I've moved!

Hello, everyone!

Thank you for taking time out of your lives to come here and read what I have to say. I never made any sense and I still don't make any sense.

But thank you to all those who've read, commented and reached out via emails (sometimes, not all of you write to me, and I wonder why! I'd love to hear from you).

But now I've moved to my own domain. :D YES YES! :D

http://nirwamehta.in :) change your bookmarks! :) 

I'll continue to be awesome even there! :D 

This blog shall be here, but I don't think it will be updated on a regular basis. 

I'm still playing around with the new website and some things may not work.. and if you find any glitches, let me know! 

Thank you for your love and support, even if it was just reading the blog silently. :)

*HUGS*

New beginnings

The leap of faith.

When I decided I do not want to crunch numbers for the rest of my life, it was a hard decision to make.

I wanted to write, tell stories.

Well, who pays writers? My father, the cynicism gene in me is inherited from him, snubbed me down saying, "who will read what you have to write?"

You see, my dad has always been the one person whose validation I have always wanted but never got.

So when you tell him that you no longer want to pursue chartered accountancy, a sure-shot well paying career because "you want to write", all hell breaks loose.

But as they say, sometimes you have to take that leap of faith and follow your heart.  Life is too short not to take chances, especially when you feel so strongly about something.

So when the opportunity of being a business journalist came by two years back, I grabbed it with both my hands and my legs and everything I could manage.

While this was not essentially the sort of writing I was looking for, it did help me hone my skills.  From my first copy, which was kind of disastrous, to put it mildly, to now, when most go without any major edits, I believe I have come a long way, even if I say so myself.

I had to convince my father to let me take up this opportunity because if it doesn't work out, at least I will not regret for the rest of my life that I didn't even make an effort.  Better I blame myself for the failure than him for not even letting me try.

Of course he has mellowed down a little since.  While he may not essentially accept me as a writer, he does feel proud (according to sources aka mother) whenever he lets his friends know what I do for a living.  Every few days he asks me to type out a text for him or sometimes a mail for his boss (without really acknowledging the fact the "writer" part of me there) and mom and I have a good laugh about it afterwards. (He still gets as excited as I do when my story gets published in the paper, especially with a byline (they are hard to get by) :D)

I have gained back the lost confidence.  I have some direction in life.  It may not be in the best of shapes, but it is shaping up well.  I am hopeful of future.  I want to believe good better things are stored in for me.

Some of the lowest of low times don't make a lot of sense when we are going through them, but in hindsight, they all fit into place.  As if those things were meant to happen at that time.

At times, all it needs is a little courage.  A courage to make that choice.  Of letting go or holding on. It is all about the choice.

And as you ponder over your options, have a look at this video?

↵ Use original player

Meet The New Housing

By Housing.com

YouTube

• 720p
• 360p

← Replay

X

i

from https://housing.com/

Bubbles!

My cousin's wife gave birth to a 2 month premature baby in October 2012.  When she was born, she was so tiny, she could have fit into my one palm. My niece was in neonatal care unit for about two months.

For a few seconds in those two months, her heart stopped beating.

Doctor had very casually said that he hopes the lack of oxygen for the few seconds the heart didn't beat has not left any permanent damage on her brain.  

It broke my heart to see my niece in the incubation box. 

Moments like these make you question the existence of God.  (honestly, I am still not sure if God exists.. I'm probably still sitting on the fence, shifting goalposts as per my convenience. Hopefully, if God exists, He/She won't judge me for being so indecisive.)

She was discharged from the hospital after two months, and she looked tinier than the time she was born! 

So small, so frail.

I did not visit her for a few days.  I was afraid that the germs and external elements I would bring in her immediate proximity would not be good for her already weak immune system.

But then, she started growing up.  She started sitting upright, crawling and eventually walking. 

She had her first tooth, which was painful for her and made her cranky.

She has a weak immune system.  Gets cold and cough very frequently.  She catches viral infections easily.  But she comes out stronger each time.

She is a non fussy eater.  She loves milk.  She loves peacocks.  She thinks the peacocks talk to her and the one she saw in the evening told her hi.

She does not like it when you flush down her poop because she feels sad her potty has gone away.  If she spills food and you ask her who spilled it, she does not put the blame on anyone else, but she just casually admits it fell on its own.

She calls me Nini.  She has big eyes, full of wonder.  When you blow soap bubbles at her, she runs around to catch them.

When I saw the two year old run around catching bubbles, and then laughing when they burst right on her face, I thought of the face I saw through the glass when she was just born. 

This little girl has fought against odds and survived.  She is a fighter.  She still frequent bouts of cold, cough and fever, but she pulls you with all her strength to show you her new friend, the spider on the ceiling in the corner of the room.  

Just seeing her run around in the house is such a great feeling.  She's a bright child, this one.  

Some times, all you need is faith.  Hope is just round the corner.

In the meantime, have a look at https://housing.com/lookup ?

Sometimes all you need is you!

Yesterday was March 13.  It was a Friday.  Friday, the 13th.

If horror movies were to be believed they are the most terrifying days ever.

But it was a day I slept peacefully, with hopes in my dreams.

It has been a long time since I had a nightmare-free sleep.  You see, some times you really don't know what is pulling you down.  You just wake up feeling low, go to bed feeling low and spend the rest of the day in between feeling low. 

Reaching out to family and friends is the most natural thing to do when you are feeling low and rightly so.  After all, they are our support pillars and our strengths.  We all get by with a little help from the friends. 

However, when things look gloomy, there is only this much even the friends, family and well wishers could do.  These are the times you need to spend some time with yourself, by yourself and introspect.  A little bit of soul searching can lead to amazing results. 

When life throws bricks at you, build castle out of it.

I have realised that spending time with myself is the most therapeutic way to get my optimism back.  I tend to be a generally happy person.  I do not have many hang ups about people, about life.  I have stuck around in tough situations and I have passed a few tests and failed a lot.  But every time I have fallen down, taking a step back and evaluating the situation has usually helped put things in perspective. 

Go for a walk, a run, a drive or jus a coffee by yourself.  Read a book, see the clouds change pattern, disconnect yourself from the internet.  Smell the flowers, the freshly mowed lawn or freshly baked bread.  Always wanted to pick up that hobby? Now is the time.  Learn how to play the guitar, sing a song, knit a scarf. 

If you cannot be comfortable with yourself, how will you be comfortable with others? Embrace solitude, meditate. 

Last evening, as I sat, sipping my cup of coffee, writing, I realised there is so much more to me than a validation from someone who does not mean anything in the bigger scheme of things.  That I need to consider myself important for others to consider me important.  (my mom, however, thinks I am the most amazing person to have set foot on the earth, she may be biased, though.)

I came home, thanked the universe and the forces that have played a role in my existing at this moment at this place and got ready to face the challenges it has set in my path.  I may or may not be prepared, but I am ready to face them.

Isn't that is what people say, playing is far more important than winning? 

I'm ready to build my castle with the bricks lying around me.

Speaking of building, you may want to check out https://housing.com/

Coping up with the nightmares

So since last few months, I've been having terrifying nightmares.  Thankfully, just like my dreams, even my nightmares haven't come true.

But it has not been a pleasant experience.  All these night terrors are beyond my conscious control. I wake up with a jolt, mostly glad that I am not really trapped in enclosed places or stranded in ocean in a boat.  Being stranded in ocean in a boat is one of the most recurring nightmares and it is terrifying because I have unusual fear of huge water bodies and these nightmares are not helping.

Last few months, I woke up with annoying pain in my teeth which was followed by uncomfortable headache and neck and shoulder pains.

Considering my love for WebMD, I have gone through most of the diseases there and have died and resurrected multiple times.  So Nirwa Mehta, WebMD, self diagnosed the pains as sinus.  Because #forevercold has been one of the annoying things growing up.  I just assumed the pains in the usual sinus zones is because of cold/upcoming symptom of cold, but when the pain vanished a few days later and I didn't have a runny nose, I dismissed it on the ginger, mint, pepper water I have in the mornings to have boosted my immunity that I'm fighting the flu.

Yeah, I know, I need to see a doctor for more reasons than one.

But then last week, the teethache went too far.  It was so uncomfortable and I thought I am losing all my teeth.

Asked my dentist friend if I should see my dentist.

My dentist is this really nice man who has extracted all four of my wisdom teeth because of the overflowing wisdom in me.  Willing to bet the new Volkswagen he drives is paid for by our family.  Yeah, we have a family dentist because having a family physician is too mainstream.

Anyway, he has a good look at my teeth, announces my teeth are in good condition, and I need to meditate to relax.

Heh.

Meditation.

Heh.

You see, I went to a school where I learnt Yogasan for 9 years.  (yes, I have certificate to prove the same, also Bharatnatyam. Heh. Heh. Heh.)

While learning Yogasan, the most difficult part was meditating.

You are just sitting there, trying to concentrate on your breathing and trying to get into a state of thoughtlessness.

See, that's not going to happen.  My mind is so full of webs (other than inter-webz :P) that a part of me is terrified of looking into it.  I'd rather let the webs in my mind lie as they are than clean them up because I am not sure how I will deal with repressed memories.

At times I am not even sure if they are repressed memories or situations I created in my head and were so real that they now seem like repressed memories.

Brain, my dear friends, is a wonderful and scary organ. It is very easy to lose hold of reality and assume completely imaginary scenarios as real.

So, meditation is not going to work.

Today morning I woke up, brushed my teeth and went back to sleep.  I didn't sleep-sleep, more like lied in bed till I got bored of lying in bed, and in those moments I felt like I felt an earthquake.  I was in the sleep-awake zone.

I experienced the 2001 earthquake and ever since if I've been stressed, my mind plays tricks and makes me feel like there are tremors.  It is terrifying.  Because it feels so real and there are no tremors and you cannot explain anyone you just felt an earthquake that never was.

So coming back - how do I cope with these nightmares. There has got to be a way where you do not have to look into your mind to ease your mind, right?