Thursday, March 8, 2012

Easier said than done

When I told myself to let go, I knew it would not be easy. I know I am holding on to the ghosts. If I were you, I'd call myself delusional and get myself to take some therapy.

And I have always taken pride in the fact that I have managed to detach myself from things, places, people very quickly. I block them out of my thoughts till they stop coming to my thoughts, and now when I think about them, I feel nothing.

Then why is it so difficult this time? Why am I clinging on to it? You, as a reader of the blog, also know only what I've told you. Except you, the one I'm talking about. I'm too afraid to talk about it, because I don't want people to judge me. I probably will never tell the whole thing either, unless I am confident I won't be judged or told to let go and move on. I bloody know it, dammit.

Every few days I get into the mood where I just want to cry. I'm afraid to be alone. I don't want to be alone. It's like some kind of withdrawal symptom.

It's been more than a month since I last talked. I need more strength.

I want to read this blog, a few months down the line and laugh at how silly I was. The way I've read my old blogs and cringed. I don't want to cry.

1 comment:

Bubblegum.... said...

Be brave.You are doing well. Keep it up. Some more time and you will laugh on this! Trust me. Hug :)