radar system to find out things long lost or something like that - or maybe lost and found department. In her case, it would be always found department.) and the world would be a peaceful place.

I am so proud of my ideas. I have no idea why I am not given a Nobel for being just awesome. Or just existing and making this world a nice place one day at a time.

On an aside, today as I was coming back from my jog/walk, a stray dog saw me and ran for his life.  It's like a reverse dog chase. After years of struggling with getting chased by stray dogs, for the first time I probably scared a dog away.  Best. Monday. Ever.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Existence in multiple dimensions

I have a theory we exist in multiple dimensions at the same time.  I also believe that Chaos Theory is actually just another way of talking about law of Karma. 

Does this mean we have absolutely no control over what is happening? Do we decide certain things because we are 'meant' to? Whatever happened to the fact that the sole reason I pursued chartered accountancy for so long was because my dad wanted me to. In hindsight, I could have decided not to pursue. I could have chosen not to study at all and flunk in all papers and could've given it up even before I started. But then I didn't. *I* didn't.

Similarly, one mundane event today could snowball into a significant event tomorrow. How do we know which event is mundane/insignificant today? And what all could it lead to? Wouldn't it be fantastic if we knew exactly what would be the outcome of that decision you took today? Is it *you* from another dimension, another time space, coming to you to nudge you to take that decision? What did you do in that dimension to reach that place, and why would you try and influence your own decisions? Aren't you yourself violating the principles of free will?

*takes break to snort caffeine*

Are dreams the communication medium for different mediums? Like that one time when I woke up after I dreamt of being involved in car crash and then having a blue-green bruise on my back where I had dreamt I had hurt myself? And then later same day on my way back from Gandhinagar when I took another turn than my usual way and the dream I had earlier in the morning flashed before my eyes with one slight realisation where the accident site would have been on my usual route back home.  Now I don't quite believe in supernaturals (but I don't watch horror movies either - why would anyone in right frame of mind want to watch something that scares you? Aren't humans scary enough that you want the supernaturals?) but was that me from another dimension telling me to not take that route?

*snorts bournvita*

Similarly people. Isn't it said you meet everyone for a reason? Who comes up with such stuff? Are you trying to tell me I have no control over the kind of people I have come across? Well, not really. I had no choice in choosing classmates - it was school and college admission process - and really classmates were terrible.  And co-workers either. So basically, I really have no choice.  

But why do we meet/talk to people we do? Why does everything need to have a stupid lesson? And those who are in our lives for very short period? Like the 2 month long endless conversations only to be abandoned abruptly? Or brief 2 liner emails once every few months even after knowing them for years? 

And those of you (other than the usual suspects who read the blog despite the randomness *insert heart* S, R, M, S, I'm talking about you - others, I don't know who you are - if you're a fan, send a mail, I'd be delighted - first name last name at gmail dot com and lord Goga will bless) who read this blog and enlighten yourselves periodically with the endless gyaan I have to give - why are you here? Why did you choose my blog to read at this very moment!

Omg. So much to discuss, so much to say, I need some sugar rush.

Anyway, I will go now.  Mostly because it is Sunday and I want to watch TV and must claim the remote before dad does.  

okbai.

Friday, November 21, 2014

My Tryst With Destiny

I had the pleasure of using an autorickshaw today.  You see, when you have a ride of your own, you kind of forget how autorickshaw don't have a seatbelt and no one sitting inside it wears a helmet.

I may have died and resurrected a few times in the span of 20 minute ride I undertook.

Hell hath no fury like an angry Amdavadi ricksha-walo.  Also, no one is in more rush than an Amdavadi rickshaw-walo.  I am almost sure we were in the air for a few seconds because of the jet speed the auto was almost flying at.  Totally naming all future autos as rickocopters.

You also do not want to come in way of a Ricky Martin who has chosen to ride on that road that moment.  If you are, you get waved at.  I noticed the kaka (as all auto drivers are fondly called, or bhai, maybe) wave randomly at people.  At first I thought he knew the pretty ladies in the cars he was waving at.  Or the weird dude in silver Honda City who waved at me.  Then I realised he was waving at them as if to say "dekh ke chalo" because autorickshaws in Ahmedabad do not have brakes.  They stop at the will of the driver, and the driver never wishes for such events.

Effects of FDI in Gujarat
No one thinks that an auto rickshaw is a technological wonder.  It works on three wheels. THREE.  How do you even balance things on uneven things like that? No one questioned the design of the three wheeled wonder? How?

Having said that, have you seen/heard this Kishore Kumar song where he is extremely excaaaaaaaite as being an Amdavadi Rickshawalo?



Asrani is Amdavadi Rickshawalo and he is showing around the city.  Interestingly, most of these iconic place are still around.  Some of these places have witnessed history being created and watching such videos make me immensely proud.

Anyway, coming back to the Amdavadi Rickshawalas, some of them might be responsible for making some of the people sitting on the fence become believers.  I almost knocked on the Pearly Gates and came back.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, thank you for lending me your eyes. (because lending ears is too mainstream, also you guys read this, didn't hear it, so.)

Aap jaa sakte hai, namaste.