Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Wrong Number

It is kind of sad when the only calls you receive are wrong numbers. I mean, as if I didn't know I have few friends, this is kind of rubbing it in.

Over the years, I have been receiving calls for a Bharat. It's been over five years now that I've been telling people that My Name is Not Bharat and I am not a Man. Well, not really, but you get it, right? This Bharat's number is very similar to mine, apparently, the only difference being my number starts with 982xx and his number is 992xx (rest all numbers are same, from what I've gathered over my research with wrong number for Bharat). What is annoying about this wrong number for Bharat is an uncle who calls invariably at 11 pm, and keeps asking, who am I. "Pan tame kaun bolo?" (but who are you?) he'd ask. And later on, when I would pick up the call (I had stored the uncle's number as "wrong number uncle") and say, "na, Bharat nathi" (no, this is not Bharat), he would go, abbe yaar, fari thi wrong number, sorry. We kind of developed mutual respect for one another, and I stopped yelling at him. And he is now being very careful with dialling Bharat's number.

Coincidentally, the CA firm where I interned, my boss's name was also Bharat. Such is life.

And then there were calls for a Ritu. Ritu is an aspiring air hostess, who had registered her name at the air hostess training institute. Unfortunately, she gave my phone number instead of her own. Ah, well, to cut the long story short, because, really, I'd rather be a space shuttle than an airhostess, I politely refused. I don't get calls for Ritu anymore.

And then, the other day, there was Setia ki aurat who had called to talk to Setia. She sounded drunk and angry, and I was afraid she might come out of the phone and beat me up. "Main Setia ki aurat bolti hai". Now all I am hoping is Setia has returned home, because the wife sounded really angry. Or maybe staying away from house was a good choice. That day, Setia ki aurat was the only one to call me.

But then, sometimes, when they call asking me for my dead grandfather, and selling life insurance to him, I feel like punching them. I mean, the man has been dead since 40 years. How can your records be sooo outdated? All the records are also in my dad's name! I mean, c'mon, 40 years! So I lose my mind and I yell at them sometimes. Sometimes, I evade their questions and I even threaten that I'll go to the consumer forum and also sue them for mental harassment. Ah, well. Next time, I'll just say, no, this is the Satellite Police Station. (stop laughing, Satellite is the name of an area in Ahmedabad, like Juhu, Andheri, Koramangala)

But then, do you know what is worse than screaming to the person who called you? Well, being yelled at by the wrong number aunty.

So today my phone battery was at it's lowest, and I just felt like we both needed our space. So I left it charging in the bedroom while I went down for lunch and all other jazz. I came back to my room an hour back, and I saw 7 missed calls from the same number. It was an unknown number, and unless the call is from a known number, I don't usually call back. (abbeyaar, they keep trying to sell me some correspondence course) 15 minutes later, the phone rings again and I pick it up. The conversation was in Hindi and if I am not mistaken, it was Setia ki aurat only.

me: hello?

male voice: kisi ladies ki awaaz hai


me: kiska kaam hai?


me: (raised voice, still not yelling) kiska kaam hai?

female voice: SADIA KA


Now, I'm not sure if she said Sadia or Setia or if she was really Setia ki aurat again, and she was Setia ki aurat and she was scolding me mistaking me for Setia, dude, does she think i'm a dude? Does my voice sound like a dude's voice?


#ThatAwkwardMoment when you get more wrong numbers on your phone than the right numbers. #ForeverAlone


Bubblegum.... said...

Lol!!! Kisi ladies ki awaz hai!! I used to get a call when I was in Amdavad... "Modi saheb che?" and Fed up with all calls.. I answered 2 times that " No Sonia madam che!" and I still want to do that but I think now the person is afraid of Sonia madam! :P

Archana said...

As long as it is a human voice and not the bank-drones.. just when I am thinking of buying new shoes and wondering if I should splurge, in calls this lady asking if I need personal loan... how do they know??!

Nalin Mehra said...

ha ha ha ha ha...... ROFL

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed reading this :D