Sunday, June 24, 2012

hmmm

So like every other post of mine, this is not going to make much sense.

You know what has been my problem? I don't talk.  No, I mean, I do talk. A lot.  But I rarely talk what is going on deep in my mind.  What has been bothering me. What is wrong with my life.  Yes, career part aside, which is driving me crazy anyway, there is a part of me, the secluded corner of my heart which even I rarely visit.

Even when I do, I want to shut itself up, and pretend as if everything is all right.  Yes, I like to pretend that it will all be good, and I am too coward to face "it".  Someday I will gather up the courage to face my fears, but I don't see it happening all by myself.  I guess I like to pretend that I am strong enough to take care of myself, but deep inside, I know I want an emotional support.

Yes, everyone tells me to talk whatever I feel like, but life would've been so much simpler if I just listened to them.

Give me that trust that whatever I say, you will not judge me.  That you will not abandon me.  That you will just listen.  I don't want to talk about my fears to an anonymous person.  Not just a screen name, but a real person.  Even writing this has taken up a lot of courage. 

I'd like someone to ask me what is bothering me, and not give up asking till I give in and pour my heart out.  I need the reassurance that you will not run away.  Like everyone else has.  And I'd like that friend to come into my life now.

2 comments:

Madhav Mishra said...

i can totally understand but the problem with people is, they ask you to talk just so they can judge you. always! find a childhood friend if you can and blurt out everything. they are the only one's who wont judge.

Amy B. said...

I'm reading back in your blog, and I hope you will see this comment. I don't know you, but I could have written some of the things you have said about your internal pain, your fear of being abandoned, your anxiety that no one will ever think you are enough.

My heart breaks for you right now. If you need someone to talk to, you can email me at amyzen at gmail. I hope you do; I could use a friend, too.