Monday, December 20, 2010

Year End Balance Sheet

So the year 2010 is coming to an end. Why? WHY is it getting over so early? It just started like little over 11 months ago! This is unfair! And it's so weird that I don't even remember how the year just flew by! I mean, other than writing a zillion exams, I hardly did anything significant this year!

Well, actually, i did! I did the awesome trip to Phuket and Bali with family which was like so awesome because it was first family trip in god-knows-how-many-years! And then, my association with Deloitte also came to an end.. after three painfully long years. I had these mixed feelings when I left because I was suddenly jobless with a depleting bank balance and nothing much to do. But i chose to use the time wisely by watching all episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Criminal Minds and so many romantic comedy movies. Oh and of course, repeats of Pride and Prejudice. I am so obsessed with Darcy that I try to find Darcy in every guy i meet, but most of them turn out to be jerks. Ah, well, but that's a different story.

In less than 2 months, I will complete 25 years of my existence and I am suddenly having my quarter life crisis where I dont see my career going anywhere and I feel tied down by so many things around and how i wish i could get a lottery for a zillion dollars and i can travel all around the world.. go to italy or spain.. or meet salman khan and express my undying love for him.. or go on a cross country road trip, all alone, driving all by myself and taking stops whenever i like and meeting interesting people, and then maybe write a book on my experiences.

somehow this has been a rather depressing year.. a year of heartbreaks and sad life that you get to know of your close friends' life through facebook status updates when the friend changes relationship status to "engaged" and to "married" and they dont even bother to tell you! Ah, well, those friends are then removed from the friends' list and phone numbers deleted from phonebook.

and then there were times when all i wanted to do was go to my favourite barista outlet and sit there for hours reading book and sipping coffee and observing people around and guessing whether they are friends or online-friend-meeting-for-first-time or a matrimonial set up (yea, that happens in barista here, i've seen it :D)

there are times when i feel that i am putting up an act of how happy things are.. but then, so are most people.. we rarely let our emotions known.. i think the more the person knows about me the more vulnerable i will be.. and the more he gets into my personal space, the more reasons he'll have to hurt me. at times, for the fear of being hurt, i don't let someone come very close to me.. but then, so are a lot of other people.. but at times, the way in which i hide emotions kind of scares me.. it makes me feel that i am not even true to myself.. maybe i am playing this dual role where i am in denial of a lot of things.. or like if i don't think about certain issues, they will just go away on their own, but now, i don't even know if they have gone away, because i have stopped addressing them, and i am too scared to address them now, i mean, what if they are still around? am i making sense?

so lets have an attendance call here, how many are still reading this incoherent monologue?

so as the year comes to an end, i want to just let go of a lot of things and start afresh.

gosh, this sounds all so cliched! argh!

no, i think i want to bring in the new year by doing something really awesome.. like doing something i've NEVER done before! :D let 2011 be a fun year! anyone has any ideas?

1 comment:

Reshma said...

Wish you a fun-filled new year 2011.

And yes, do most of things that you've never done them. Just do them! Forget about 2nd thoughts. It's always a satisfying feeling to follow your heart, and do something that you deeply wished.

Love you Nirwa, for being a wonderful human that you are. Wish you lot of fun and joy in the year ahead :-)