Thursday, September 6, 2012

I apologise

We do all kinds of stupid things when we are in school without usually thinking of the consequences.

One of the things I did was "tease" my friend, let's call her P with this guy, M.  I am not proud of those things, but it's a teenage phase and you just do such things.

While doing that, I used to mimic M's voice and call out P's name.  Everyone thought it was incredibly funny and I kept doing it so much that every time M would pass by, P would burst into laughter.  I always had a goofy smile stuck on my face all the time anyway, so anyone could mistake me for laughing at them.

I think it made M feel really bad, but the damage was done.  I got over the teasing bit, but others kept teasing P with M for years.

This was way back in 1998/99.  It has been over a decade and the guilt has not left me.  I have never been able to meet M's eyes.  As fate would have it, we were in same college, and were together during some part of Chartered Accountancy bit, but I would hang out with complete strangers or be by myself, but never approach him or acknowledge his presence.  The guilt of being a sort of "bully" was weighing down on me.

Today, he came up as "People you may know" option on Facebook.  We have 15 common friends. 

And then I did something which took a lot of courage.  I sent him a message on Facebook asking him to forgive me.  I apologised for being mean to him in school, because deep down I know that if I remember being mean, I am sure he remembered that I was mean to him.  I was a silly kid back then, and surely I deserve a chance to sleep with having one person less hating me.

He may circulate the mail amongst the common people we know and have a good laugh.  Yes, I am insecure and scared of being ridiculed, but deep down, I know I did the right thing. 

I don't expect us to become the best of friends.  Hell, we may not even become friends, but I feel incredibly lighter today. 

I hope someday, M reads this and realises I didn't mean any harm.


Swaminathan Jayaraman said...

Well done. At least your conscience is clear. But not many remember what all pranks we played in school and rue over them.

Mirchi Laddoo said...

Though what you did was part of school life, what you did now is commendable. Seeking forgiveness from the heart is sign of a good person. :-)

Arwa H said...

what happened then? did he reply?