ZOMG! I AM GOD!

Now, till I declare myself as God (shh, there is still time for that), for all practical purposes, I am a human being.  And as a human being, my body is bound to have minor ailments.

One of the most common ailments is headache.  Now, the medical expert in me (lulz) tells me that it is because of cold (yea, have this cold thing since childhood) but despite that I like to Google symptoms, since I don't visit the family doctor, mostly because he doesn't think I'm ill. :(

Now, few years back, I discovered the scariest place on the internet.  WebMD.  At first I was amused and fascinated on how many ailments exist in the world and said a little prayer that I don't suffer from them.  But then, I discovered the Symptom Checker.

Every time I get headache, it is usually accompanied with pain in the neck, or back or sometimes pain in the right profile of my face.  Pop in one combiflam and I'm as good as new.  But then, the first time I entered the symptoms, one of the diagnosis that came up was. Paralysis stroke. :|

Enough to scare me at 3 am and leading me to a sleepless night. Or nights.

But then, it kind of became an addiction of sorts.  Just knowing the worst possible scenario and how that I'm not dying immediately gave me a thrill in a way. (shhh, I don't need to see a shrink, not yet)

And then, since past few days, I was having a pain in the right side on the ribs (i think - i am not that great a medical expert, ok?)  It would pain a little every time I'd yawn or take a deep breath.  According to WebMD, I may have fractured a rib, and might be bleeding internally.  In fact, I think (I'm very intuitive that way) I have pulled a muscle while stretching myself, and I think I'm just gonna spray some relispray and sleep well and wake up feeling as good as new. (yeah, my favourite phrase these days is as good as new. ok, not these days, just for this post)

In the mean time, I insist WebMD comes with a warning of sorts, that the diagnosis is not for the faint hearted, because if they are to be believed, I have already died. Twice.

PS: ZOMG. Just realised this is my 100th post! ZOMG. HUGS TO ALL!

Where top secret meetings are held

How To Pee

It is an unwritten rule, that whenever we girls are out in group, we never go to the loo alone.  Just like men bond at bars, we bond in "washrooms" (because toilet is too dirty sounding word).  In fact, sometimes, even if we don't want to pee, we just go to the loos, because, we just want to chill. 

Some girls discuss how one girl (who is obviously left out from the washroom group) was a bitch, and was wearing wrong kind of footwear, and loud make up.  I once encountered this one girl, who said one girl looking like Rakhi Sawant.  Turns out the girl who got called Rakhi Sawant was the girl her ex was currently dating.  And no, no, I do not eavesdrop loo conversations.  These are just snippets you hear if you keep your ears open.

And how can you forget photographs? According to this made up statistic, 98% of all pictures taken in loo, are taken in public loos.  Because the mirrors are bigger, lights are brighter and some loos in fancy restaurants/hotels are too awesome to not take pictures in.  I wonder how long before people start creating Facebook fanpage of their own "Loo Photography".

Then there are the employees.  Like of the mall.  They are there for their hourly break, because, they can.  Recently, I overheard a conversation which left me little worried.

Lady 1: Tum sab kutti ho.
Lady 2: Hum kutti to tu kutti ki maa.
Lady 1: Main roz idhar kapde badalti hoon.
Lady 3: Tu phir bhi kutti.

They turned to look at me, as I froze in anticipation of a girl fight breaking out, and laughed.

Lady 2 (to Lady 1): Jaa kutti. Madam ko jaane de.

As I turned to leave, Lady 1 said, "byeeeeee" as if she was my long lost friend. :|

But then, there are girls who go to the loo all by themselves.  Like the girl who is out on a date. She'll go in to do some last minute make up patch up, and ensure her hair are well behaved.  And how she looks when she smiles in a certain way.  Mirrors in "washrooms" are magical that way. But this activity is no fun, because you can't spend 10 minutes in the washroom and not get the date suspicious of you taking a dump in a public loo.  Scary shit, literally. HAHAHHAHA.

But most of all, women go to the loo in group because it's just too boring to go to the loo all by yourself.

PS: The above picture was clicked by a friend in a loo in Bangalore. 

Whats in a name?

Well, that depends on your name.

If your parents have named you Nirwa, then a lot.

So a lot of "new parents" are in search for a unique name for their precious child. Especially when you put up pictures of your "Prince" and "Princess" on Facebook, you must ensure that the name of your child is such that it garners comments like, "nice name!" from people you never wish you'd known.

I digress.

But not so long ago, when a little girl was born in a shady little dingy hospital in the lane of Ahmedabad, the overly joyous parents thought, let's give her a name which just rhymes with her sister's name. It doesn't really have to mean anything, but we'll indulge her by telling her that it is derived from some Sanskrit word. Of course, they said it with such conviction and confidence that the little girl believed them. In fact, she still believes them, and uses similar conviction and confidence to answer awkward questions by strangers, like, 'nice name, what does it mean?'.

But as they say, only those who've experienced it feel the pain.

Well, only when you are named Nirwa, do you understand the feeling when you get addressed as Mr. in all the mails. Its worse because your name is not even a unisex name, where you could give the benefit of doubt if the person has never heard your voice. (again, there are some girls who have manly voice and vice versa, so it'd be a lost case then.. ) So yes, I do get addressed as Mr. in a lot of mails.

And not just Mr. Nirav Mehta, but as Mr. NIRWA Mehta. I mean, really.

And then, there is the spelling. So, even when you read my name as Nirwa, see it in mail, or if you are writing it down, I spell it out for you.. so, despite all these efforts on my part, how hard is it for you to take down my correct spelling? It is NirWa and not NirVa. Ok?

I'd like to, however, mention that people are quite creative. Among other names that I've been given, some of them are..

NirMa (yea, you have no idea how hard it is being addressed as a detergent soap, i always want to sue my parents for that)

Niwas (hmm.. )

Nirwan (yea, i have no idea what it means, do they mean "nirvana"?)

Nirvana (no points for guessing that)

Niru (now, no offence meant, but I had an English teacher by that name, and never quite liked being called by the same name)

So yea, that's about it - these are the wrong names I've been addressed as.

But then, people who love me, call me Ninu, and they're allowed. :-)

So here is an advice - you may think that there's no big deal about names - but it's always nice to remember their names and address them with their correct names. Just because the other person is too polite to correct you everytime, doesn't mean you annoy the shit out of them. Also, if it's a joke, it just gets stale after sometime. It's not funny, and it's just annoying. I usually start ignoring you then.

Anyway, all that aside, it has finally rained in Ahmedabad. It rained as if God was making up for every hour the temperature here crossed 40 degrees.

:-)

Bengaluru-Coorg-Bengaluru

I don't remember the last time I visited a hill station. It's as if I had almost forgotten how a hill station looks like.

Last week we visited Coorg, Karnataka. It was also the first time I saw coffee and pepper plantations. And it was lovely. For a change, the drive was as much pleasant as the destination.

/rant begins

Drive reminds me, whats up with the drivers on the karnataka highway? I mean, they seem to be unaware of the thing called rules. Under normal circumstances, on the Gujarat highway, you'd see slow moving/heavy vehicles drive religiously on the left lane and the vehicles overtake only from teh right side. Well, in most cases at least. But in Karnataka, the slow moving/heavy vehicles "choose" a lane where they'll drive at a chosen speed limit too. So those who want to overtake, must zigzag their way around these monuments which seem to be racing amongst themselves at the speed of 2 kmph.

/rant ends

I can write a lot about the pretty, pretty, Abbey Falls (the walk up and down the pathway to the falls can test anyone's shaaririk kshamata) or the super awesome plantations where I thought I could spend days, but then decided I'll get bored of it pretty soon, or the elephant park, which I personally think is cruelty towards animals. I mean, I love elephants.. elephants are my favourite animal and I have a pillow in shape of an elephant too.. i find them incredibly cute and innocent. But elephants are essentially wild animals, and they belong in forests. Not in some random camp where they are "trained" to perform tricks like putting a garland in visitors' neck or playing football. Or even an elephant ride for that matter. I mean, its just cruelty to use animals for entertainment purposes like these. Of course, when you look around the farm and see the giant potty cakes of elephants, you thank god that elephants don't fly. Anyhoo, so to complete the sentence, I could write a lot about these things and sound like a tourism website or I can just say its a place worth visiting and talk about other stuff. :P

But then, I don't have much to say, except for the fact that a co passenger on my ahmedabad to bangalore flight got talking to me and man, he was weird. He was so so so so weird, but seemingly harmless guy. When i casually mentioned this to a friend, she reminded of the movie Taken and dammit, it scared me. It scared me a LOT. Sigh.

Anyway, today is my first day of complete joblessness. No exams to study for (at least at the moment), no office to go to, and basically, nothing much to do. Oh, and there is some kind of weird cold wave condition in ahmedabad and I am freeeeeeeezing. Dammit, its even colder then the hill station we visited. It is VERY cold here, really.

On the other hand, I am thinking I should start looking for a job. Wonder who will hire me.