When I told myself to let go, I knew it would not be easy. I know I am holding on to the ghosts. If I were you, I'd call myself delusional and get myself to take some therapy.
And I have always taken pride in the fact that I have managed to detach myself from things, places, people very quickly. I block them out of my thoughts till they stop coming to my thoughts, and now when I think about them, I feel nothing.
Then why is it so difficult this time? Why am I clinging on to it? You, as a reader of the blog, also know only what I've told you. Except you, the one I'm talking about. I'm too afraid to talk about it, because I don't want people to judge me. I probably will never tell the whole thing either, unless I am confident I won't be judged or told to let go and move on. I bloody know it, dammit.
Every few days I get into the mood where I just want to cry. I'm afraid to be alone. I don't want to be alone. It's like some kind of withdrawal symptom.
It's been more than a month since I last talked. I need more strength.
I want to read this blog, a few months down the line and laugh at how silly I was. The way I've read my old blogs and cringed. I don't want to cry.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Let go
I read it somewhere, in 9 out of 10 times, happiness is synonymous to "letting go". It's time to be happier.
Perhaps it is the valentine day after effect, of seeing too much of reds and pinks. Or just that I'm having the withdrawal symptoms of not having talked to you for over 15 days. Not that we talked everyday, but I knew you were always around. A text, call, ping or DM away. Now, you are not.
You have always known I've loved you. And despite the fact that you never shared similar feelings, you even lead me on. I knew this would leave me heartbroken, but you were the best friend I've ever had. I wanted to cling on to you, because it just felt if you're around, everything will be all right.
But now, after so many years of knowing you, for the first time, I have decided to let go. I revoke the power I had granted you to control my happiness. I know it is going to be tough for me, and that it does not matter to you, but, I'm sure I'm giving myself more chances to be happy.
I will stop looking for you in every person I meet.
But I still love you, will always do.
Perhaps it is the valentine day after effect, of seeing too much of reds and pinks. Or just that I'm having the withdrawal symptoms of not having talked to you for over 15 days. Not that we talked everyday, but I knew you were always around. A text, call, ping or DM away. Now, you are not.
You have always known I've loved you. And despite the fact that you never shared similar feelings, you even lead me on. I knew this would leave me heartbroken, but you were the best friend I've ever had. I wanted to cling on to you, because it just felt if you're around, everything will be all right.
But now, after so many years of knowing you, for the first time, I have decided to let go. I revoke the power I had granted you to control my happiness. I know it is going to be tough for me, and that it does not matter to you, but, I'm sure I'm giving myself more chances to be happy.
I will stop looking for you in every person I meet.
But I still love you, will always do.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Yaksha Prashna
Disclaimer: No offence meant, yo!
@Baba4U
stick missing, urgently need to find it, pls RT.
@YoYudi
a big shoutout to @B4Bheem, @Arjun, @Sahdevrocks and @Lukan #comeoffraa, lets go find @Baba4U's stick.
@Sahdevrocks has checked into random lake in the jungle @4sq.com/paani with the bros.
@Sahdevrocks
Dude, a talking crane! FTW! says water poisonous, can't drink if i don't answer questions. #OK
@kkraainn
in reply to @Sahdevrocks dude, i'm the talking crane, i'll crapblck you. Answer now or die.
@Lukan
So @Sahdevrocks can predict future, but can't find water. I'll have to fetch water and bro, both.
<@kkraainn favourited it>
@Arjun
Looks like those twins have disappeared into thin air, every time I end up working for them. pffft.
@B4Bheem
+1 RT @Arjun: Looks like those twins have disappeared into thin air, everytime I end up working for them. pffft.
@kkraainn
*rubs hands gleefully* oh wait, i'm a bird.
@YoYudi
@B4Bheem @Arjun @Sahdevrocks @Lukan wtf, bros, where are you? what's taking you so long to bring water?
@YoYudi checks in to random lake in jungle @4sq/water
@kkraainn
Welcome my dear @YoYudi, answer questions i post on @IAmYaksha and first prize, you can get any *one* of your 4 crapblcked brothers unblocked.
@YoYudi
Dafaq! What sorcery is this! I know *everything* ask.
@IAmYaksha
How does a man become secure?
@YoYudi
Use https.
@IAmYaksha
Aapne pehla padaav paar kar liya hai. Aage badhte hai, How does man become wise?
@YoYudi
Get him married to a woman named Varsha. He will become Vice Versa. #Lulz
@IAmYaksha
ROFL. Okay, moving on, What is the best for farmers?
@YoYudi
No income tax on agricultural income. \m/
@IAmYaksha
What is the world made up of?
@YoYudi
Soul. #Profound
@IAmYaksha
What is righteousness?
@YoYudi
Righteousness or Riotousness #YouPrefer cc @narendramodi
@IAmYaksha
What does one who has many friends get?
@YoYudi
He ain't #foreveralone
@IAmYaksha
LOL! Dude, you're awesome. Which one of your brothers should I unblock?
@YoYudi
Y U NO UNBLOCK @Lukan?
@IAmYaksha
why him? he's kinda useless, no? @Arjun is so hot. #Gay4Arjun
@YoYudi
Dude, so @ArjunsMamma (yeah, he is her favourite too) has me alive, but @Mmmadri's both sons are blocked. So.
@IAmYaksha
#AapBholeHai Ok, fiiine, cos you gave awesome answers to my questions, I'm gonna unblock all of them.
-The End-
(idea came out of conversation with @mishrashiv one fine evening. .. the Yaksha Prashna details were obtained from here. )
@Baba4U
stick missing, urgently need to find it, pls RT.
@YoYudi
a big shoutout to @B4Bheem, @Arjun, @Sahdevrocks and @Lukan #comeoffraa, lets go find @Baba4U's stick.
@Sahdevrocks has checked into random lake in the jungle @4sq.com/paani with the bros.
@Sahdevrocks
Dude, a talking crane! FTW! says water poisonous, can't drink if i don't answer questions. #OK
in reply to @Sahdevrocks dude, i'm the talking crane, i'll crapblck you. Answer now or die.
So @Sahdevrocks can predict future, but can't find water. I'll have to fetch water and bro, both.
<@kkraainn favourited it>
@Arjun
Looks like those twins have disappeared into thin air, every time I end up working for them. pffft.
@B4Bheem
+1 RT @Arjun: Looks like those twins have disappeared into thin air, everytime I end up working for them. pffft.
@kkraainn
*rubs hands gleefully* oh wait, i'm a bird.
@YoYudi
@B4Bheem @Arjun @Sahdevrocks @Lukan wtf, bros, where are you? what's taking you so long to bring water?
@YoYudi checks in to random lake in jungle @4sq/water
@kkraainn
Welcome my dear @YoYudi, answer questions i post on @IAmYaksha and first prize, you can get any *one* of your 4 crapblcked brothers unblocked.
@YoYudi
Dafaq! What sorcery is this! I know *everything* ask.
@IAmYaksha
How does a man become secure?
@YoYudi
Use https.
@IAmYaksha
Aapne pehla padaav paar kar liya hai. Aage badhte hai, How does man become wise?
@YoYudi
Get him married to a woman named Varsha. He will become Vice Versa. #Lulz
@IAmYaksha
ROFL. Okay, moving on, What is the best for farmers?
@YoYudi
No income tax on agricultural income. \m/
@IAmYaksha
What is the world made up of?
@YoYudi
Soul. #Profound
@IAmYaksha
What is righteousness?
@YoYudi
Righteousness or Riotousness #YouPrefer cc @narendramodi
@IAmYaksha
What does one who has many friends get?
@YoYudi
He ain't #foreveralone
@IAmYaksha
LOL! Dude, you're awesome. Which one of your brothers should I unblock?
@YoYudi
Y U NO UNBLOCK @Lukan?
@IAmYaksha
why him? he's kinda useless, no? @Arjun is so hot. #Gay4Arjun
@YoYudi
Dude, so @ArjunsMamma (yeah, he is her favourite too) has me alive, but @Mmmadri's both sons are blocked. So.
@IAmYaksha
#AapBholeHai Ok, fiiine, cos you gave awesome answers to my questions, I'm gonna unblock all of them.
(idea came out of conversation with @mishrashiv one fine evening. .. the Yaksha Prashna details were obtained from here. )
Sunday, January 29, 2012
My Tryst With Google Maps
I have a phenomenal sense of direction. Sometimes I tell people I love to explore new routes, the reality is that I sometimes, very confidently, take wrong turns.
Look, it is not my fault the blue house suddenly has blinding yellow walls.
So while an outing to this resort some 90 kms from Ahmedabad was planned, I was quite confident that I'll be able to manage without any assistance. I also looked up Google maps the night before, just to see how to exit the city.
Hmm. All set, so we exit from this industrial area, touch the national highway from there and hop on to the expressway and in less than an hour, we'll be there. Of course, that is how I had imagined it to be.
Our departure was delayed by some unplanned visits to some relatives place and so instead of the intended 11:30, we ended up leaving an hour late. Hmm. So, what happens is, I take a turn before the intended one so that we could, well, avoid the busy crossroads traffic. That led us to the wonderful view of a huge mount of garbage collected from Ahmedabad over the years. Yeah. Fascinating place. The fine texture of plastic sticking out from blackish brown unidentifiable substance. Aah, and the wonderful, wonderful smell. We were caught in a catch 22 situation - whether to roll down the window and let the fresh air come in or keep the ac on and die of carbon monoxide poisoning while driving. (ah, maybe I'm having this headache/feverish feel right now because of that!!)
Anyway, the 1 km stretch got over soon and we reached the roundabout which said, go straight for Delhi/Jaipur and left for Ahmedabad - Vadodara Expressway. Aah, the wonders. Followed the directions to the T. But, ended up reaching the National Highway instead of the Expressway. I kept waiting for the expressway to turn up till I saw the board, "welcome to Kheda". (our route was - Ahmedabad - Kheda - Nadiad - Anand). Okay, then. We had missed the Expressway.
On reaching Nadiad, we were left clueless. We entered the city, for god knows what reason (well, technically, there was no other road, we *had* to enter the city) but there was no damned direction on which way to Anand. Immediately, 3 people furiously turned on Google maps. Sister thought it would be a good idea to ask the locals. Of course, the locals appeared drunk in the morning because they kept showing us way back to Ahmedabad instead of Anand. Okay, then. We decided Google maps are more reliable. Google Maps showed us the way, and the landmark given was "Paras Cinema". (please Google map Paras Cinema, NH 8) Since it kept showing over and over in the directions, bro in law exclaimed, this Paras Cinema must be some bigass, hard to miss landmark. Of course, when we did reach it, we realised we crossed it when the blue dot on route showed us going past it. We missed the landmark, because in place of the landmark was an old abandoned building where an older uncle was sitting on a rickety chair. I had even joked, 'this must be Paras cinema' - wish i'd asked for something else. Sigh.
Anyway, coming back, we reached Anand, and kept going in circles. I was on the right road, in opposite direction. So, well, I bloody could not find it. Ah, well, 2 hours of trouble later, we finally did reach the resort and had some good food, and since we were expecting guests, we had to rush home quickly.
On our way back, I was determined to go on the National Expressway. All Google mapped - i announced, there are three roads, which go parallel, first exit is state highway, second is national highway and third is expressway. don't ask me to take any other exits, i said. All confident.
We crossed state highway and then something which i thought was national highway, and to my horror, we were on a bloody flyover which went above the national expressway. what the fuck. how are we supposed to get on the expressway? jump off the bridge?? GOOGLE MAP? Y U NO SHOW ITS A BLOODY FLYOVER? AND NOT AN ENTRYPOINT?
And then, last week, I was in Bangalore, visiting the sister. Sister's sense of direction in bangalore is phenomenal. I think she follows the North Star or something to navigate her way, because, dude, she can go lost even on a straight line. (heh, I hope she doesn't read this). Anyway, so I had one day to myself, and sis told me she'll take the bus to the work and handed over the car keys to me. I was going to lalbaug (for the flower show, dude, I *LOVE* flowers) and meeting a few friends later. So instead of haggling with ricky martins of bangalore, taking the car was better.
Now, here I have clear directions to lalbaug, but after that, i'm on my own. Once it was over, I looked up directions from lalbaug to MG Road. Very clear directions. Except. Wait, let me put up a screenshot.
Click on the image to see it clearly. The purple route is the route I was suggested by Google Maps, Green is the one I took and red is the one I should've taken. Dude, I went around the friggin garden more than 4 times that day.
Google Maps should totally change its name to Troll Maps.
Look, it is not my fault the blue house suddenly has blinding yellow walls.
So while an outing to this resort some 90 kms from Ahmedabad was planned, I was quite confident that I'll be able to manage without any assistance. I also looked up Google maps the night before, just to see how to exit the city.
Hmm. All set, so we exit from this industrial area, touch the national highway from there and hop on to the expressway and in less than an hour, we'll be there. Of course, that is how I had imagined it to be.
Our departure was delayed by some unplanned visits to some relatives place and so instead of the intended 11:30, we ended up leaving an hour late. Hmm. So, what happens is, I take a turn before the intended one so that we could, well, avoid the busy crossroads traffic. That led us to the wonderful view of a huge mount of garbage collected from Ahmedabad over the years. Yeah. Fascinating place. The fine texture of plastic sticking out from blackish brown unidentifiable substance. Aah, and the wonderful, wonderful smell. We were caught in a catch 22 situation - whether to roll down the window and let the fresh air come in or keep the ac on and die of carbon monoxide poisoning while driving. (ah, maybe I'm having this headache/feverish feel right now because of that!!)
Anyway, the 1 km stretch got over soon and we reached the roundabout which said, go straight for Delhi/Jaipur and left for Ahmedabad - Vadodara Expressway. Aah, the wonders. Followed the directions to the T. But, ended up reaching the National Highway instead of the Expressway. I kept waiting for the expressway to turn up till I saw the board, "welcome to Kheda". (our route was - Ahmedabad - Kheda - Nadiad - Anand). Okay, then. We had missed the Expressway.
On reaching Nadiad, we were left clueless. We entered the city, for god knows what reason (well, technically, there was no other road, we *had* to enter the city) but there was no damned direction on which way to Anand. Immediately, 3 people furiously turned on Google maps. Sister thought it would be a good idea to ask the locals. Of course, the locals appeared drunk in the morning because they kept showing us way back to Ahmedabad instead of Anand. Okay, then. We decided Google maps are more reliable. Google Maps showed us the way, and the landmark given was "Paras Cinema". (please Google map Paras Cinema, NH 8) Since it kept showing over and over in the directions, bro in law exclaimed, this Paras Cinema must be some bigass, hard to miss landmark. Of course, when we did reach it, we realised we crossed it when the blue dot on route showed us going past it. We missed the landmark, because in place of the landmark was an old abandoned building where an older uncle was sitting on a rickety chair. I had even joked, 'this must be Paras cinema' - wish i'd asked for something else. Sigh.
Anyway, coming back, we reached Anand, and kept going in circles. I was on the right road, in opposite direction. So, well, I bloody could not find it. Ah, well, 2 hours of trouble later, we finally did reach the resort and had some good food, and since we were expecting guests, we had to rush home quickly.
On our way back, I was determined to go on the National Expressway. All Google mapped - i announced, there are three roads, which go parallel, first exit is state highway, second is national highway and third is expressway. don't ask me to take any other exits, i said. All confident.
We crossed state highway and then something which i thought was national highway, and to my horror, we were on a bloody flyover which went above the national expressway. what the fuck. how are we supposed to get on the expressway? jump off the bridge?? GOOGLE MAP? Y U NO SHOW ITS A BLOODY FLYOVER? AND NOT AN ENTRYPOINT?
And then, last week, I was in Bangalore, visiting the sister. Sister's sense of direction in bangalore is phenomenal. I think she follows the North Star or something to navigate her way, because, dude, she can go lost even on a straight line. (heh, I hope she doesn't read this). Anyway, so I had one day to myself, and sis told me she'll take the bus to the work and handed over the car keys to me. I was going to lalbaug (for the flower show, dude, I *LOVE* flowers) and meeting a few friends later. So instead of haggling with ricky martins of bangalore, taking the car was better.
Now, here I have clear directions to lalbaug, but after that, i'm on my own. Once it was over, I looked up directions from lalbaug to MG Road. Very clear directions. Except. Wait, let me put up a screenshot.
Click on the image to see it clearly. The purple route is the route I was suggested by Google Maps, Green is the one I took and red is the one I should've taken. Dude, I went around the friggin garden more than 4 times that day.
Google Maps should totally change its name to Troll Maps.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)