Thursday, August 1, 2013

Why I don't relate to my school friends anymore

I've always been a loner.  Ever since I can remember.  I've always had one or two friends, and those friends would have zillions of friends, but I always had those one or two.  I think from 5th to 7th standard, I didn't even have friends.  Guess it was the awkward age when puberty hit and I got embarrassed about the physical changes happening in my body.  In fact, I even remember being ashamed of confessing that I wear a bra.  Those were pre internet days and government of India was busy worrying about constructing Ram Mandir at Ayodhya than banning certain websites with explicit sexual content. In the hindsight, both the time they were far from the issue on hand.

Anyway, most people recover from the awkward teenage phase, but I never did.  When I passed out of my school, I had two friends.  After boards, though, we hardly managed to keep in touch.  We were in different colleges, doing different courses, and honestly, I'm not proud of never managing to stay in touch.  I think we just drifted apart.  But yes, whenever we would meet, every once in a year, we would talk as if we meet everyday.  There was no awkwardness.

And rest of my classmates? Well, I would get to know their updates from this one friend who would keep in touch with them.  Their updates mostly consisted of who got married in last 6 months, and who's getting married in next 6 months.  Oh, and who's now having a baby. 

We had suddenly all grown up, and my friends also got married and one even has a baby.  Of course, I don't remember the last time I met her.  Am sure it was more than a year ago.  We don't even talk on whatsapp, or Facebook.  (I don't even log on to facebook because I am afraid I may have to talk to people I have not talked to even in school)  And surprisingly, I behave differently with different people over different communication channels.  Some people I can talk with incessantly over mails/chats/sms (In last one week, the number of SMSes I've exchanged with this friend, I don't remember the last time I so much.  I'm sure Vodafone (and probably NSA, HI OBAMA) are surprised with this sudden burst of activity over text messages (yes, in the day and age of whatsapp, jai ho Nokia N70 ki :P, yes, such people still exist who use this phone)  But at the same time, I don't go beyond hmmm and oh okay and hehehe with another friend I went to school with.  She's mighty upset with me over my lack of communication skills over messages, but I really don't know why I am wired that way.

And what about other school friends? I don't know.  I haven't talked to them in over a decade, I think and if I were to meet them, I don't know what will I say, especially because now they are married. 

While talking to a friend this evening, both of us concluded friends don't remain friends once they get married.  Somehow, their husbands/wives know all about you and its just not you anymore.  They aren't around when you want to crib about your job, or when they do have the time, the moment is gone.  Not that they're at fault.  No one is at fault.  Suddenly, time that brings two people together has made two people away from each other.

A lot of people in my friends list are on limited profile on Facebook.  Not because I don't like them (okay, I don't like some of them and I have them in the list only out of politeness - OMG I AM SO HUMBLE) but I don't relate to them anymore. I don't want to answer their awkward questions on when am I getting married, and if my parents have started looking for a suitable match for me.  They are awkward because if you were my friend, you wouldn't need to ask these questions in the first place, you would know the horror stories already. (no, to be clear, my parents have no hopes of finding a groom for me because my dad has expressed disbelief at the fact that someone may actually want to spend his life with me, and in case anyone wants to elope with me, he will even fund my elopement. As usual, I digress)

So yea, we've grown up, we've grown apart, and suddenly you are left with no friends. Single friends, at least.

Oh, and the whole thing about going out and meeting new people is just truckload of lizard poop. (have I told how i've seen a lizard actually take a dump? like, in the process of pooping? I know I've seen weird things) How do you meet new people anyway? And how does a generally social awkward being walk up to stranger and talk? Maybe I need to learn. 

I need my time.  I need to be left alone for a while, no questions asked. It's not because I'm bored of people (ok, maybe a little, but not always) but because I like being by myself for a while. And then not everyone understands this need.  They all misunderstand that part and think you don't want to talk anymore.  No, I don't want to talk anything at this time.  At times, all I need is 20 minutes of solitude. But my love for solitude has cost me friends.

Having spent over two hours talking about absolutely nothing to a friend today, I really don't know what to text.  And I'm sure similar is the situation in his case.  And I feel strangely happy about it.  I suddenly don't have to worry about explaining someone over lack of messages.  I also feel that even if we were to talk/text all night today, we could easily do that.  But we won't because we feel the need to recover. :P OMG. HAVE I FOUND MY SOULMATE!!

Ah, well, the point was how I don't relate to my friends, and I'm sure neither do my school friends, mostly because they never could relate with me even when we were in school.  And I'm sure half of them don't even remember I exist.

And on that note, I end yet another absolutely pointless blog post because the effect of caffeine is wearing off and I'm feeling sleepy.  Not really, but it would be a good idea to sleep, because it is already 11, and the bed is singing baahon mein chale aao to me.


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