Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Be safe

Disclaimer: sexually explicit content.

Ever since my schooltime friend came out, I have been trying to be as supportive as I could.  In fact, I get very defensive if any derogatory jokes are cracked on homosexuals. Who are we to judge?

In fact, I have started judging people who are in denial about homosexuality.  I feel that as someone entrusted with his biggest truth in life, it is also partly my fight to get people to sensitise about it.  I am not even talking about the legal aspect. I am only talking about the human aspect.

His usual fear is of acceptance.  Especially if I am introducing him to other friends of mine. Straight men.  His first concern is not to make me feel awkward about it. "Will your friend be okay about me?" He has asked many a times.

I had to tell him explicitly the other day that I am not embarrassed of him.  That his sexual orientation does not change anything.  That if his orientation bothers my other male or female friends, then I'd have to choose between them and I would choose him.  My conscience does not allow me to be friends with someone who is an insensitive judgemental prick. 

You do not have to understand homosexuality.  I'm okay with that, just don't tell me that "what if he hits on me". Bitch please, do not hold yourself on such a high pedestal. He has better choice.  Especially in men.  Trust me, he's gay.

Anyway, that's not the point I am trying to make.  The point I am trying to make is on the strange perversion in the society.  It is one thing being gay and married to a woman and having children out of pure societal pressure.  I'm sure it is hard for them.  And I won't judge you, because not everyone has the courage.

But then, what my friend told me today has made me feel kind of sad.

"You know, the top and the bottom? Top is the one who penetrates.  There are lot of men who like to be on top. They even want it sucked.  But, there is no foreplay.  They find it weird to kiss a guy and will never kiss.  It is always about them.  The ones who are married and have a kid or two like to be on top and will never kiss.  I feel so used."

Everyone deserves love, no?  No one should feel "used" after a sexual encounter. Even if it is a one-night stand with a complete stranger.

I don't know what else to say, except that I feel sad for him, for anyone else who is in a loveless relationship with a selfish partner.

Which is not surprising because in India, pre-marital consensual sex between two consenting adults is looked down upon while marital rape is not even acknowledged.

Someday, I would like to wake up to India where discussion on sex is a casual topic and not followed by nudge-nudge-wink-wink.

All I can tell him and everyone else is, well, take precaution.

Be safe.


fake_engineer said...

it is difficult what you want India to be. Utopian basically where people talk about sex as commonly about weather. conservatism has hurt India more than anything. sex is common in colleges and yet are afraid to talk about it. India is standing on a time bomb

Vatsalya said...

Very well written. of course, what goes without saying in any sexual encounters is "safety" and primarily concern for any individual, especially with gay.

I also wish you good luck to make Indians aware about "sex" while writing it. Tragedy is, the person writing for it is also looked down upon. Can't imagine, it's the same country which came out with "Kamasutra" years ago.

Good luck with your writing. :)

Vatsalya said...

What i forgot was the aspect of acknowledging "marital rape" which you rightly pointed out.

Leave aside stats but we all know it does exist. "Sex" and "marriage" need not go together and that's were crux of understanding of "marriage" lies. Of course, marriage does leave enough room to evolve a person in "sex" but that needs to be understood.