Monday, December 17, 2012

Date A Girl Who Tweets

Date a girl who tweets.  Date a girl who spends her time tweeting instead of meeting people.  She has a problem with poor internet connectivity.  Date a girl who has a list of people she likes to stalk on Twitter.

Find a girl who tweets.  You'll know because she has a smile on her face as she looks into her laptop.  She will be the one frantically pulling down to refresh, the phone, also called Tweeting Device.  You see the weird chick clicking pictures of books in a book shop? Twitpic or it didn't happen.  They can never resist the urge to let the world know they're reading.

She's the girl waiting in that coffee shop, clicking picture of the heart on froth of your cappuccino.  If you take a peek at her mug, she would have thrown the spoon and sugar sachets messily to add character to the picture.  She might glare at you if you interrupt her as she checks in on Foursquare, as most girls who check in on Foursquare do.  Ask her, CCD or Filter Kaapi, #youprefer?

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Sagarika Ghose.  She if she got through first episode of The Newshour.  Understand that if she says she understands Deepak Chopra, she is saying it to sound intelligent.  Ask her if she loves Poonam Pandey or will be Poonam Pandey.

It's easy to date a girl who tweets.  Compliment on her change of display picture, and favourite her tweets.  Give her the gifts of retweets.  Give her #FFs, RT and ♥ ♥ ♥.   Let her know that you understand the importance of stalking.  Understand that she knows the difference between tweets and real life, but by god, she's going to make her life like around Twitter(as soon as Twitter gives option to archive your tweets).

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her.  Call her celebrity once in a while, and name her in "must follow" lists in magazines and newspapers.  It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who tweets knows that boring tweets will lead to people unfollowing her.  Because a girl who tweets knows that things come to and end, and will unfollow you eventually. That you can always follow back again. Through another id. And troll.  That Twitter is meant to have a troll or two.

If you find a girl who tweets, keep her close. Her sentences will be of 140 characters.  When you find her awake at 2 am, tweeting away to glory, threaten her to disconnect her internet connection.  You may lose her for a couple of hours, but she will thank you when she rediscovers life.  She'll talk like the people she follows on Twitter are around her, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a Tweetup.  Or during an NH7 Weekender.  Or Metallica concert.  Or very casually next time she's sick.  Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn't burst and bled all over your chest yet.  You will live tweet the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the internet memes and kitteh gifs, maybe on the same day.  You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will tell you the trending topics under her breath while you think of a witty pun.

Date a girl who tweets, because you deserve it.  You deserve the girl who can give you the most colourful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half baked proposals, then you're better off without her. If you want the world and a parallel universe, date a girl who tweets.

Or better.  Stay #ForeverAlone. LOLJK. I'm cute.

In response to Date a girl who reads


Azmeen Saroma said...

Hahahaha!!!!! This is brilliant Nirwa! :)

Romy Skye said...

Crap. I was signed into my college ID :P

parth goswami said...

or better date a girl who instagrams too!

parth goswami said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shiv said...

ha ha ha...genius!
suggestion accepted:-)

satish said...


Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye. Thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye. Thank you very much.