Where top secret meetings are held

How To Pee

It is an unwritten rule, that whenever we girls are out in group, we never go to the loo alone.  Just like men bond at bars, we bond in "washrooms" (because toilet is too dirty sounding word).  In fact, sometimes, even if we don't want to pee, we just go to the loos, because, we just want to chill. 

Some girls discuss how one girl (who is obviously left out from the washroom group) was a bitch, and was wearing wrong kind of footwear, and loud make up.  I once encountered this one girl, who said one girl looking like Rakhi Sawant.  Turns out the girl who got called Rakhi Sawant was the girl her ex was currently dating.  And no, no, I do not eavesdrop loo conversations.  These are just snippets you hear if you keep your ears open.

And how can you forget photographs? According to this made up statistic, 98% of all pictures taken in loo, are taken in public loos.  Because the mirrors are bigger, lights are brighter and some loos in fancy restaurants/hotels are too awesome to not take pictures in.  I wonder how long before people start creating Facebook fanpage of their own "Loo Photography".

Then there are the employees.  Like of the mall.  They are there for their hourly break, because, they can.  Recently, I overheard a conversation which left me little worried.

Lady 1: Tum sab kutti ho.
Lady 2: Hum kutti to tu kutti ki maa.
Lady 1: Main roz idhar kapde badalti hoon.
Lady 3: Tu phir bhi kutti.

They turned to look at me, as I froze in anticipation of a girl fight breaking out, and laughed.

Lady 2 (to Lady 1): Jaa kutti. Madam ko jaane de.

As I turned to leave, Lady 1 said, "byeeeeee" as if she was my long lost friend. :|

But then, there are girls who go to the loo all by themselves.  Like the girl who is out on a date. She'll go in to do some last minute make up patch up, and ensure her hair are well behaved.  And how she looks when she smiles in a certain way.  Mirrors in "washrooms" are magical that way. But this activity is no fun, because you can't spend 10 minutes in the washroom and not get the date suspicious of you taking a dump in a public loo.  Scary shit, literally. HAHAHHAHA.

But most of all, women go to the loo in group because it's just too boring to go to the loo all by yourself.

PS: The above picture was clicked by a friend in a loo in Bangalore. 

मन से रावण जो निकाले राम उसके मन में है।

     कैलाश परबत पे शिवजी शाम की चाय की चुस्की भर रहे थे। उनके गले पर लिपटा हुआ सांप शिवजी के कान में बोला "स्वामी, आज माँ को दुर्गा माँ का रूप लेने पे मजबूर न करें", और हलके से मुस्कुराया।
     "मैं सब सुन रही हूँ", पार्वतीजी बोली। उन्होंने गुस्से से देखा और खुद ही हंस पड़ी।
     "स्वामी, आपको क्या लगता है, जो राम और रावण के बीच हुआ, वोह होना चाहिए था?", पार्वतीजी ने शिवजी को पूछा।
     "यह कैसा सवाल है, प्रिये?" शिवजी मुस्कुराये।
     उनको पता था माँ यह सवाल क्यूँ कर रही है। कल विजयादशमी है, और कल के दिन, उन्होंने दुर्गा माँ का रूप धारण करके महिषासुर का विनाश किया था।  और कल ही के दिन, विष्णुजी के सातवे अवतार, श्री राम ने भी रावण नाम के दानव का नाश किया था।  अगर सरल शब्दों में कहें तो बुराई पे अच्छाई की जीत हुई थी।
  लेकिन, माँ को यह हरगिज़ मंज़ूर नहीं था की मर्यादा पुरुषोत्तम राम ने अपनी पत्नी सीता की अग्निपरीक्षा ली थी।  उनके अनुसार किसी भी स्त्री का अपमान माफ़ी के पात्र नहीं है, फिर चाहे वोह भगवन ही क्यूँ न हो।
     "रावण तो आपके परम भक्त थे ना?" पार्वतीजी ने पूछा।
     "प्रिये, आपको ऐसा क्यूँ लगता है की रावण निर्दोष थे? यदि श्रीराम से गलतियां हुई है, तो रावण की भी भूल थी।  वह मेरे भक्त ज़रूर थे, लेकिन उनको नारायण से मिलना था। उनको ज़िन्दगी और मौत के बीच का यह सेतु पार करने के लिए उन्हें विष्णुजी के हाथो ही अपनी मौत मंज़ूर थी। इसी मोह में उन्होंने पूरी लंका जला डाली।  क्या यह सही था? क्या आपका अहम् इतना बड़ा है की आप सही और गलत के बीच में फर्क ही न कर पाये? रावण का सबसे बड़ा दुश्मन श्रीराम नहीं, उनका खुद का अहंकार था।"
     "लेकिन..."
     "और यह बात आपसे बेहतर और कौन जान सकता है? आखिर महिषासुर मर्दिनी तो आप ही है", शिवजी हलके से मुस्कुराये।
     "आप से तो जीतना मुश्किल है।"
     "लेकिन आप से तो बड़े बड़े हार जाते है", शिवजी ने शरारती मुस्कान दी।
     "हमेशा सचाई की ही जीत होती है", शिवजी के गले पे लिपटा हुआ सांप बोला, और सब हंस पड़े।

PS: No disrespect meant.

Kaun Banega Draupadi Ka Pati?

@SrBachchan Chaliye, hum aur aap milke khelte hai, Kaun Banega Draupadi Ka Pati! cc. @DrawPaddy

@Dhrishtadhyumna @SrBachchan, kripya shaant ho jaiye, I'm the host of this show. plz.

@YoYudi checked in to Kampilya on @foursquare with @B4Bheem, @iArjun, @Sahdev and @Lukan (we're disguised as Brahmans, lulz)

@B4Bheem dudes, check out that fish.

@YoYudi @B4Bheem, anuj, I've told you not to swear. also, since when did you start using the F word?

@iArjun @YoYudi bhratashri, he's talking about the statue of that revolving fish (which looks creepy) @B4Bheem

@RajaDrupad Baith Jaiye Please, everyone, a huge shoutout for @DrawPaddy, my daughter, Draupadi and my son @Dhrishtadhyumna

@RajaDrupad Also, @Dhrishtadhyumna will be the host for tonight, and NOT @SrBachchan

@Dhrishtadhyumna Ok, guys, you've got to pierce the eye of the revolving fish by looking at it's reflection in water. Easy peasy. *smirks*

@2ryodhan I call dibs on the fish.

@karna @2ryodhan #lulz

@SrBachchan @2ryodhan @karna, afsos, galat jawab.

@DrawPaddy @SrBachchan, dude, seriously? @2ryodhan b****, pls.  @karna *insert casteist comment about Suta Putra*

@LordKrishan @Balarama, bro, where are the Pandavas?

@Balarama @LordKrishna, no clue, bro, I was hoping for some fireworks.

@LordKrishna @Balarama, don't look now, but look behind Shishupal (he's so annoying), the Pandavas have come disguised. What is this, spy movie?

@iArjun @YoYudi, bhratashri, I have an "I" in my handle, and I can pierce that fish's eye. Let me go, plz.

@YoYudi @iArjun, go get 'em, tiger.

@DrawPaddy, zomg, *MY HERO*.


@RajaDrupad, *damn, where the hell are those Pandavas, I was rooting for that Arjun fellow.* @Dhrishtadhyumna, unka peechha karo. kuchh to gadbad hai.

@YoYudi @MataKunti We've got Bhiksha, Ma.

@MataKunti @YoYudi, Yeah, divide it amongst your brothers and share. Sharing is caring, remember?

*awkward silence*

@YoYudi @MataKunti Err.. I meant @iArjun won @DrawPaddy in her swayamvar.

@MataKunti @YoYudi Abeyaar, couldn't you tell me clearly?

@YoYudi @MataKunti Issok.  Your word is moar sacred than anything else.

*Meanwhile Krishna, Balarama, Dhrishtadhyumna and Drupada reach the place*

@RajaDrupad whateeseet? Is this buy one get 4 free scheme?

@Vyasa @RajaDrupad Shaant, gadadhaari Bheem, shaant. #Lulz (hey, @B4Bheem, no offence, mate).  This is all possible, and not against Dharma at all (1/n)

@Vyasa @RajaDrupad So basically, in her previous birth, @DrawPaddy prayed to @AwesomeShiva and asked for 14 characteristics in her husband. (2/n)

@Vyasa @RajaDrupad But all qualities cannot be found in one dude, @AwesomeShiva told her she'll marry five men in her next birth who will have all (3/n)

@Vyasa @RajaDrupad These qualities.  Basically, she'll become a virgin every morning when she takes a bath.  Not weird at all.  Now, c'mon (4/n)

@Vyasa @RajaDrupad Let the party begin! (5/n)

@RajaDrupad @Vyasa if you say so.

@SrBachchan Ooooh. Hooter baj gaya.

*and rest, as they say, is history*

Sur Kshetra

When I was a little girl, I wanted to participate in Close-up Antakshari where the only constant variable was Annu Kapoor.  (Kids these days won't even know who Annu Kapoor is *shakes my head*)

Even as a child I was obsessed with reading the credits.  One name that featured constantly in Antakshari (and later Sa Re Ga Ma - man, Sonu Nigam looked like anorexic Falguni Pathak) was Gajendra Singh.

Why is this trivia important? Because, today while everyone else was having a life on a Saturday evening, I was home flipping channels and came across this show, "Sur Kshetra", which was conceived and directed and etc by Gajendra Singh.

Few things I noticed about this show:

1.  Annu Kapoor (and his female co-hosts) were replaced by Ayesha Takia, jo akele hi apne mazboot erm.. *cough* kandho *cough* pe is show ka bojh uthathi hai. Today she was wearing something in bubblegum pink colour which was all the way till her toes, and her heels seemed to be transparent, so she was like lady Yudhishthir, walking 4 fingers above ground, almost in air. *applause*

2.  So basically, the show is like a yudh of songs/singing between India and Pakistan, where Indian teams's captain is Himesh Reshammiya (JAIMATADILETZROCK) and Pakistani team's captain is Atif Aslam.  #AtifAslamIsHot

3.  I am not sure how the show progresses, because I don't think I'm gonna follow it (one time watch was also too much #AtifAslamIsHot) but one thing I can tell you, the participants are better singer than Indian Idol contestants. (even I can sing better than Indian Idol contestants and I am besuri even in chorus).

4.  Indian Idol se yaad aaya, Asha Tai is also a judge (?) or some sort of umpire on this show, along with Abida Parveen and Runa Laila.  (I must admit I had to google to find out Runa Laila's name.  Apparently she's from Bangladesh - guess she's the third umpire, then) Also, #AtifAslamIsHot

5.  So this show is part of the Aman Ki Asha thingy, where we are trying to talk about peace between the two countries - India and Pakistan.  Of course, music knows no boundaries, and 80% of songs on iPods on India come from songs.pk, what better than a music reality/talent show to show how we love each other.

6. Now, each contestant comes and promises to win the show, and how Insha'Allah jeet will be of their country, and in between Himeshbhai pouts (somebody give him a chapstick already - or ask him to keep his lips hydrated) and growls how this is war.  Quite an irony, considering the theme is peace. But, #AtifAslamIsHot

7.  Now, Asha Tai, seriously? WHAI? if a contestant sings her song, she will immediately give her own performance after that, just to steal the contestant's thunder. Matlab, why? And she has anecdotes about her sister all the time.  Even I have an elder sister, do you see me talk about her all the time? No. #AtifAslamIsHot

8. Abida Parveen.  I love her hair.  They are so curly and fluffy, I bet she doesn't use a pillow while sleeping.  Listen, I don't know much about her songs - so if you want to know, google, or youtube, or songs.pk. k.

9.  And one thing that caught my eye was, how everyone was busy telling the person from the other country how we love each other.   Okay, so we all have idiots and awesome people in both the countries (I'm not even talking about Bangladesh because, hey, Runa Laila is only the third umpire, not a participant, and is usually quiet whenever India vs Pakistan debate comes up)  Atif Aslam, who is hot, tells everyone how everyone in Pakistan loves Indians, and how Pakistanis have a huge heart and all.  And then Asha tai quips how India has always been kind and generous for Pakistani artists.  Of the 1.5 hours, 2 hours are spent talking how both the countries are awesome and how we all want peace. Maybe we should just post Asha tai and her sister and all these people on the border and make them sing.  Or probably convert the border to miniature cricket stadiums.  Or both. Because obviously, talking has failed. Anyhoo, #AtifAslamIsHot

10.  All this is okay, but when is Ajmal Kasab going to be hanged?

#AtifAslamIsHot