When Ms Chamko fell ill and it wasn't common cold

Those who have been following me (I'm still not able to decide whether I'm a religion or a cult), would know that I have a special liking for common cold. 

Runny nose and watery eyes are not met with tender loving care at home, but by "take your meds" at home.  While I argue that there is no medicine for common cold, my dad refuses to see my logic. 

But last Saturday, I had pain in my right knee when I woke up.  Hmm. Must have hurt myself somewhere.  Because I am an honorary doctor from WebMD, I immediately sprayed some relispray and popped in an ibuprofen because hey, OTC meds are awesome that way.  "What if I have chikungunya? LOL" I joked with my mom.  Mom replied with a "chup nonsense" look on her face.

Day passed by ok, but when I got back home, the pain returned and such that I could not stand.  Now pain was on both the feet and I was feeling the chills.  I pulled a blanket over my head and lied down at 7:30 in the evening.  In the meantime, dad got home and despite my protests (no, no, I'm ok (I was not ok)) we went to see a doctor. 

One look at me and doctor says it's viral.  He probably possessed some sort of divya drashti.  He prescribed paracetamol for the pain in my body and mild fever (It was about 99 when he measured it) and said if the fever still stays the next day, to get tested for malaria and chikungunya.

Got home, took the meds, and by 10, I started sweating, like you would after taking a damned paracetamol.  I felt so relieved.  Like I could run a double marathon or something. #wheeee

But then at 4, I started shivering.  Speed of fan went from 3 to 2 and from 2 to 1 in half an hour.  Body temperature went from 98 to 99 to 100 to 101, progressing every hour.  In the meantime, the parts of my body - fingers, arms, chest, back, neck, knees, shins, ankles and foot were in tremendous pain.  It took me 15 minutes to walk down from my room.  By the time I could walk down, dad had already called for the pathology lab to come and collect blood.

And who likes getting their blood tested? I hate it. It is one of the scariest things ever. :( Why would anyone with a sane mind let anyone with a needle come near them? The fever remained steady at around 101 for a while, but once the results came in that I tested negative for chikungunya and malaria, it came down.  I spent most of my sunday sleeping.

After Sunday, fever hasn't reached 101 level, but going back to work hasn't been easy.  For my 3rd floor office, I not only take the elevator to go up, but also to come down. 

There is still some swelling on my hands and feet, but I am in a much better position than last week.  Oh, and the meds have created some sort of storm in my stomach. Will spare you the details, though.

I just want this pain to go away. I promise I'll be a good girl. and not make fun of Digvijay Singh, Rahul Gandhi and all.

Good day and kick to the virus for making my one last week miserable.

A bit on arranged marriage

Girls my age are not only married, but some also have babies and some of these babies are already going to school.

I've reached a stage where any male friend is a prospective groom and is met with 'agar ladka accha hai, toh humein koi problem nahin hai' whispers.

But I've not yet gone the arranged marriage way yet.  I've not met any guy/guy's parents to face rejection on that front yet. (I mean, getting rejected from complete strangers would be a new low for me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that)

A recent discussion with a friend who finds his daily laughs via shaadi.com profile pictures of prospective brides got me thinking about something.

I said how I dread making a shaadi.com profile, mostly because I wouldn't know what to write, and more importantly, having grown on a staple diet of romantic comedies, finding love via matrimonial site is not romantic at all.

He said, you don't find love on shaadi.com, you find life partner.

What? No.

I don't want to settle for a life partner.  I want to marry someone because I want to, because I like him, and because I want to spend the rest of my life with him.  Not because I have to.

And so should the guy.  I mean, the guy should want to spend his life with me, and only then he should marry me because while marriage to some extent would involve adjustments to a lot of things (my mother in law is not gonna mix daal-rice and khichdi the way my mom does for me) I definitely don't just want to "settle" for someone and hope the feelings would develop. Or be completely indifferent to the love part about marriage.

So yes, not gonna spend the rest of my life with a guy who got into matrimony because he found me a 'suitable' life partner and not someone he would love.

Jain Butter Chicken

So I just read this article by Zahir on Gujaratis and their food habits.  While I agree that most people here do not eat non vegetarian food, I really do not see how that is connected to the 2002 riots.

Yes, people here (including me) are vegetarian and don't eat eggs either.  While others might have religious reasons, for me (and a LOT of people I know), it is a matter of choice.  I choose not to eat meat.  My parents will not eat at a place which serves non vegetarian food.  Religious reasons and personal choice too.  Having said that, they do not look down upon people who choose to eat non vegetarian food either.

I don't see why people like my parents should be looked down upon just because they choose to lead their lives in a particular way? Oh, because you are assuming that people who leave a restaurant which serves non-veg food is because they are looking down upon your restaurant. Maybe they are leaving because they do not eat at a place which also serves non-veg - for personal or religious reasons.  If you claim that they look down upon people who eat non-veg, then aren't you being a hypocrite by looking down upon people who simply chose not to eat food at that place?

And I see how wonderfully the 2002 riots are brought in because it is Narendra Modi's fault that people here have chosen to be vegetarians since centuries.

Yes, riots were a bad period for us.  I have lived all my life in Ahmedabad and there can be no reason to justify violence of any sort.  But it would be unfair to say that only the Muslims were affected.  Hindus too were affected and so were people of other religions, beliefs and caste.  Why do all riots report specify religion, specifically Muslim? Isn't human life more important than the religion/faith he followed? 2002 were a bad period for all of us. Everyone remembers that.  No one remembers that when just a year before the riots, in 2001 when the earthquake struck Gujarat, the same people, forgot their religious differences and queued up to donate blood.  Why doesn't anyone talk about that?

And domino's, subway, pizzahut - all opening vegetarian outlets - what is wrong in it? It is their business strategy to cater to the community of people who do not eat at places that serve non vegetarian food for either personal or religious beliefs. Why politicize the issue?

And who are these people who look down? If they are strangers, their views shouldn't matter, and if they are family and friends, then dude, it's your personal matter - do not generalise the people who live here.

Oh, and about the letting out of property - it is not something that happens only in Gujarat.

People need to stop making a bigger hero, or villain out of Narendra Modi than he really is.

Gaah.  Talking about it with Zahir in person would be much more fun.  Maybe if he agrees to join me for a cup of coffee. Oh, and I wouldn't mind Sandwichworkz either.

PS: I have heard of places in Ahmedabad which serve Jain Butter Chicken - it comes without onion and garlic.

A bit about roads

Raaste mein toh hum tumhare baap lagte hai. Naam hai Ricky Martin.  I think the only being cows allow to use roads, for which we pay our taxes, are rickshaw drivers.  There is something crazy about them, as if they're perpetually high.

I mean, even if a bunch of good samaritans give way to an ambulance, all a Ricky Martin has to do is stretch out his leg to indicate he's going to take a turn and just move in. Like a boss.

And there is no more anyone can ever talk about the cows on the roads.  Yaar, why is Narendra Modi even promising a Congress-mukt Bharat.  All we need is cow-free roads in monsoon and even congress will vote for him.

But today as I was observing traffic from a bench on the road, I observed a completely marvelous phenomena.  It was women who sit sideways on two-wheelers.  Now, even my mom is one such women who sit in such a position, but I've never sat sideways myself.  Always sat with one leg going all the way across the seat.  And it has been a while since I sat that way either.  Mostly because ever since I started driving on my own, it would always be me who would take others as pillion riders.  (#ProTip: you do not want to sit as a pillion rider with my mom on her activa, no, even if she was the last person who could give you a ride.  I, on the other hand, am an amazing driver)

Anyway, so today I observed a couple of ladies, especially in saree, sitting sideways.  HOW DO THEY BALANCE? Especially on a bike?

How do they sit sideways on a moving two wheeler without losing their balance.  If I were to look at the road moving sideways, I would fall only.  All these women (and some men, like why would men sit sideways?) break science every single day and no one has thought how.

What sorcery is this? I am now looking at ways to decode this mystery and nominate Nobel for a Nirwa Prize. Or something like that.

And I realise the post has nothing to do with title. Or maybe it does. Because bikes would work on roads only no?

Solitude

I have always liked solitude.  I don't go about looking for reasons to be alone, but I wouldn't mind being on my own for long periods.

Having said that, I do like people.  Not a large group of people.  They are intimidating, but a small, close group of people.  Mostly, being out with just one more person.  It helps me give my undivided attention to that person.  Because if there are more people, I will invariably end up being more of an observer, and zone out most of the times.  Unless I am asked to be an integral part of a conversation, I will refrain from participating. 

This, of course, leads you to being more lonely (not alone). Sometimes, even when I do want to reach out to people, I will hesitate because, hmm, what if I am disturbing the person and he/she doesn't really want to meet.

And no, going out and meeting new people does not work. Dude, I don't even know how one does that.  And in that one rare instance if you do end up making new friends, they are the ones who prefer even more solitude than you do.

Today the weather was so lovely, I wanted to just sit with someone and maybe sip a cup of tea.

What did I do? Came home, saw my parents go out with their friends to watch Chennai Express (like seriously, despite zillion warnings, they choose to go watch it - well, then, they deserve it, and yes, they have much active social life than I do), had dinner by myself and now I'm writing this post. (I can still give much more details of my current state, but it will be too much information, and the lone reader who might be reading this post is not really interested in knowing that I have yet to wash my face and change into my home clothes - heh heh see what I did there?)

Anyway, the point is, I didn't reach out to anyone to meet. Even though I wanted to. Because a, I had promised I wont ask to meet. and b,  no other reason. :|

Tomorrow I might actually go sit on a roadside bench and watch the vehicles pass by to get away from solitude.

Half past midnight

It is half past midnight and I have nothing much to say.  Like every other day.

Except wonder whether it is me who is sending wrong signals to the universe or it is the universe which has a perception problem and is interpreting them incorrectly. 

Or does this whole sending out signals to the universe, positive thinking, law of attraction actually work? or it is one of those fads. 

If everything that was to happen and everyone that we happen to meet is for a reason, how long before we figure out what that reason is.  I mean, I don't really care much about knowing my purpose of life.  I know mine is to spread awesomeness around and I'm doing my job right :P but seriously, do we ever know? Or does the answer seem apparent only in the hindsight? I'm now getting tired of the word hindsight. Must look up thesaurus for alternate words.

Having known someone for almost a decade, only on the internet, but knowing the person better than their real life friends.  What is the reason behind this? I don't think we will even ever meet, and haven't talked in over two years now.  But he had heard me cry and told me to be selfish when I needed to be.  He had told me to not lose myself and my identity because people around have needed me.  Not to give myself so much that you cease to exist as an individual.  I didn't stop caring about others, but I started caring about myself more.  He perhaps doesn't know how much I needed to hear that at that time to get through some of the toughest times.  Maybe some day, if we do meet, I would want to hug him and say thank you.

So do we really come across people for a reason? If destiny tries multiple times over a number of years to get you together with someone, but you never got to know the person till now, is there something more to it? And why would destiny bring two people together only to take them away from each other, bringing pain along with itself.

Can universe come with a FAQs with it? 

More than that, can the stupid universe just stop talking in sign language and give clear instructions instead? I'm tired of your shit, seriously.

इश्वर का अन्याय

"स्वामी, सब लोगों का अगर निर्माण ईश्वर ने किया है, तो सबको सामान सुख और दुःख क्यूँ नहीं दिए?" पार्वतीजी आज उदास लग थी।
"आपको ऐसा क्यूँ लग रहा है, प्रिये?" शिवजी ने मुस्कुराते हुए पुछा।
"अब यह देखिये, ईश्वर ने इतनी सुन्दर दुनिया बनाई तो उसको देखने के लिए कुछ लोगों को आँखों की रौशनी नहीं दी।  किसीको इतना धन दिया की उनको उसकी कदर नहीं, तो किसीको दो वक़्त की रोटी भी नहीं मिलती।  इतना ही नहीं, कुछ लोग तो देख के भी दुसरो का दुःख अनदेखा कर देते है। कई लोगों के पास अधिक धन है, लेकिन वह दूसरों की मदद भी नहीं करते।  तो उनके विशेषाधिकृत होने का क्या मतलब हुआ?" लगता है माँ आज कुछ ज्यादा ही परेशान है।
"अगर ईश्वर सबको एक जैसा बनाते तो सब एक दुसरे से क्या सीखते? एक दुसरे के लिए हमदर्दी, प्यार, अपनापन कैसे आता?" भोलेनाथ ने जवाब दिया।
"अगर हमदर्दी होती तो इतने सारे लोग भूखे सोते? इतने सारे लोग आँखों की रौशनी से वंचित रहते?" पार्वतीजी और गुस्से हो गयी।
"हमदर्दी का मतलब सिर्फ दुसरो की मदद करना नहीं। सिर्फ दान करने से किसीका दिल बड़ा नहीं हो जाता।  लोग दान किये बिना भी दया भाव रख सकते है।" शिवजी ने बड़े प्यार से बोल।
"अच्छा? और किस तरह हो सकता है?" माताजी ने क्रोधित होकर पूछा।
"किसीका अच्छा करने से कई ज्यादा अच्छा किसीका बुरा नहीं करना है। अच्छाई की मौजूदगी से कई ज्यादा ज़रूरी बुराई की अनुपस्थिति है।"
"आपका नाम भूतनाथ नहीं, अदभुतनाथ होना चाहिए था।" माँ मुस्कुरायी। 

Why I don't relate to my school friends anymore

I've always been a loner.  Ever since I can remember.  I've always had one or two friends, and those friends would have zillions of friends, but I always had those one or two.  I think from 5th to 7th standard, I didn't even have friends.  Guess it was the awkward age when puberty hit and I got embarrassed about the physical changes happening in my body.  In fact, I even remember being ashamed of confessing that I wear a bra.  Those were pre internet days and government of India was busy worrying about constructing Ram Mandir at Ayodhya than banning certain websites with explicit sexual content. In the hindsight, both the time they were far from the issue on hand.

Anyway, most people recover from the awkward teenage phase, but I never did.  When I passed out of my school, I had two friends.  After boards, though, we hardly managed to keep in touch.  We were in different colleges, doing different courses, and honestly, I'm not proud of never managing to stay in touch.  I think we just drifted apart.  But yes, whenever we would meet, every once in a year, we would talk as if we meet everyday.  There was no awkwardness.

And rest of my classmates? Well, I would get to know their updates from this one friend who would keep in touch with them.  Their updates mostly consisted of who got married in last 6 months, and who's getting married in next 6 months.  Oh, and who's now having a baby. 

We had suddenly all grown up, and my friends also got married and one even has a baby.  Of course, I don't remember the last time I met her.  Am sure it was more than a year ago.  We don't even talk on whatsapp, or Facebook.  (I don't even log on to facebook because I am afraid I may have to talk to people I have not talked to even in school)  And surprisingly, I behave differently with different people over different communication channels.  Some people I can talk with incessantly over mails/chats/sms (In last one week, the number of SMSes I've exchanged with this friend, I don't remember the last time I so much.  I'm sure Vodafone (and probably NSA, HI OBAMA) are surprised with this sudden burst of activity over text messages (yes, in the day and age of whatsapp, jai ho Nokia N70 ki :P, yes, such people still exist who use this phone)  But at the same time, I don't go beyond hmmm and oh okay and hehehe with another friend I went to school with.  She's mighty upset with me over my lack of communication skills over messages, but I really don't know why I am wired that way.

And what about other school friends? I don't know.  I haven't talked to them in over a decade, I think and if I were to meet them, I don't know what will I say, especially because now they are married. 

While talking to a friend this evening, both of us concluded friends don't remain friends once they get married.  Somehow, their husbands/wives know all about you and its just not you anymore.  They aren't around when you want to crib about your job, or when they do have the time, the moment is gone.  Not that they're at fault.  No one is at fault.  Suddenly, time that brings two people together has made two people away from each other.

A lot of people in my friends list are on limited profile on Facebook.  Not because I don't like them (okay, I don't like some of them and I have them in the list only out of politeness - OMG I AM SO HUMBLE) but I don't relate to them anymore. I don't want to answer their awkward questions on when am I getting married, and if my parents have started looking for a suitable match for me.  They are awkward because if you were my friend, you wouldn't need to ask these questions in the first place, you would know the horror stories already. (no, to be clear, my parents have no hopes of finding a groom for me because my dad has expressed disbelief at the fact that someone may actually want to spend his life with me, and in case anyone wants to elope with me, he will even fund my elopement. As usual, I digress)

So yea, we've grown up, we've grown apart, and suddenly you are left with no friends. Single friends, at least.

Oh, and the whole thing about going out and meeting new people is just truckload of lizard poop. (have I told how i've seen a lizard actually take a dump? like, in the process of pooping? I know I've seen weird things) How do you meet new people anyway? And how does a generally social awkward being walk up to stranger and talk? Maybe I need to learn. 

I need my time.  I need to be left alone for a while, no questions asked. It's not because I'm bored of people (ok, maybe a little, but not always) but because I like being by myself for a while. And then not everyone understands this need.  They all misunderstand that part and think you don't want to talk anymore.  No, I don't want to talk anything at this time.  At times, all I need is 20 minutes of solitude. But my love for solitude has cost me friends.

Having spent over two hours talking about absolutely nothing to a friend today, I really don't know what to text.  And I'm sure similar is the situation in his case.  And I feel strangely happy about it.  I suddenly don't have to worry about explaining someone over lack of messages.  I also feel that even if we were to talk/text all night today, we could easily do that.  But we won't because we feel the need to recover. :P OMG. HAVE I FOUND MY SOULMATE!!

Ah, well, the point was how I don't relate to my friends, and I'm sure neither do my school friends, mostly because they never could relate with me even when we were in school.  And I'm sure half of them don't even remember I exist.

And on that note, I end yet another absolutely pointless blog post because the effect of caffeine is wearing off and I'm feeling sleepy.  Not really, but it would be a good idea to sleep, because it is already 11, and the bed is singing baahon mein chale aao to me.

okbai