So the Big O arrives in India, and the media is going berserk. I am surprised how come no one has roped in Manish Malhotra for his expert comment on Michelle Obama's outfit.
So the Awesome Reporters Inc., got together to have a question-answer-hallucination session with the Obamas. Here is an excerpt of the same.
Oh, and riding on the success wave of CWG goofups, Suresh Kalmadi was roped in to welcome Obama and Awesome Reporters.
Zuresh Kalmadi : Once upon a time, there was a man named Christopher Columbus. He set sail to discover the awesome place called India, but ended up on the other side of teh world, and called it America. After hundreds of years of that eventful day, two people (along with thousands of security guards) have managed to cross the saat samundars and reach the land called India. Finally.
Today, on the pious occasion of Diwali, let me welcome the foreign phataka (smiles suggestively at Michelle) and his husband, Frock Obama. It gives me great pleasure to welcome them to the country which has rich politicians err.. culture.
With the peaceful couple, we also have the reporters from the various news channel who are very keen on asking questions to the couple, but have been slapped with restraining orders because of their awesomeness. We have with us, Rajat Sharma, Barkha Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai and the one and only Astro Uncle.
(yells)I declare the games open.
Razat Sharma (RS) : Obamaji, aaj aap pehli baar bharatiya shauchalay mein gaye the, aap kaisa mehsus kar rahe hai?
Obama : Meh-who?
Just then, a crazy man looking like a cross between a walrus and a lizard comes running. His hair are all disheveled and one side of his glasses are broken and stuck together with a tape. He snatches the microphone from Obama and runs around the room shouting, "is mic pe sirf mera haqq hai".
Bharka Dutt (BD) : Security, please come and get Arnab, he is having one of his attacks. (to Obama) we've just checked him into the i-can't-stop-speaking rehab and he keeps running away. And you don't need to answer RS's questions - imagine, Rakhi Sawant once asked him to marry her. No one, not even himself takes him seriously. So, here I come to the question I am itching to ask you, how does your visit to India is going to affect the suicidal farmers in Vidarbha? Do you know how mumbai and delhi are cleaned up for your visit? Do you realise how the common man is deprived of his fun and frolic on Diwali because of you - it was because of YOUR visit that the fire crackers are banned - it's Diwali, the festival of light, and Mumbai is in a state of darkness only because YOU are here? Why couldn't you choose the next weekend? Or, was it because you wanted to prove a point on how powerful you are to shut down the celebrations of the most loved festival of the secular nation? Why did you not choose to come down during Christmas or Eid? Oh, adn you know, Suresh Kalmadi anagrams as Sir U Made Lakhs? *smirks*
Raj-dip Sardesai (RS2) : (to himself) sigh, why do you think I left the frigging news channel? She can drive anyone up the walls by questions that make no sense.
Obama : (looks around nervously)
Suresh Kalmadi : That's another Gold for India. I congratulate the organising committee. Next question please.
RS2 : Welcome to India, Mr. President.
Obama : (looking relieved that he finally got a chance to speak to a non-crazy person) Thank you. And Err.. Happy Diwali?
RS2 : Happy Diwali to you too. What are your views on news papers printing Mahendra Singh Dhoni and his wife splashing around in a beach? Is that invasion of privacy by media? Please watch out one hour debate on how intrusive media is. But we would like to know your views too.
BD : (to herself) why do you think we kicked him out? heh heh. That is not invasion of privacy. That is journalism. Invasion of privacy is when you ask an ex minister of state whether he has a girlfriend. (ref Shashi Tharoor)
Astro Uncle : jis waqt aapka plane land hua bharat mein, us waqt sitaron ki jo position thi, usse aapko bahaut hi labh hoga. Aapke sitare kehte hai ki aap ko yahan bahaut gyaan milne wala hai, aur yeh aapka nazaria badal dega.
Obama looks around the hall hoping against hopes for some sort of support.
Just then, a voice comes alive.
Bigg boss chahte hai ki Obama aur unki patni, is pagalkhane ka udghatan kare aur apni jaan bacha kar bhaage. Yeh bahaut hi khatarnaak log hai, aur inke saath rehna surakshit nahin.
The bewildered Obama couple run out of the place, and go back home with a different perspective about India. Astro Uncle was right.
Showing posts with label Questions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Questions. Show all posts
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
If you have extra, give it to me!
So everyone is talking about the billion dollar home of Mukesh Ambani - Antilia in Mumbai.
So much that it has its own wikipedia entry.
I have a few questions to ask him, though:
1. What you have constructed there is more like a Black and Scholes Mathematical Model - part ugly, part beautiful. Only in your case, this building is a little bit more on the uglier side. Who gave you the idea? Were you drunk on petroleum when you approved the design?
2. I don't want to get into the moral thingies like how many hungry the amount you spend on that would've fed, but honestly, do you think this is actually worth it? I mean, it doesn't have trees! And those indoor/hanging gardens could not be considered. The way you might've climbed trees in the ancestral village, will your grandchildren even know what a tree is? Oh, wait, will you show them on the big screen of your mini theatre. You'll still not have crazy peacocks dancing in your backyard, because you *wont* have a backyard.
3. How will you keep lizards away from your mansion? If you have a sureshot solution, please contact me on the mail address in the profile. No spam, please.
4. Your parking place has space for 160 cars. And you also have a helipad. Why did you leave your planes away? Won't they feel left out? Why didn't you build a hangar for your aircraft also? Am sure you could've easily got a few more floors for it.
5. Will you be using a Tata Nano car to move around in your house? It seems like quite a good idea to me. It will fit in your elevators, too. After all, covering the whole house on foot will be quite a task, and am sure wont be able to finish it off in one day! :p
6. How many hours in a day are you going to actually spend in your home that you spent so much on it? Or was it your ego?
7. Have you planned how will you divide your property between your kids? Once bitten, twice shy. Am sure you know how hard it can be for brothers who are at war over property - you've had first hand experience! And am also sure that your kids would be smart enough to learn from your mistakes. But on second thoughts, your this residential property will stand tall like it is for years to come - because *no one* wants to buy ugly houses.
Sigh, I could actually go on and on about whining about the ugliness of your new house, but I must stop it here, because here comes the most important question, if you have so much extra money to spend on something like that, how about giving some of it to me. Then I can go and get myself the new phone and camera I've been eyeing and also a couple of extra million rupees in my bank account wont hurt... :)
ps - I'll take care of the taxes - after all, I am the shattered accountant in the making.
*dramatic exit*
So much that it has its own wikipedia entry.
I have a few questions to ask him, though:
1. What you have constructed there is more like a Black and Scholes Mathematical Model - part ugly, part beautiful. Only in your case, this building is a little bit more on the uglier side. Who gave you the idea? Were you drunk on petroleum when you approved the design?
2. I don't want to get into the moral thingies like how many hungry the amount you spend on that would've fed, but honestly, do you think this is actually worth it? I mean, it doesn't have trees! And those indoor/hanging gardens could not be considered. The way you might've climbed trees in the ancestral village, will your grandchildren even know what a tree is? Oh, wait, will you show them on the big screen of your mini theatre. You'll still not have crazy peacocks dancing in your backyard, because you *wont* have a backyard.
3. How will you keep lizards away from your mansion? If you have a sureshot solution, please contact me on the mail address in the profile. No spam, please.
4. Your parking place has space for 160 cars. And you also have a helipad. Why did you leave your planes away? Won't they feel left out? Why didn't you build a hangar for your aircraft also? Am sure you could've easily got a few more floors for it.
5. Will you be using a Tata Nano car to move around in your house? It seems like quite a good idea to me. It will fit in your elevators, too. After all, covering the whole house on foot will be quite a task, and am sure wont be able to finish it off in one day! :p
6. How many hours in a day are you going to actually spend in your home that you spent so much on it? Or was it your ego?
7. Have you planned how will you divide your property between your kids? Once bitten, twice shy. Am sure you know how hard it can be for brothers who are at war over property - you've had first hand experience! And am also sure that your kids would be smart enough to learn from your mistakes. But on second thoughts, your this residential property will stand tall like it is for years to come - because *no one* wants to buy ugly houses.
Sigh, I could actually go on and on about whining about the ugliness of your new house, but I must stop it here, because here comes the most important question, if you have so much extra money to spend on something like that, how about giving some of it to me. Then I can go and get myself the new phone and camera I've been eyeing and also a couple of extra million rupees in my bank account wont hurt... :)
ps - I'll take care of the taxes - after all, I am the shattered accountant in the making.
*dramatic exit*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)