I'm writing a movie review after a long time. But it has been a long time since I saw a movie where i left the theatre saying, 'what the fuck was that?'. And not in a good way.
So I am a Salman Khan fangirl, and let me say it upfront that dude, the only thing good about the movie body guard was Salman Khan. But seriously, what was the whole purpose of making this movie?
I'll leave the technicalities of the movie aside.. i have no clue on how i can judge the cinematography or whatever shit. But i'll tell you, the movie had NO story, which would have been okay, if it was a no story well told. Know what I mean?
Also, a spoiler alert, if you're planning to watch this film, you may want to read this after watching, so that your movie watching experience does not get clouded by my pointed questions.
1. Who the hell was that other girl? Was she kareena's friend? if yes, why was she staying with kareena, sleeping in her bed, using the same loo, even if the house is a hugeass house? why not another room? Till the end of the movie, i thought her sole purpose was to get killed by mistake by the goons (one of whom was aditya pancholi. yes, he had kajal in his eyes). but no, she brought in the twist in last 15 minutes making everyone go, 'what the fuck?'.
2. Aditya Pancholi reminds me. So in this sequence, he plans to kill kareena with the help of a toy helicopter. He was remotely handling the toy, with the hopes that the fan will kill kareena, but of course, man is faster than machine, and kareena runs away from a flying toy helicopter. Wouldn't it have been easier to have planted a bomb in the toy helicopter and flown it next to kareena and blow her off? Of course, they should've done that in the first 5 minutes of the movie. (ps, but then, after killing her, please give me all her kurtis, ok?)
3. Raj Babbar playing The Godfather. I rest my case.
4. Asrani. Asrani is at his creepmax best in last 15 minutes. Please watch the movie, and keep this point in mind, when he asks that kid, 'divya aunty (kareena) ko pehchana?' fucker, the kid has met divya aunty for the first time, how will he know? sapne aate hai? And even in the end, 'beta, divya aunty ko bye bola?' mind your own business, dude, why are you so obsessed with the kid saying things to divya aunty? huh? HUH?
5. Salman Khan <3 <3 <3 He's the best thing about the movie. But yaar, why did you have to run in that song? Priyatame, only Hrithik Roshan looks hot while running. You, on the other hand, look like you're jumping on a trampoline. Also, you are adorable, i loved the way you said "hello" while picking up the phone. At times, when i want to bug my sis, i also answer phone like that and keep saying hello in different ways. you reminded me of myself, and i wanted to pull my own cheeks then. yes, his point is completely random.
6. Lekin yaar, whatever you say, salman is a sweetheart. I dont remember any other actor commanding whistles in the theatre the way salman does. Audience in the theatre went crazy everytime he did/said something. That's the thing about a super star. I clapped a few times too. I didn't whistle, because i can only whistle the tapori whistle. This putting finger in mouth and whistling i need to learn.
In the meantime, please, if you're making any such mindless movies, at least have some stories or let them be well written.
But then, Atul Agnihotri has come a long way from his "Hello" days.
A must watch for Salman fans, you wont be disappointed, till last 15 minutes.