Friday, November 21, 2014

My Tryst With Destiny

I had the pleasure of using an autorickshaw today.  You see, when you have a ride of your own, you kind of forget how autorickshaw don't have a seatbelt and no one sitting inside it wears a helmet.

I may have died and resurrected a few times in the span of 20 minute ride I undertook.

Hell hath no fury like an angry Amdavadi ricksha-walo.  Also, no one is in more rush than an Amdavadi rickshaw-walo.  I am almost sure we were in the air for a few seconds because of the jet speed the auto was almost flying at.  Totally naming all future autos as rickocopters.

You also do not want to come in way of a Ricky Martin who has chosen to ride on that road that moment.  If you are, you get waved at.  I noticed the kaka (as all auto drivers are fondly called, or bhai, maybe) wave randomly at people.  At first I thought he knew the pretty ladies in the cars he was waving at.  Or the weird dude in silver Honda City who waved at me.  Then I realised he was waving at them as if to say "dekh ke chalo" because autorickshaws in Ahmedabad do not have brakes.  They stop at the will of the driver, and the driver never wishes for such events.

Effects of FDI in Gujarat
No one thinks that an auto rickshaw is a technological wonder.  It works on three wheels. THREE.  How do you even balance things on uneven things like that? No one questioned the design of the three wheeled wonder? How?

Having said that, have you seen/heard this Kishore Kumar song where he is extremely excaaaaaaaite as being an Amdavadi Rickshawalo?

Asrani is Amdavadi Rickshawalo and he is showing around the city.  Interestingly, most of these iconic place are still around.  Some of these places have witnessed history being created and watching such videos make me immensely proud.

Anyway, coming back to the Amdavadi Rickshawalas, some of them might be responsible for making some of the people sitting on the fence become believers.  I almost knocked on the Pearly Gates and came back.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, thank you for lending me your eyes. (because lending ears is too mainstream, also you guys read this, didn't hear it, so.)

Aap jaa sakte hai, namaste.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Rules for pedestrians

We have driving rules.  Why not walking rules?

Just because people choose to walk does not mean they are never at fault in case of an accident.  Why should they be excused from following the rules? Are there even rules in place?

Jaywalkers.  Like really.  Pappa's rasta. No, walk towards the edge. Not in middle of the road.  Your life is *not* my responsibility.  Don't take me wrong - I am a very careful driver, but then, roads are for driving, walkways/footpaths are for walking - please respect!

Zebra crossing. It is there for a reason. Cross when pedestrian crossing light goes green, and yes, if you wait, it does go green. Stop running across the road like headless chicken.  One time I even saw a cow walk up to a crossing to cross the road. Surely you could too.

No earphones, please.  Because then you could not hear the incessant honking because you are in middle of traffic because of your music. I don't care - just listen in the comfort of your home. Not in middle of the road. Thank you very much.

Same goes with cyclists too.  Not your pappa's rasta - please respect others on the road too.

I am bored now.


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

How To: #1

How to survive attending a wedding where the only person you know there is the bride (and you are not the bride in question)

I am great with giving advice.  It's like so much gyaan, so little audience.

With the upcoming shaadi season, I am sure some of you may be invited to weddings where the only person you know there is the bride (or groom) and there is no way you could not attend it.

See, they took time out of their life, preparing for the big step in their lives, to think of you and to invite you.  So you must go there.  Be part of their important day.

But being amongst complete strangers terrifies you.  Or maybe it does not and it is just me.  But then in case it does, here's what you could do.

1.  Be on time.  You see, the late you reach, the more people will be there (because most people come late to shaadis) and lesser the people, higher the chances you may get some moments with the bride/groom.

2.  Be few minutes earlier and go meet the bride/groom before they enter the mandap.  Chances are you will end up leaving before the entire wedding ceremony is over.  So go, meet her/him, wish them personally, and if the person isn't a bridezilla/groomzilla, maybe hug them. Hugs are nice.

3.  Going to meet the bride/groom in their room also helps in other ways.  Like you may get to use the cleaner washroom.  (okay, in my defense, I drink a lot of water.)

4.  Go find the second most dressed lady.  Chances are bride's mother.  Go say hello.  Introduce yourself.  Say you got to go, she will give nice blessings like god bless you and leave.

5.  This is a good time to introspect and think about your life choices.  There you are, attending someone's wedding, wondering if the people around could be spotted from Mars because of the bling they're wearing?

6.  You may or may not come across your high school crush, who may now be married, and you try and slink away as if you never there in the first place.

Anyway, chances are you (I) will stand out in such places.  I was least dressed, wearing this new FabIndia jacket I got last week, which is apparently men's jacket (I knew it was men's jacket when I got it) and wearing plain cottons.  I am bound to stand out.  But today I chose to fight my awkwardness and be part of someone's big day.  I have realised I do not need to try to fit in.

Also, if and when I do get married, I'm getting married in my trackpants and t-shirt.

Also, if you want me to write guides on which awkward situation you want to get out of, write to me, and I will give gyaan.

I accept cash, gift and phooti kaudis as payments.


Saturday, November 15, 2014

Deconstructing Hindi Songs: Gutar Gutar

I have grown up watching terrible Hindi movies.  They are my guilty pleasure.  I know they are terrible, but there is hardly anything I could do to stop myself from watching them.

Mithun has been a variable constant in the guilty pleasure terrible movies I have enjoyed.  One such movie is called Dalaal. I will not get into the details of the movie because if you've not seen it, you're probably better off that way.

But then, the movie also gave us the brilliant song, "Gutar gutar".

It is a song about pigeon going gutar gutar because he can.

First watch this video.  Then watch the video I have posted below it.  Then again watch the song and sing yourself to sleep, while thrusting your pelvis like a maniac on sugar rush.  Seriously, whats with the steps. It's like even their abs must be having abs now.

This is the original song:

This is my blog.  Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen. Good night. *hugs*